Dreaded Report Card Day

Report card day is just ugh! Report day is the whole month of August crammed into one day, one craptastic day. I haven't always had these dreadful feelings about report card day. I used to ignore it; completely let it slip out of my mind. I didn't have to even check. I just knew how A1 was doing. All 3's, meeting or exceeding benchmarks, all the time. School is easy for her, but that doesn't mean she doesn't put crazy amounts of pressure on herself to be the best. I decided when she was in kindergarten we wouldn't put much emphasis on this paper because it was telling me what I already knew about my girl. She was doing what she was supposed to do.

Now jump ahead to A2... Totally different kid, totally different situation.

In some ways the situations are the same. I really don't need to check A2's report card. I just know how A2 is doing, below benchmark and making little progress, all the time. Occasionally she will have a making progress towards the benchmark, just to keep me on my toes, but never, ever a meeting or exceeding benchmark. School is hard for her and she knows it. Why am I putting so much emphasis on this paper? It isn't telling me anything I don't already know about my girl. It isn't telling me anything she doesn't already know about herself. I know all of this, but it is still making my eyeballs sweat.

She is aware that the other kids read higher level books. She is aware that she doesn't understand what the other kids understand. She knows. She is reading Level D books. She says they are level D for dumb. She knows her friends are reading other not dumb books. She knows. She saw when all the kids in her class got books at their reading levels for Christmas: her level D book looked like a baby book compared to her classmate's chapter books. She saw. She feels like she isn't good enough when she has to go to another room for reading. She feels.

The homework assignment for A2 is to go over the report card with her, identify her strengths, identify her weaknesses, and come up with goals to improve for next quarter. This is a great activity for someone who has a weakness in one area, but for a kid who doesn't really have an area of strength, this activity sucks! "Hey, A2 look you don't suck as bad at math, unless it is those damn word problems." No thank you! I will take a pass on this activity. Instead I took a different approach. I had A2 tell me what areas she felt the strongest in (Art, Writing, and sometimes math). I asked her what was the hardest thing for her (Duh, reading).  I asked what we could do to make reading easier. (Not do it). After some prompting we decided we would continue to do what we have been doing; reading every night, working on our computer reading programs, and keep working with the greatest tutor who ever lived.

I hold out hope that one day I won't dread report card day or sit and cry after I see, once again, my kid doesn't measure up. It is hard as a mom to sit back and watch your kid struggle, it is especially hard to watch your kid struggle when you are a special education teacher and you feel helpless and unable to "fix" your own child. I am drying my tears. I am done crying over report card day, at least for this quarter.