Calgon Fixes All

Dear Calgon,

       

Please, take me away. The amount of emotions I have dealt with today should warrant an extended vacation, even if it is just a bubble bath. 

A1 has been dealing with some "heavy" issues this week. Her lunch table talked too much; she ended up on red. Boys were wrestling during indoor recess. She tried to pick up a cabinet they knocked over; she got yelled at. She was playing with an ant on her desk; her friend turned her in, she got yelled at. Math homework was hard; she had to spend more than 15 minutes working on it. I used a different detergent, she got a rash. I gave her Benadryl; she was tired. She sat down during dance; she got "yelled" at. She hates dance; I'm making her finish what she started. She is short; people think she is a baby. Her teacher hates her. Her dance teacher hates her. Her bus driver hates her. She is a bad dancer; the worst.  

Calgon, all of this came out in a tearful 15 minute ride home after dance. I know most of this is due to the fact that she is exhausted, but, Calogon, I'm exhausted too. I have been sick for over a week. I'm taking care of three girls. I'm teaching full time, well, kind of... I have had to use several sick days to stay with sick kids and nurse Mac back to health. I have had to do all the cleaning and parenting on my own. I'm almost over my data plan on my phone. My wifi isn't working. I have a hang nail. My life is rough. I'm sure there are people who hate me, but, honestly, I'm too tired to even care. 

Calgon, I deserve to be taken away. 

Actually, now that I think about it, I really don't like baths, bubble or otherwise. In fact, baths disgust me, sitting in a puddle of your own filth. Nasty. I put baths right up there with birds and hair. Showers really are the way to go. Calgon, please leave me alone.  If you really want to take someone, how about A1? She likes baths and has had the worst day ever. She would really like it. 

Calgon, thanks for listening. You really did make me feel better. 

Love, 

Carrie

Read Her Like a Book

A1 is very predictable. I can read her like a book. Her thoughts and feelings flow across her face like words in a well written book. Fibs and fibblets escape through wide eyes with lifted eyebrows.  Guilt emerges from a stiff face with wide statue eyes. Happiness pours from slightly squinted sparkly eyes. Sadness creeps out of downturned gloomy eyes. 

Tonight I returned home from a secret dinner run with A2, finding A1 stiff faced with wide statue eyes. I watched and waited. She began babbling. "I didn't know where you were. I couldn't find daddy. I thought you guys left me and A3 home alone. Don't worry I am taking care of A3. I have it all under control."  

The wide eyed stiff face statue look continued. I reminded her that her dad was upstairs and continued to watch her. She continued to babble, "I didn't think you would be back so soon. Please don't be mad at me. I thought you were gone. I thought daddy was gone. So I did something I shouldn't have..." Her eyes relaxed and her face softened. "I... I ate a strawberry."

Well, that is a relief. My rule follower ate a strawberry without permission. The guilt was written all over her face. I had to work hard to hold back the laughter. I can't let her know that it wasn't a big deal. I need her to feel some guilt because I know that soon enough my little easy to read book will become a book written in a foreign language, I just hope it comes with pictures! 

                     Happiness!

End of the School Year Blues

Last night while I was digging through baskets of clean laundry, that I successfully ignored all weekend, Mac cheerfully reminded me that the next day would be my last Monday of the school year.  I unnecessarily growled some snide comment to him about hating Monday's.  I felt bad immediately after the words came out of my mouth. I continued to feel bad as the night went on.

When I woke up this morning still feeling bad, I decided it was time for some peaceful reflection and mediation. Since I was in a time crunch, as always, I had to do my reflecting in the shower, which coincidently is where I do my best thinking. Some days, if I wake up early enough, I am even able to finish a complete thought without being interrupted. This morning I was lucky and was able to self diagnose my attitude problem. I have "End of the School Year Blues."

End of the School Year Blues is a rare phenomenon that strikes some teachers at the end of the school year. I say that it is rare because I really don't know if anyone else feels this way.  The end of the year combines so many emotions for me.  I don't ever know which one will pop up at what time.

As soon as May hits, I start to feel relief; relief that I made it through another year of paperwork and strange unexplained rules and regulations that our friends from the state have gifted to us. As the days tick by I start to feel excitement, excitement that I get to focus on being a mom and not a teacher-mom. Before I know it I start to feel anxious. My anxiety grows as the to-do lists grow.  There are so many end of the year tasks! Without warning in the last week of May I start to feel sadness.  I hate saying goodbye.  This year will be particularly sad since I will be saying goodbye to a great team of teachers and the best students I have had to date, FYI at the end of every year I always say it was my best class I have ever had, but seriously this was an awesome class. Then I start to feel overwhelmed and a little helpless.  SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.

By the last week I am a mess. My head becomes a swirl of emotions. People crossing my path won't know what frame of mind I will be in. Will I laugh like a mad women? Will I sob inconsolably? Will I have a short lived panic attack? Will I hug you tight? Probably not, I am not naturally a hugger. Will I snap at you out of anger? Mac is really familiar with this one... Basically I am a crazy woman from May to mid June.

I really do love my job; and I love my summer breaks, but I need to work on controlling my end of the year emotions. Not everyone I come in contact with is a willing rider on roller coaster I have created in my head.  One would think that after 13 years of teaching, I would be able to end the year without tears and temper tantrums, but that is not me. 

I still have 3 more days so I will be coping the best I can; chocolate and McDonald's. Unfortunately, I am out of malted eggs...