Email from the Teacher

I am always entertained when the girls are home with Mac and my phones rings with a Facetime phone call from A1. 9 times out of 10 it is a tattling call. Mac wouldn't let the girls eat a third cookie before dinner, Mac made the girls do their homework before they can play with their friends, or Mac made the girls clean their room. Totally tattle worthy.

Tuesday night Mac was home with the girls, so I wasn't surprised when my phone rang with a facetime call from A1. I was, however; a little shocked by our conversation. You know that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you hear something ominous? Yeah, I had that.  All A1 had to say was, "Mom, did you get an email from my teacher?"

No, I hadn't gotten an email from her teacher. I checked my email before I left school 30 minutes earlier and I hadn't gotten anything at that point. My mind quickly became a flood of questions just seconds after her opening question. What could her teacher be emailing me about? Did she fail a spelling test? Did I forget to turn in a permission slip? Did she finally snap and attack the "emotional bullies"? Why does her teacher need to email me?

I asked, "Why is your teacher emailing me?"

Her response wasn't one that settled my nerves, "How about we talk about it when you get home, but only if you aren't going to be mad..."

I am not sure if this was the smartest move.  She gave me 10 extra minutes to imagine the worst and come up with the most brilliant punishments.

A1 met me at the door. "Ok, so mom, this is what happened. Today Boy 1 was all 'Man, that is so gay. You are so gay. Don't be gay.' So I kept telling him that he shouldn't say that.  It was being mean to people who are gay and you shouldn't make fun of or be mean to anyone for being gay. He kept saying it so I said, 'Oh yeah? Well are you making fun of my aunts?' Boy 2 jumped in and said, 'Are your aunts gay?' I said, 'Yes.' So then he said, 'Then yes I am making fun of your aunts. If they are gay then they are gross. Gay people are disgusting.'"

Bad move little boy... If A1 was a superhero, it would be Anti-social Injustice Girl. She fights for the rights of those who she sees as oppressed. She will fight for their rights no matter the cost, even if it means an email to her mom...

Continuing the my-day-was-so-bad verbal dump;

"Then I said, 'My aunts aren't disgusting. They are really nice. You shouldn't make fun of people.' Then Boy 1 and Boy 2 said they wouldn't be my friend anymore, so I started to cry.  I told my teacher and she said I could go talk to the counselor and she would email you to tell you what happened."

What a welcome home! My mind was swimming and I didn't have any idea where to start. I went with the hug first.  That seemed like a good place to start, plus it bought me more time to figure out what I would actually say to A1. Clearly, she was not in trouble, but I was. I was a mix of emotions. What was the best thing to say to her? I had to quickly sort through all of my feelings; find the perfect response. Make sure I was thinking about all sides. I needed to remain calm, but that was hard. I wanted to jump in as the slightly immature momma bear and yell about how these kids are twerppy little buttheads who needed to stop being mean to my little girl.  I wanted to tell her to never talk to them again. Then there was the protective sister. I wanted to stomp on these kids who, no doubt, were just reflecting what was being said at home. How horrible to teach your kids to be intolerant and hateful! How horrible to be intolerant and hateful!

After our extra long hug I said, "I am sorry those boys said that to you.  You are right people shouldn't make fun of people for ANY reason." Then I tried to explain that people will sometimes make fun of things they don't understand or that make them uncomfortable.  I told her I was proud of her for standing up and doing the right thing, but then we talked about a new approach. She is so strong willed I would hate for her to argue to the point of getting herself into serious trouble later. I tried to explain that being gay is one of those things that some people don't understand, so they might make fun of people for being gay. I told her it wasn't worth arguing with someone who doesn't understand. I told her the best thing is to tell them that it isn't right to be mean to people, then show people who are mean to others how they should be treating other people. Set a good example and follow it. Be a leader.

What a tough and confusing time to be growing up aware of the feelings of others, I just hope I am guiding her in the right way. I don't have the answers, and most days the patience, but I am trying and that is all I can do.