A few weeks ago I read on facebook that a girl's self esteem peaks at the age of nine... and since I read it on fb it must be true. Regardless of the possible validity, I immediately started to panic. What if I haven't done enough to help A1 achieve the greatest self esteem she could possibly have? She only has two years left until her self esteem peaks.
Now, people who know A1 would think I am crazy for worrying about this girl's self esteem. At first glance she appears to have everything under control. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. I mean as much as any 7 year old could. I see these things in her too but I also see a different side. I see a girl who is very kind hearted and sensitive. I see a girl who is worried about what others think of her. A girl who wants everyone to like her. A girl who is so focused on those few people who don't like her that she is willing to do things like pick up dog poop so another girl will play with her. I worry that if she is willing to pick up poop now, what will she be willing to do when the stakes are higher when she is older?
I needed a plan. Since self esteem is being able to accept yourself for who you are, faults and all, I figured I should start by helping A1 understand that it is ok not being perfect. She is a perfectionist and is very hard on herself when she makes a mistake or isn't able to to do something easily the first time. First, I decided to ask her to list things that she was good at and things she needed help with. She rattled off a long list of things she was good at, singing, dancing, swimming, putting on makeup, making up stories, playing the guitar, and doing math. She had a harder time coming up with a list of things she needed help with; cleaning her earrings was the only one she was able to think of on her own.
For the next part of my plan I decided to let her sign up for any camp she wanted. Let her try new things. I was worried that she hadn't had the opportunity to play soccer or other sports since I had only put her in dance. I worried that I was holding her back from reaching her full potential. We went through the many different camp options offered from the school and community. She wanted to try 7 different things this summer; swimming, tennis, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, cheer leading, and volley ball. I worried that this would be too much for one summer and I am not sure how many of those things she will be able to actually do since some of them take place at the same time and she is still too young for some...
The final part of my plan was to realize that A1 is fine the way she is. She is interested in so many things. She is only 7 and has so much time ahead of her. My A1 is a special and unique girl she doesn't need me to pressure her into having a good self esteem with lists and camps. I needed to leave my own self esteem issues out of my dealings with A1. My own self esteem issues that have improved since becoming an adult and therefore, my self esteem DID NOT peak at 9.
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