Weird Probems

Last year A2 broke our hearts when she said she was glad preschool was over, because she didn't have any friends at that school. She was ready to go to kindergarten where she would meet her real friends. At first I assumed it was just A2 being dramatic, but then I talked to my mom. She said she noticed on field trips all of the other kids would group up and A2 would be left by herself.  A2 seemed happy to do her own thing and my mom really didn't think much about it at the time.

I assumed A2 wasn't close to anyone in her preschool class because we didn't actually live in the town where she went to school. I didn't know the other mom's and we didn't hang out with them outside of school. I assumed most of the kids were friends because of location.

School started this year and A2 loved it! Everyone was her friend. Everyday she talked about new best friends. She looked forward to going, until spring break. Something changed after spring break.  She didn't want to go to school. She started telling me she didn't have friends. She would complain about kids in her class hurting her. She even had bruises one day. No worries her teacher took care of it. 

During one of our heartbreaking conversations I asked her what she does at recess. She told me that sometimes she talks to Miss Kris, the recess monitor. She says that other days she just sits on the sidewalk and watches the other kids play. I cried that night after I put her to bed. I just don't get it. Why wouldn't they want to be friends with my little girl!?! I thought maybe she was just being extra sensitive or she knew what buttons to push to get a reaction from me. Then it dawned on me that she had only been invited to 1 birthday party this year. It also occurred to me that A1 had only been invited to 2 parties. What am I doing wrong? Are my own social insecurities showing up in them?

Mac told me how tough it was to watch A2 at her class party. She was almost the last one picked for the game they were playing.  He said she just stood there begging to be picked, but was always overlooked. He can't relate, but for me it was an awful Jr. High PE flashback. Kids picking teams. Strong athletes picked first. Friends picked next. Carrie picked last. Yes, I was that kid. 

Today I overheard A1 giving A2 a pep talk about friends. Take cover the world is ending.  A1 was listing the kids in the A2's class who she knew were A2's friends. There were three. A1 kept telling her that each year she would keep the friends she already had and meet new kids and by the time she was in 3rd grade she would have tons of friends. A2 wasn't convinced.  She told her two of the girls were only friends with her because they felt sorry for her. A1 said they were her friends because they cared for her. A1 asked her why the other kids weren't friends with her and A2 once again made my heart hurt. She told A1 the kids in her class didn't like her because she was weird and sometimes most of the time she had food on her face and was fat. A1 reassured her that she wasn't weird; she was funny and creative. Then she told her she wasn't fat she was just a chubby girl. I am not sure I would have seen that as helpful, but... A1 did agree that A2 did walk around with food on her face and shirt most days and promised to help her fix that this summer.

How do I show A2 that when it comes to friends it is quality over quantity? It is much better to have a few good friends who will stick by your side, than a bunch of friends who will turn their backs when you have spaghetti on your cheek? How do I encourage her not to lose her weird? It is what makes her A2, the funny creative free spirit. How can I show her that it is the weird kids who grow up to be the super cool adults.

I mean other than letting her hang out with all our awesomely weird friends.

Unplanned Plans

I'm a detail girl. I like to plan. I like to have all the details worked out for my plans. I like to know what to expect. Sometimes my planning switches into an anxiety inducing compulsion.

Before a vacation, or even an outing, I do hours, who am I kidding? I do days and sometimes months, of research. My research transforms into scheduling every minute of fun. By the time the event actually takes place, I'm so stressed and exhausted, I can't enjoy myself. I'm grumpy, short tempered, and ready to cry at any given moment. Basically, I'm no fun. 

I'm slowly seeing the value in not planning. I'm working on living in the moment.  Tonight I did something I don't normally do; I made impromptu plans. I even had to change out of my elastic wasted shorts, but I managed to go with the flow and let whatever was going to happen, happen. 

45 minutes before A3's regular bedtime we were invited to join some friends at the park. My initial reaction was to stay home. The girls hadn't eaten, they weren't ready for bed, I was tired. The excuses poured out of my mind. Then I realized tonight was the last official Friday night of summer. I wasn't about to spend it sitting at home arguing with the girls. We were heading to the park. 

I'm so glad we went. I received some much needed laughter therapy with a friend who gets it. A friend who had a week that mirrored mine. A friend who has 2 amazing girls who mesh well with my 3. 

The girls ran and played with minimal tears, aside from a few "injuries" it was a dry eyed night. A1 got to see a romantic sunset. A2 was reunited with her besties. A3 proved again and again that she was no longer a little baby. 

Pizza Hut was the final stop on our impromptu adventure. We brought so much beautiful chaos. We increased the volume in that place to concert level. The 7 of us have quite a gift. For some reason the manager brought us a cup of crayons and blank paper while we waited for our pizza. The joke is on him, because this table of talented girls is able to multitask; color and cackle. So much talking and laughing. 

I was starting to stress about the fact that when we got home it was almost 2 hours after A3's bedtime, but she made it better by saying, without any promoting, "Yaya, had fun today." 

Unplanned plans are the best! 

Now, I need to plan our day for tomorrow...

Weekend Hermit

I have a bad habit during the school year of becoming a weekend hermit. I come home on Friday change out of my casual Friday Spirit wear and into my weekend uniform; some type of elastic wasted pants and an over stretched stained Tshirt. Once I shut the front door Friday evening, I have no itentions of leaving my house until Sunday morning at the earliest. Typically, my only exception to this rule is when we have a long weekend. I will sometimes make plans to leave the house to socialize. 

I tell myself I do this as a way to cope as an introvert in my extremely extroverted world. I say it is a way to recharge after a week of very little quiet time to myself. I make myself believe this is what is best for me. My well deserved downtime. 

What is really going on? Really I'm drowning in self pitty. I'm so overwhelmed by my weekend to-do list, that I do nothing. I clean, and yet seem to get nothing done. I do school work, but never get caught up. I prepare for the up coming week, but I'm never ready. 

This weekend I allowed myself to take a different approach. With the help of some great friends, I was able to change my normal weekend of isolation plans. Saturday night the girls and I went to a birthday party. Even though it was a party for one of A1's friends, I ended up having a great time. The girls played and played and played while I relaxed, laughed, watched a movie, laughed, picked up a new hobby, and laughed some more. Today we had some other great friends stop by to visit and drop off dinner. It was a welcomed treat! It is nice to be spoiled by people who don't mind chatting while being surrounded by 15 loads of clean, unfolded laundry. 

I'm much happier tonight. I haven't had the "Sunday Night Blues" kick in yet. I don't have everything done right now that I had planned on having finished, but my batteries are recharged. I feel ready for the week, at least I'm ready for Monday.  Next weekend I'm planning on trying my best not to be a weekend hermit and actually enjoy the weekend. 

My new hobby.