Anxiety in the House

Phew! That was a tough one. The roughest bedtime we have had in years. The final A Team member fell asleep at 1:30AM. The anxiety was so thick at our house tonight you could have cut it with a knife! In fact, there was so much anxiety in our house I am pretty sure it just became A4.

So many questions from all of them...

Will I have friends?

Will the kids make fun of me for being fat?

What if I can't remember my teacher's name?

Will all the kids still think I am sick?

What if I can't remember how to get to all of my classes?

Will I get to sit with A2 on the bus?

What if I can't do my homework?

What if I don't make the middle school musical?

What if the kid across from me is mean?

Why can't I be homeschooled?

When will I have recess?

What if it snows?

When will I get to go swimming again?

What if the bus monitor hates me again?

When do the baby chicks come? 

What if I start to feel sick again?

What if I have lunch with ......?

What if I spill my milk at lunch?

What if the teacher doesn't understand the way my girls function?

What if the teacher has too many students in class and my kid gets overlooked?

What if no one notices A2 not feeling well?

What if A2's appendix bursts?

What if I forget to switch the laundry?

Ok, so the last questions were most likely mine but anxiety is contagious. I spent a lot of time praying with the girls. I spent a lot of time box breathing with the girls. A little technique I picked up from my class this summer. I spent a lot of time showing them how to acknowledge their feelings, identify what we have control of, and then moving on from there.

I am feeling overwhelmed and slightly stressed. I will probably enjoy my mom-somnia the rest of the night/morning. I plan on switching the laundry, emailing the school nurse, and eating an avocado. Look at me acknowledging my feelings, identifying what I have control of, and then moving on from there! 

My 3 anxiety-ridden reasons for my mom-somnia and anxiety.

Amazing A1

Photo cred. Heidi Pumphrey
Chatham Sweet Corn Festival

This girl. This girl amazes me and I don't give her enough credit. I sometimes get too stuck in the role of overbearing and possibly too critical mom that I forget to appreciate A1 for the hardworking and driven young lady she is.  This girl is one of the busiest people I know, trust me, I drive her.

She spent her whole weekend doing what she loves; dancing and performing. I never heard her complain one time (ok, that might not be true. She did complain a little Saturday night when we were going over her schedule for the next day, but she bounced back fast!). It is what drives her. 

I have seen her learn a dance minutes before a performance. I have seen her learn a dance while she was performing. (That was a little intense, but she made it through and she learned that she can do anything she puts her mind to doing.)  I have seen her learn a dance from watching a video and then go on to perform the dance. Her passion and talent amaze me. 

I wish I could take credit for her talent, but anyone who knows me knows that just isn't the case. I am the one who trips on painted lines. I wish I could take credit for her desire to be busy, but I have a need for doing NOTHING. Sitting in a quiet space and enjoying every quiet minute is what charges me. She has a natural talent and passion that drives her. She has had phenomenal teachers along the way; ones that know when to push, when to wait, when to be hard, when to be soft, when to make something a learning moment, and when to let things go. 

Last night before she went to bed we went over the schedule for today. I was a little nervous because it was one activity after another (actually it was one activity on top of another. She had her next thing start before the last one ended) she has handled it like an adult. She had her bag packed and even set an alarm to get up when she needed to get up.

Her schedule for the day:

10:30-11:35 SDT rehearsal

12-1:30 SBC Trainee

1:30-4:00 SDT performance

3:00-6:00 Incredibles choreography assistant 

6:50-10:00 Muni rehearsal

By the time the day is over, she will have eaten three meals in the car today and has changed her clothes in the car three times. (Thank goodness for tinted windows and friends who hold up blankets!) I am so proud of this girl

Oh, Avocado!

It is 1:15 AM and I can't sleep. Why? Because there is a half eaten avocado in my refrigerator. It was supposed to be my afternoon snack. It was the other half of my breakfast avocado. I skipped my afternoon snack because I was at the grocery store. Well, in the parking lot, but that is a story for another day. 

My avocado addiction has gone from cute and trendy to seriously disturbing. This addiction is worse than any of my other addictions. It is more powerful than McDonald's Coke or Dr. Pepper. It controls me more than Brach's Malted Eggs (the old recipe). It owns me more than a dystopian YA novel. I crave it more than a Chic-Fil-A frozen coffee. It consumes my thoughts more than a Hallmark Christmas Movie. This addiction is real.

I have tried to explain the euphoria I feel after I fill my belly with an avocado, but I was only met with the stares from friends and family who started to see me as a woman on the edge. I am sure they thought summer 2018 had finally done me in.

I know what I felt couldn't be wrong so I went straight to google...

"Why do avocado's make me happy?" To my surprise, it popped up as a suggested search. This justified my feelings. There are others out there who felt the extreme happiness from this strange green fruit! The search results were lame; improved heart health, weight loss, boost brain performance, lower blood pressure. Blah, blah, blah... Those reasons DO NOT make me happy. SEE MY PREVIOUS ADDICTIONS: I am not addicted to healthy lifestyles. Yet. 

I continued to search until I found the answer I was looking for...

BOOM! There is was in black and white. Avocados have an abundance of Tryptophan. That is used in the brain to make serotonin. Everyone knows that we need serotonin to feel happy. I am basically eating my happy pills in fruit form. I must be addicted to feeling happy! That feels less pathetic than being addicted to food. 

PS Isn't Tryptophan that stuff in turkey that makes all of us old people need naps on Thanksgiving? Perhaps this is why I have needed a nap every day the last two weeks when my addiction flared up...

PPS I will still continue to take my little blue happy pills that my doctor prescribed. I am in no way suggesting avocados should replace any prescription medication!

PPPS (Is that even a thing?) It is now 1:45 and I can finally sleep. I ate that avocado half while I wrote this. I now have had my dose of tryptophan and can rest easy. I even scrapped the sides of the peel. No avocado left behind! 

Falling Over Sideways

It might be 30* outside, but I'm ready to start my summer reading! Each summer I compile a list of books that is a mixture of books recommended to me throughout the year and the books on the newest Rebecca Caudill list. This year I realized my list was already 35 books and it I was only April. It made me panic a little. I hate making lists that I won't be able to complete. I had an urgent need to get some of these books in my hands. Now.

I took a quick trip to the library to see if I could get any of the books on my list. I was lucky enough to find two of the books. Both of these books are by authors I have enjoyed in the past. I decided to start with Falling Over Sideways written by Jordan Sonnanblick. Sonnanblick happens to be the author of my FAVORITE book, Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie. I figured kicking off my summer 2018 reading with one of his books was the best thing to do.

I started and finished Falling Over Sideways on the same day. (That tells you how good it was…) Something unexpected happened when I finished the book. I had a new favorite book. This book touched me from the moment I read the dedication page. It was a sweet message that told me I was going to be able to relate to this book, probably not in the way the author intended, since I am not the actual target audience, but in a parent way. I saw that he is close to someone who can be dramatic… I might know a girl who is dramatic, maybe.

This story is so sweet. One that most students, especially girls, who are in or have been in middle school, can relate to. It was a reminder to me of what A1 was going through as far as school and dance are concerned. Claire and A1 are similar in so many ways it gave me chills. I think Jordan Sonnablick could be living next door to us, he is all too familiar with A1. He has to have a front row seat to her life.  

This story was beautifully written. The flow of the language. The humor. The teenage sarcasm. The way it really made me feel. I loved it.  I laughed out loud a few times. A2 kept asking me what was so funny. She couldn’t believe a book was making me giggle. Honestly, it has been awhile since I read anything that made me LOL. I even cried a few times, especially at that last sentence. OH, THE FEELS!

Do yourself a favor, if you are going to read any of the books I recommend, PLEASE read this one. One of the reasons this is my favorite book it that was able to enjoy it as an almost 40-year-old AND I will be able to recommend it to students and A1. In fact, I strongly encouraged her to read it. Which means she probably won’t read it, but I think I talked one of her friends into reading it, which means she will probably read it.