Tummy Trauma

This weekend we had our first swimming party since last summer so that meant a crazy search for swimming suits, even though all three girls got new suits for their birthdays last month.  The new suits disappeared somewhere between our laundry room and the girls' bedroom... I will find them before summer.

I managed to find two suits that belonged to A1.  As luck would have it one happened to fit A2.  Yes!!! Crisis averted, A1 and A2 had something to wear.  A3 wasn't getting in since I don't even own a suit and she can't swim alone and I really don't trust her mermaid-wanna-be sisters.

Before we left, I found A2 almost in tears staring at herself in the mirror wearing an adorable Ariel bikini.  I asked her what was wrong.  I took a deep breath, counting to ten in my head trying to keep the anger at bay, expecting her to be mad because she was wearing A1's suit; instead she said, "Everyone is going to laugh at me." Slowly coming down from my rage mountain I asked her why people would laugh. She said, "Because my tummy is fat and it sticks out when I wear this swimmy suit. People will laugh at my fat tummy." I was sunk.  I didn't know what to say to this mostly sweet 4 year old.  I, of course, told her that no one would laugh at her and that she was perfect just the way she was.  I told her that she should be proud of her tummy because without it her legs would be stuck in her armpits and that would be uncomfortable.  A1 jumped into the convo at this point. She squatted down and folded herself up so she looked like her legs were coming out of her armpits.  Then she tried to walk around the room.  She was unsuccessful at walking but she did manage to make A2 laugh and kind of forget about her tummy issues. Phew, thank goodness for A1! 

As I was throwing the last towel in the bag A2 asked me where my "swimmy suit" was and I told her I hadn't bought one for this summer yet.  She wanted to know what kind I would get, would it be a bikini like hers?  I told her it wouldn't be a bikini and then she wanted to know why I wouldn't but a bikini for myself if I buy bikini's for them.  With the earlier tummy trauma fresh in my mind I wanted to be smart with my answer.  I didn't want to tell her the first things that came to my mind which were, "Have you seen my stomach?" or "I don't buy bikini's because I am a mother of 3 in her mid 30's who loves McDonald's and hates working out." or even "I have had quiet body image issues most of my life.  I haven't bought a bikini since I was in college." I recognize that I was talking to a 4 year old and not a therapist.  I didn't want to burden her with my issues, although I may have already done so without those intentions.  I simply told her a half truth... I said I hadn't found one I liked.  That was true, I hadn't found one I liked because I hadn't looked for one in the first place.  I always head straight for the tankinis with the "water park mom" skirts.

Then she issued a little challenge for me, she said, "You should go to Target.  They have bikini's there.  You should be proud of your tummy like me." Man, she is good!  She knows how to turn my advice back on me AND she throws in my favorite store.  It looks like I will probably be buying 2 suits this year.  A bikini for the backyard and my standard tankini for public when my bikini is being washed.  I can already tell this is going to be an interesting summer!


Now I hope this pride in your tummy talk doesn't come back to haunt me in a few years...

Delightfully Different

No matter how many times I am faced with the differences between the girls I am always a little surprised and somewhat amazed at a new discovery.  The differences can be simple like the things they choose to eat; A1 hates goldfish crackers, A2 and A3 love them, A2 and A3 love hummus and A1 HATES it, A1 and A3 LOVE oatmeal and A2 detests it!  The differences can be more complex things that only those who spend a lot of time with the girls would know for example, A1 enjoys having her back scratched, while A2 prefers having her stomach scratched, and yet A3 likes to have her head rubbed. I promise I am talking about humans and not dogs!

Tonight's discovery/reminder made me laugh and scared me at the same time. 

A1 had just fessed up to kissing a boy under the picnic table at school.  She was super serious, with big eyes and slightly red cheeks, as she told me the details of this very special kiss on the cheek she received at the beginning of the school year from another first grader.  She ended story by admitting that she returned the favor by kissing this boy on the cheek as well.

 I put on my best serious face as I explained the hazards of boy kissing.  I started by appealing to her germ-a-phobic side.  I told her she could catch horrible illnesses by kissing boys. Nothing. Then I went on to tell her that she could get kicked out of school for kissing at school.  Nailed it!  She began a strange mixture of whimpering/crying and hyperventilating, shallow, rapid, breathing.  She was totally panicked.  It had never occurred to her that as a punishment she could get kicked out of school.  She started to question me.  I reassured that being kicked out of school is an absolutely reasonable punishment for kissing. 

About this time A2 joined in on the conversation.  Her eyes lit up.  Her face beamed with joy.  She exclaimed to A1, "If you don't have school then you won't have homework, PARTY!" Here is were I started to get nervous... what 4 year old thinks getting kicked out of school would be a fun punishment in order to avoid homework? This just dug at A1 more.  She argued that it would be the worst punishment because they would have to be home schooled and since mommy is already a teacher she would be really mean.  Tears started at this time.  A2 was beginning to dance a little. 

A1 yelled in between sobs in a strange high pitched voice to A2, "No, that would be awful.  They would take learning away.  We wouldn't be able to learn really cool stuff. Mommy wouldn't let us have chicks. We would be idiots for the rest of our lives." I began to feel slightly insulted and proud at the same time.  A2 lost interest in this conversation.  She shrugged her shoulders, contorted her face, as only A2 can, and she left the room.

How can I be raising a scholar and a party-girl?What does A3's future hold? I pray that their difference continue to amaze and entertain me!

Oh and please don't tell Mac about the kissing, I promised A1 I wouldn't tell him...

Self esteem

A few weeks ago I read on facebook that a girl's self esteem peaks at the age of nine... and since I read it on fb it must be true.  Regardless of the possible validity, I immediately started to panic.  What if I haven't done enough to help A1 achieve the greatest self esteem she could possibly have?  She only has two years left until her self esteem peaks. 

Now, people who know A1 would think I am crazy for worrying about this girl's self esteem.  At first glance she appears to have everything under control.  She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. I mean as much as any 7 year old could.  I see these things in her too but I also see a different side.  I see a girl who is very kind hearted and sensitive.  I see a girl who is worried about what others think of her.  A girl who wants everyone to like her.  A girl who is so focused on those few people who don't like her that she is willing to do things like pick up dog poop so another girl will play with her.  I worry that if she is willing to pick up poop now, what will she be willing to do when the stakes are higher when she is older?

I needed a plan. Since self esteem is being able to accept yourself for who you are, faults and all, I figured I should start by helping A1 understand that it is ok not being perfect.  She is a perfectionist and is very hard on herself when she makes a mistake or isn't able to to do something easily the first time.  First, I decided to ask her to list things that she was good at and things she needed help with.  She rattled off a long list of things she was good at, singing, dancing, swimming, putting on makeup, making up stories, playing the guitar, and doing math. She had a harder time coming up with a list of things she needed help with; cleaning her earrings was the only one she was able to think of on her own. 

For the next part of my plan I decided to let her sign up for any camp she wanted.  Let her try new things.  I was worried that she hadn't had the opportunity to play soccer or other sports since I had only put her in dance.  I worried that I was holding her back from reaching her full potential.  We went through the many different camp options offered from the school and community.  She wanted to try 7 different things this summer; swimming, tennis, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, cheer leading, and volley ball. I worried that this would be too much for one summer and I am not sure how many of those things she will be able to actually do since some of them take place at the same time and she is still too young for some...

The final part of my plan was to realize that A1 is fine the way she is.  She is interested in so many things.  She is only 7 and has so much time ahead of her.  My A1 is a special and unique girl she doesn't need me to pressure her into having a good self esteem with lists and camps.  I needed to leave my own self esteem issues out of my dealings with A1.  My own self esteem issues that have improved since becoming an adult and therefore, my self esteem DID NOT peak at 9.

Spring break is broke

My spring break is broke. My week of spring break freedom is coming to an end.  I am left with a long to-do-list of uncrossed-off projects and plans.  I am having that panicky Sunday night return to work feeling where I try to cram a week's worth of work into two hours.  I feel the crabbiness creeping into my body.  It is wanting to take over the fun relaxed mom that lived in my body for a week. 

Instead of scolding myself for avoiding work, I think I should focus on all the things that I did accomplish this week.  Maybe an attempt at staying positive will fight off the meanies ready to consume me. 

What I did on spring break 2013:

1. Played with A1, A2, and A3.
2. Baked 3 cakes for my sister.
3. Wore a dress.
4. Painted 30 toenails and 20 fingernails.
5. Made 9 days worth of breakfast including 4 batches of Cinnamon rolls.
6. Watched a new Barbie movie with the girls
7. Washed all the outside Little Tykes Toys with A2
8. Found the floors of all the bedrooms
9. Wrote a Young Authors story with Annelyse
10. Sang all the Seussical songs OVER, and OVER, and OVER again
11. Made meatloaf pucks
12. Took the girls to the doctor two different times.
13. Went to the pharmacy two different times.
14.  Had lunch at Red Lobster.
15. Watched a Foot Puppet Show performed by A2
16. Laughed, Laughed, Laughed
17. Folded some laundry
18. Picked out the plants for our garden
19. Ate 6 bags of Brach's Malted Eggs
20. Started running again

I may not have gotten all my Aimsweb caught up or all the rooms re-organized but I was super busy all week.  I was making memories with my girls who won't ever be 1, 4, and 7 on spring break again.