She Carried A Watermelon

"Mom, you won't ever guess what I did at school today! I carried a watermelon."

My first thought was, "Why is A2 using my favorite movie quote?" Which also happens to be the only movie quote I can remember. My mind quickly jumped back to the issue at hand; WHO in their right mind would let A2 carry a watermelon and WHERE did she get a watermelon?

Before I could even verbalize my thoughts, A2 continued with her story. "We went to the garden during math. We all got to pick one thing. I picked a watermelon. I got to carry it back to my classroom, all the way down the hall."

Holy Shtuff! Again, who would let A2 carry a watermelon? This seems like a really bad idea...

"Everyone kept telling me not to drop it and you know what happens when people tell me not to do something? I always do it. Not on purpose, just bad things happen sometimes."

Oh boy, here it comes, the disaster.

"I was carrying it and then I thought, 'This is kind of like a basketball. I wonder if I could shoot it in the hoop.' I picked it up and put it over my head to pretend to shoot. I guess I got a little confused in my mind because I actually shot the watermelon like a ball. Can you believe that?"

Well, yes. I actually CAN believe that.

"There was a janitor behind me and he kind of grunted a little. I don't think he really wanted to clean up the guts. There were watermelon guts on the floor. It didn't explode huge, but there were still guts on the floor. I guess it wasn't really ripe to begin with, good thing, huh?"

Sorry, janitor. I have been in your shoes. She is a walking disaster who gets really awesome ideas in her head that turn out not so awesome when she implements them. Sorry you had to add gut clean up to your to-do list. Thank goodness it wasn't ripe, right??

I secretly hope she comes home and tells me she was put in time out in a corner just so I can pretend to be sympathetic and say, you guessed it, "Nobody puts baby in a corner!" The other only movie quote I can remember. 

Child Stars

I am sure almost every mom at one time or another has the thought, "my kid is going to be famous," cross her mind. I personally know a mom who told me her daughter was destined for stardom because of how beautiful she was. Another mom knew her daughter would be the next "Annie" on Broadway because she was an amazing dancer and singer and she let me listen...

This drives me crazy. You don't know that your child is going to be famous. You don't know that your adorable three year old will still be beautiful at 13, let's face it, not many of us were. You don't know that your off key twirling toddler will still want to sing and dance when she is old enough to be Annie. Do you honestly think that out of all the parents kids out there trying to become famous, yours will be the one who makes it?

Your child is going to be famous? You don't know that.

This drives me crazy.

After much reflection and deep thinking, I have come to the conclusion that A2 will be famous. I am not basing this on the fact that she possesses amazing talents. Even with several years of dancing, she is a lot like that infamous bull in a China shop. She means well but she just doesn't have a grasp on her body in space. She gets that from me. Her singing? Well it sounds a lot like other 6 year olds; loud and constant.

My premonition is based on these 5 things that everyone knows about famous people;

1. Clothes: Move over Lady Gaga, A2 is the best, worst dresser I have ever met. A2 has been putting together her own outfits since she was two. Stripes with polka-dots? Done it. Tutus with flannel pajama shirts? Done it. A3's leg warmer, just one, with sandals and a dress? Done it. Everyone knows if you are going to be famous you need to be wiling to take fashion risks. A2? Done it.

2.  Personality: Everyone knows in order to be famous you have to have a certain personality. Well... A2 has that personality. She is comfortable with who she is and proud of her weirdness. If you ask A2 to tell you about her, she will tell you she is weird, but the good kind.  The kind of weird that makes her funny, happy, and her.

3. Strike a Pose: Everyone knows if you are going to be famous, you need to be ready to strike a pose. You never know when or where paparazzi will pop up. Famous people need to be ready, always.

4. Baby names: Everyone knows famous people give their offspring the strangest names. A2 has come up with names that compete, and possibly beat, the likes of Apple, Coco, Pilot Inspektor, Fifi Trixibelle, and Destry. It started when A2 was 2 and I was expecting A3. A2 was insistent that we name A3 "Laser." Wisely, we gave her a creepy doll she was allowed to name Laser. Recently she added two more crazy names; Magnus and Izzarina. 

5. This: 

It is obvious A2 will be famous. I am keeping my fingers crossed that her 15 minutes of fame won't be in Police Beat.  Although, everyone knows famous people sometimes bend the laws...