End of the Year Roller Coaster

It is the end of the school year, so naturally, I am suffering from End of the School Year Blues. It is that time when Manic May gets the best of me and I am riding front row on an emotional roller coaster without a seat belt.

May has become an emotionally confusing time for me. The entire month is go, go, go. We rush from one this to the next. I rarely have time to process all the emotions that range from one extreme to the other. I need time to process the emotions.

A part of me is excited and happy about summer. I get to spend all day, every day with the most entertaining people I know; the A Team. We get to have adventures every day; play, stay up late, catch lightning bugs, paint, make messes, watch movies, read books, play games, and learn new tricks. I love spending time with the girls. Summers with the girls is a huge perk of my job!

Even with the excitement of spending time with the girls, there is still a part of me that is always sad at the end of a school year. I hate saying goodbyes, especially when I am saying goodbye to a great group of kids and parents. It is always hard for me to let go of these young people who I have invested so much time and energy. Lucky for me that I will get to follow some of these people next year when they on to 6th grade! Not only is it hard to say goodbye to students, but it is also hard to say bye to my friends. The people I have been in the trenches with for months. The adults who I have bonded with and shared happiness, sadness, and frustration with on a daily basis. It is hard to go from seeing your friends every day to only seeing them a couple times in 2.5 months.

The biggest reason I get sad at the end of the year is that it marks the passing of time. In 2 days I will be finished with my 15th year of teaching. What?!? It is hard to believe that I have already spent that many years teaching and it is hard to believe I still have a ton of years to go. This year is an especially hard year because it is a milestone year. A1 is leaving elementary school and moving on to intermediate school. How can my little baby really be old enough to be in 5th grade? It can't be possible!

Sweet First Day of Kindergarten A1

Mature Last Day of School A1

My emotions should level out the beginning of the second week of June, so if you need anything from me, you should probably wait until then.

End of the School Year Blues

Last night while I was digging through baskets of clean laundry, that I successfully ignored all weekend, Mac cheerfully reminded me that the next day would be my last Monday of the school year.  I unnecessarily growled some snide comment to him about hating Monday's.  I felt bad immediately after the words came out of my mouth. I continued to feel bad as the night went on.

When I woke up this morning still feeling bad, I decided it was time for some peaceful reflection and mediation. Since I was in a time crunch, as always, I had to do my reflecting in the shower, which coincidently is where I do my best thinking. Some days, if I wake up early enough, I am even able to finish a complete thought without being interrupted. This morning I was lucky and was able to self diagnose my attitude problem. I have "End of the School Year Blues."

End of the School Year Blues is a rare phenomenon that strikes some teachers at the end of the school year. I say that it is rare because I really don't know if anyone else feels this way.  The end of the year combines so many emotions for me.  I don't ever know which one will pop up at what time.

As soon as May hits, I start to feel relief; relief that I made it through another year of paperwork and strange unexplained rules and regulations that our friends from the state have gifted to us. As the days tick by I start to feel excitement, excitement that I get to focus on being a mom and not a teacher-mom. Before I know it I start to feel anxious. My anxiety grows as the to-do lists grow.  There are so many end of the year tasks! Without warning in the last week of May I start to feel sadness.  I hate saying goodbye.  This year will be particularly sad since I will be saying goodbye to a great team of teachers and the best students I have had to date, FYI at the end of every year I always say it was my best class I have ever had, but seriously this was an awesome class. Then I start to feel overwhelmed and a little helpless.  SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.

By the last week I am a mess. My head becomes a swirl of emotions. People crossing my path won't know what frame of mind I will be in. Will I laugh like a mad women? Will I sob inconsolably? Will I have a short lived panic attack? Will I hug you tight? Probably not, I am not naturally a hugger. Will I snap at you out of anger? Mac is really familiar with this one... Basically I am a crazy woman from May to mid June.

I really do love my job; and I love my summer breaks, but I need to work on controlling my end of the year emotions. Not everyone I come in contact with is a willing rider on roller coaster I have created in my head.  One would think that after 13 years of teaching, I would be able to end the year without tears and temper tantrums, but that is not me. 

I still have 3 more days so I will be coping the best I can; chocolate and McDonald's. Unfortunately, I am out of malted eggs...