A2's Boiling Point

Friday night our world was rocked. All the problems we have had with A2 reached the boiling point last week and by Friday she was done. We received a note from her teacher to let us know she is concerned about the behaviors A2 has been displaying in class. A2 was described as bossy, talking back, and not paying attention or able to sit still.

Now this post could go in so many different directions... 

Bossy, that is an interesting choice of words. It is kind of a trigger word for parents, especially parents of girls, but I am not going there. Right now. 

Talking back, well... she is absolutely guilty of that at home, but we are discovering that there is a fine line between talking back and defending or explaining oneself. Tough lessons for a 1st grader, but I am not going there. Right now. 

Not paying attention or able to sit still, PE two days a week, indoor recess, recess taken away as a consequence, so much to say about this, but I am not going there. Right now. 

The part of the letter that really concerned me was the part about her kicking another student. She hasn't ever hit or kicked anyone, other than A1 a few times. But that is normal, right? It was time for a parent/child conference. We had a lot of things to discuss.

Things started out very calm. A2 was trying to explain what was going on in the classroom and why were teacher would need to write us the note. She didn't really understand the back talking or being bossy. No worries, we spent the weekend pointing those out to her.

Then her eating habits were brought up. Last week she began refusing to eat. She started by saying she wasn't hungry, but by the end of the week she was saying she couldn't eat because we didn't have anything healthy for her. I was trying to explain to her that food is the body's fuel. Her body wasn't getting what it needed, so that was probably where some of the behaviors were coming from. She quickly went from quietly sitting and listening to a sobbing puddle of emotions. She said, and this killed me, bringing me to tears, "It isn't fair that I am not skinny like A1, A3, and Mommy. Why can't I be skinny too? I hate my body. It isn't fair." Talk about a gut punch. No baby, nothing about metabolism is fair!  She didn't stop there, "I am stupid and I am dumb. I have to go to reading class because I am not smart at all."

We let her cry and tantrum a little. Then we went on to talk about how every one is built different and the important part is what we do to take care of our bodies. We listed things to do to make sure we are healthy; sleep, which she hasn't been doing, eating right, exercising, wearing the right kind of clothes for the weather, and so on. She and I made plans on what we could do to make sure we are following through with all the things to make our bodies stay healthy.

We are working on ways to help her sleep better and not lay in her bed for hours tossing and turning. Sleeping oils, cut back on screen time, meditative breathing, listening to podcasts instead of watching YouTube.  This girl needs her sleep, but she just can't shut her mind off. She can lay in bed talking or singing to herself for hours.

A2 and I talked about healthy breakfast choices. She loves to cook, so I knew letting her help me with this would be exactly what she needed. A2 and I pre-made breakfast burritos for the next two weeks. That should be the perfect way to start her day off right.

The girls and I have a new exercise plan. A1, A2, and I are getting up early to workout before school. I think (hope) this will help with the focus problems. We will mix it up between kids yoga, dance, and Shawn T's kids workouts. A2 picked out yoga mats for everyone this weekend. She is super excited about this part of the plan. She gets to pick what workout we do each morning.

I spent Saturday focusing on A2. Mac took on the rest of the girls, so she and I could have some much needed one-on-one time. We spent the entire day shopping and talking. The rest of the weekend was so smooth. This was what she needed. She had been quietly begging for attention and it wasn't until she started screaming for it, that I even noticed.

Mac and I realized we need to refocus our attention. We need to make sure the girls aren't feeling left out and like no one is paying attention to them. It is so easy to get caught up in all the extra things that you can forget about the important things. We have readjusted our priorities and have cancelled some plans. I am starting my busy time at school because of the musical, so this means all of my free time will need to go to the girls and not anywhere else. We will get through this.

Tonight when I tucked A2 into bed, she told me she was so excited for the morning. She couldn't wait to get up and exercise with me and then eat her breakfast burritos. She was happy and bubbly. She was A2 again.

Dreaded Report Card Day

Report card day is just ugh! Report day is the whole month of August crammed into one day, one craptastic day. I haven't always had these dreadful feelings about report card day. I used to ignore it; completely let it slip out of my mind. I didn't have to even check. I just knew how A1 was doing. All 3's, meeting or exceeding benchmarks, all the time. School is easy for her, but that doesn't mean she doesn't put crazy amounts of pressure on herself to be the best. I decided when she was in kindergarten we wouldn't put much emphasis on this paper because it was telling me what I already knew about my girl. She was doing what she was supposed to do.

Now jump ahead to A2... Totally different kid, totally different situation.

In some ways the situations are the same. I really don't need to check A2's report card. I just know how A2 is doing, below benchmark and making little progress, all the time. Occasionally she will have a making progress towards the benchmark, just to keep me on my toes, but never, ever a meeting or exceeding benchmark. School is hard for her and she knows it. Why am I putting so much emphasis on this paper? It isn't telling me anything I don't already know about my girl. It isn't telling me anything she doesn't already know about herself. I know all of this, but it is still making my eyeballs sweat.

She is aware that the other kids read higher level books. She is aware that she doesn't understand what the other kids understand. She knows. She is reading Level D books. She says they are level D for dumb. She knows her friends are reading other not dumb books. She knows. She saw when all the kids in her class got books at their reading levels for Christmas: her level D book looked like a baby book compared to her classmate's chapter books. She saw. She feels like she isn't good enough when she has to go to another room for reading. She feels.

The homework assignment for A2 is to go over the report card with her, identify her strengths, identify her weaknesses, and come up with goals to improve for next quarter. This is a great activity for someone who has a weakness in one area, but for a kid who doesn't really have an area of strength, this activity sucks! "Hey, A2 look you don't suck as bad at math, unless it is those damn word problems." No thank you! I will take a pass on this activity. Instead I took a different approach. I had A2 tell me what areas she felt the strongest in (Art, Writing, and sometimes math). I asked her what was the hardest thing for her (Duh, reading).  I asked what we could do to make reading easier. (Not do it). After some prompting we decided we would continue to do what we have been doing; reading every night, working on our computer reading programs, and keep working with the greatest tutor who ever lived.

I hold out hope that one day I won't dread report card day or sit and cry after I see, once again, my kid doesn't measure up. It is hard as a mom to sit back and watch your kid struggle, it is especially hard to watch your kid struggle when you are a special education teacher and you feel helpless and unable to "fix" your own child. I am drying my tears. I am done crying over report card day, at least for this quarter.

Christmas Movie Addiction

It is no secret that I love Christmas movies. I can watch them all day and all night. I began watching them October 31st when the Hallmark Channel started running their Countdown to Christmas movie marathon. I love that I can turn on the TV, find a movie and no matter where it is in the story line I can figure out the entire story within minutes. I love the simple happiness of these movies. I love that I don't have to worry about quickly changing the channel if one of the girls happen to sneak out of bed at night. I love that the girls can watch the movies and I don't have to worry that the magic of Christmas will be spoiled. I love how they all end tied up in fancy little red bows.

Christmas movies are the best.

BUT we all know too much of a good thing really isn't all that good.

In the last few days there have been signs that I may have a serious addition to Christmas movies...

1. A3 didn't agree with my show choice a few days ago. She said, "This isn't your show! Your shows have Christmas trees."

2. We were watching the trailer for "Fuller House". After the trailer was over "Where are they now?" type of pictures popped up showing how the cast members currently look. When the girls saw Candace Cameron Bure, A3 excitedly pointed and screamed, "Look mom! It is your best friend!"

3. A2 bravely asked to changed the channel away from the Hallmark Channel. I told her it was fine and she was in shock. She couldn't believe I was letting her actually change the channel. "Wow! That was much easier than I thought. At least she wasn't watching one of her movies."

4. Mac asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. I had no idea what movie to even pick. I have been stuck in made for tv movie land for months. I don't even know what a real movie looks like.

5. I still have 2 Christmas movies saved on the DVR. I can't bring myself to watch them, because then they will be gone. I will have to wait until July when Hallmark brings them back out for their Christmas in July promotion. I want to savor those movies. Watch them at the perfect time, without distractions or interruptions. I need to take in every single minute.  

I am not sure if there is some type of a recovery group for Christmas movie addicts, but I need one. I know I am not alone, there is a certain sister of mine who also suffers from the same affliction. It probably would be a good topic to discuss at our next family therapy gathering. 

Game Changer

I learned numerous lessons in 2015.

The biggest, the game changer...

I don't have to wash my hair everyday. Up until December, I was a daily hair washer, sometimes I would wash it twice a day. I thought the non-daily hair washers were only new moms, angsty teens, and/or homeless people. I was wrong. Non-daily hair washers are normal people, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family. Although, I learned my daily hair washing habits from my mom, so my family might not fall in this non-daily hair washing revolution.

I overheard some of my friends, friends with beautiful hair, talk about their washing habits. One admitted to washing her hair once a week and the other laughed, admitting she couldn't even remember the last time she washed it. WHAT!?! This had to be an anomaly. Surely, most people washed their hair everyday like I did. I started investigating. I asked people; most were not daily hair washers. I did internet research; I found tons of info on why you shouldn't wash your hair everyday.

I started questioning my entire hygienic existence.

I wanted to experiment with a change in my hair grooming habits, but I was scared. I didn't want to have gross, dirty hair. I didn't want to have smelly hair. I didn't want to be an icky person. I kept putting off the trial. I continued to be a daily hair washer, until I was fed up with being attacked by my unruly static infused hair. I couldn't take one more minute of my hair being stuck to my face or standing straight out from my head. I needed to do something. In one of the internet articles I read, I was told over washing hair can contribute to static.

That is it! Time to stop over washing my locks.

December seemed like a logical month to slow down the washing. I knew I wouldn't have to work the entire month because of Christmas break. I knew my co-workers would be extremely busy, so I was hoping they wouldn't notice my hair if it was, in fact, gross. December started on a Tuesday, so during the first week I washed my hair before December started and then again on Wednesday. I was off on Friday, so I didn't feel weird about not washing it again until Sunday. Then I washed it on Tuesday and Friday. The next week it was Sunday and Wednesday. Then we had break... The whole month of December I washed my hair only 6 times. In that month I got a lot of compliments on my hair. WHAT!?!

How could that even be possible? It could be the fact that instead of taking the time to wash and dry my hair everyday, I was taking the time to actually style my hair. I was doing stuff with it. OR, it could be because my hair was happier and possibly healthier?

Whatever the reason, I will continue of this path of non-daily hair washing. At least until someone tells me I am gross.