Emotional KaBOOM

I generally like to write to share my humorous misfortunes.  I like to make people laugh or at least smile but lately I just haven't been feeling it.  I have been in a serious funk.  Not a true depression but just an overly angry, super annoyed with the world, possibly regressing to my angsty teenage days; blah.   This is a strange place for me because I can almost always find the good in every person or situation but I just haven't had it in me.  Maybe it is because I have reached the point where there is nothing left to do but explode.  I have bottled my emotions for far too long and KaBOOM emotions are spilling out everywhere. 
I need to stop doing this.  I know I shouldn't hold back my emotions.  I am being such a hypocrite.  I tell my students if they have things that bother them they need to tell someone or in the very least write it down.  They need to get rid of it. 
So why am I holding it all in? Because.  I don't really want to burden people with my problems.  I don't want to make someone have to be my emotional dump.  Making someone have to hold onto my smelly emotional garbage, is not my thing.  I know everyone has things they are dealing with, most are much worse than mine and I don't want to add to any one's heap'o problems.
I am a very private person.  Strange for someone who enjoys writing and putting her word out there for anyone to see but when I am writing I get to decide what I write, what words to put down, what I will let people see.  If I was to open up about the things that could be bothering me I could let someone see things I really don't want to share.  I might not have control of the words that come out or of the reaction I would get from them. 
After a rare quiet moment of reflection I realized my suppressed baggage was starting to have an impact on my family.  I have been very irritable, irrational, and somewhat irresponsible. No worries, nothing that put anyone in danger. I completely let A1 down when I told her uncle the wrong time to show up for her Veteran's Day program at school.  I know that I am not thinking with a clear head because I am letting hurt feelings and worries interfere with living.
It is so weird that I am ok with not being perfect and sharing that with the world but I have problems admitting that I am human.  Admitting that I have feelings and things that are weighing on my mind is so hard for me.  Starting now, I am working to fix that.  I am going to make some changes.  I will be more open when things get to me.  I will continue to work on giving my worries away to God.  I was getting better with that one but recently I started slipping back into old habits of constantly worrying instead of leaving it up to the Lord.  Honestly, I don't have extra time to worry so it is comforting to know that I don't have to!

All about the Rainbow

Living with A2 is sometimes a delightful challenge.  She has a special way of making the simplest task a tad bit difficult.  No matter what we have planned she always has to let us know she doesn't like it.  No matter what we have for dinner, even her favorite food, she has to let us know she doesn't like it. 
I have gotten better at negotiating with her.  I have found if we warn her well in advance she will have her little fit before the actual event. About a week before our family pictures I decided I should start preparing A2 for the clothes she would be wearing.  I anticipated the big issue would be the fact that she was going to have to wear jeans.  Pants aren't her thing.  She doesn't like tight pants, loose pants, sweat pants, cargo pants, long pants, short pants, buttoned pants, or elastic waisted pants. Basically she HATES pants. Normally I do whatever I can to put her in a dress or skirt, but since the pictures were going to be outside in a park I thought I would try for a little warmth. 
I told her she would be wearing jeans just like Aunt Caley for our pictures and of course her response was, "Ok, but what shirt will I wear?"
HUH!?! What do you mean "Ok"? I don't understand that! I prepared for a temper tantrum, not an "Ok." and then a sweetly asked "what shirt will I wear?"
I was so blown away by her reaction I simply responded, "You will wear a black or gray shirt.  I haven't picked it out yet."
KABOOM! My thoughtless comment set off a reaction. Addelyn jumped all over my ill prepared response. "Black!?! I hate black." She completely melted into the floor and then began flopping like a fish out of water. "MOOOOOM, I don't want to wear black.  God hates black. We shouldn't wear black.  You will make God mad."
I missed that lesson from the Bible.  Where in the world did she get this idea? My curiosity got the best of me. I just had to know what in the world she was talking about so I asked.
She stopped flopping and said, "God hates black. If he liked black he would have put it in the rainbow. I want to wear pink!"
Oh I had her now!  I was going to be able to use her own logic against her.  "A1 we can't wear pink.  God doesn't like pink.  He didn't put it in rainbows." In my head I was doing a little happy dance. It is sad that I was so happy about winning an argument with a 4 year old but that is where I am right now.
A1 looked at me and said, "God wanted pink to be in the rainbow.  It is almost in there.  You know, like red.  Pink is almost red. God just forgot to put it in there all the way so he likes it." Then she left the room.
DARN it! I think she just won that round! I was frustrated and proud all at once.  Maybe if the whole Rapunzel thing doesn't work out for her, she might be able to make it as a lawyer...

Oh and as for the outfit...
 She wore a black and white striped shirt with a pink bow on it. We were both winners!