Subpar Mom

It is time to come clean.  I feel like I have been living a lie.  I can't take it any longer. Every time someone tells me, texts me, or leaves me a message on facebook saying, "You are an amazing mom," or "You are doing such a wonderful job raising your girls;" I just want to bury my head.  The truth is I am not an amazing mom. I am not even an "Ok" mom.  On most days I am a subpar mom. Don't believe me, just ask my girls.

For any of you nonbelievers of my insufficient parenting, I have made a list.

9 Reasons Why I am a Bad Mom

It could have easily been more, but I am too lazy.

1. Zoos- I hate them. I always have.  I probably always will. It isn't because of a rational reason like animal cruelty. Zoos just totally creep me out! So many smells, sounds, animals, and people; not my thing at all! A1 has only been to a zoo a few times, A2 once as a 3 month old, and A3 hasn't ever been. Are my girls lesser people because of my anti-zoo stance? Probably not, but all of my really great mom friends take their kids to the zoo. Way to let your irrational anxieties lessen the quality of life for the girls, Carrie.

2. Playing games- My friends have family game nights at least once a week with their kids, I know this because I see the pictures on facebook.  Confession; I hate playing card/board games with the girls. We always start out on a happy note. Everyone is excited and ready to follow the rules. Then we roll the dice. All hell breaks loose. There is screaming, fighting, cheating, and crying. and the girls aren't happy either. My stress level is always off the charts when I am playing games with the girls. We never finish games and most of the time lose pieces after someone chucks them across the room. I usually end up yelling that we shouldn't be yelling at each other. #Ihateplayinggames Way to not teach the girls a life lesson about how to win and lose, Carrie.

3. Listening to reading- I know it is important to listen to the girls read. I am a reading teacher for crying out loud. BUT, by the time I get home I just don't have it in me to listen to new readers.  It is like nails on the chalkboard. For some reason I have made it a rule that we have to do homework as soon as we get home. I am always HANGRY right when we get home. Why would I make this homework/reading out loud torture time? I haven't ever claimed to be a good planner, but this is ridiculous. Way to teach the girls about patience, Carrie.

4. McDonalds- No explanation needed. Way to show them how to be healthy, Carrie

5. Gas- Whether you call it toot, pass gas, fart or fluff, I do it. Sometimes in front of the girls. On purpose. Deep down inside, I know it is wrong, but I am so immature.  I find farts funny.  Good thing my girls do too. (So do most of my close friends, but I won't call them out. This is sensitive subject.) Way to teach them to be ladies, Carrie!

6. Bad words- I may not have the foulest mouth in our house, but I have been known to say a four letter word from time to time.  I really try to not say them in front of the girls, but an occasional $h!* will slip out, especially when you drop a dozen eggs on the floor... Way to expand their vocabulary, Carrie!

7. Cleaning- I HATE cleaning.  It puts my in a bad mood. I try to avoid cleaning at all costs.  The house is a mess? Let's go to the park, so we don't have to look at it.  What am I teaching the girls? Avoid the things they don't like... Great role model, Carrie!

8. Candy- Oh candy.  I love it.  My love for the candy isn't really the problem it is the reaction to the girls stealing my candy that is the problem.  Last year when A1 ate, what I thought was, the last Brach's Malted Egg, I went balistic.  I screamed. For real I screamed and leaped across the kitchen to try to stop her. I scared her but the egg was in her mouth. Then I cried.  I actually had to go upstairs to compose myself after it was gone. I have a serious problem. Way to encourage addictive behavior, Carrie. 

9. Reality TV- I love watching TV. I especially love Reality TV... The only way I can really watch TV is if I let the girls watch it too.  During her toddler years, A1 thought Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Colin, Leah, and Joel were her best friends.  We would watch them once a week and I called them our "Play dates." She seriously thought they were all BFFs. Now there is a new Maddie in her life and we cheer on the girls of Dance Moms. Our list of Reality TV Show togetherness includes more than Kate Plus 8 and Dance Moms. We also watch Biggest Loser, Big Brother, Little Woman LA, The Voice, and Rising Star. The list of shows I try to sneak and watch without the girls is equally as long and equally as embarrassing. Way to turn their minds to mush, Carrie!

If Charlotte Danielson was to evaluate my parenting I would have to be meeting with an administrator do work on an improvement plan since I would have an unsatisfactory rating. Sorry A Team no administrator here, just your old unsatisfactory mom.