I tend to become a hermit on my school breaks. It is a chance for me to recharge and be able to be an introvert functioning in a social world. When I am on a short break, like spring break, I try to avoid leaving my house at all costs. I have been quite successful this week. I have only left my house to visit a sweet newborn and my hair dresser. Both were limited human interaction experiences, so they hardly count as rejoining the real world.
Today, against my better judgment, the girls and I left the comfort of our house to buy new shoes. I knew when I left the house this would mean multiple stores and LOTS of people.
The rest of this blog is dedicated to the people who made me want to run home, lock my door, and hide under the covers...
To Scatterbrained Couponing Mom: Our interaction began before we met. I approached a checkout line with a lady finishing her purchase and an almost empty cart behind. The cart contained a few random items; toothpaste, dog food, gum, sandwich bags, and a five year old. I assumed the women checking out was with you since your daughter was with her, but as she finished her transaction your daughter began to panic and was screaming for you to hurry back because it was your turn. You returned with your crazy eyes and just stared at me. You made me want to run away. I stayed. You started arguing with the cashier because your coupon didn't work. He tried to explain that the coupon wouldn't work because you tore the bar code. You didn't care you wanted your $1. You clipped it. You earned it. I waited for a manager to tell the young cashier what to do. The manager came. You complained the entire time he was talking to the cashier. The cashier finished your transaction. You left. The cashier scanned my stuff; 1 item, 2 items, 3 items, AND you are back. You jump next to the cashier, you scare him. You stuff your receipt in his face. You scream that he has made a mistake. He apologizes. He tells you to go to customer service. You leave. He scans my next item. You come back. You tell him the line is too long for you. You tell him he needs to fix it. The lady behind me tells you, under her breath, that you are nuts and to go back to customer service where you left your daughter in your cart. You stare at her. You leave. You made me want to run away.
To Deep Red: You nearly rear-ended me in the construction zone. I did not approve of your wild drive our the rude words you said that I could clearly see since you were practically in my backseat. In my head I said some really mean things to you. You drove past me. You gave me a special wave. You made me want to run away. BTW, as clever as I am, your name was how I interpreted your license plate I just didn't think I could top Deep Red.
To Personal Space Super Creep: You got in line for a pretzel immediately after I did. No one else was in line other than the lady in front of us. You insisted on standing super close. I turned to see if you were someone I knew playing a joke. As my nose hit your nose, I realized I didn't know you. I looked for the hidden camera. This had to be a joke. Who would stand this close to someone? I took a step forward. You took a step forward. Your breath moved the hair on the back of my head. I looked back at you. You were too close I couldn't even focus on you. I started to panic. You made me want to run away. I ordered. The man who took my order thought we were together because we were practically joined at the hip. I didn't know you, but you made me want to run away. (And sterilize myself)
To Facebook Freak: I am happy you thought I looked like someone who would want to see a status update from your friend while we waited in line, but I didn't know you and you didn't know me. You were a stranger and honestly I wanted to keep it that way. Yes, the story you showed me was very cute, but clearly, I am busy and huge decisions were being made as my girls argued about which cookie they were going to order. You really shouldn't tap on the shoulder of a mom trying to maintain a little bit of control of her three wild youngsters. I did my best to be polite but you made me want to run away!
To Teenaged Assassins: I am sure this started as a fun game. Run around and shoot people who go to your high school. You nearly slammed into my car as I was loading the girls into the car in the parking lot of the mall. You were lucky my stroller was the only thing behind my car. You were lucky I was in shock as you pulled away. You were lucky that you made me want to run away or you would have seen my sweet ninja moves. BTW YOU ARE VERY LUCKY YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY STICKERS FOR YOUR HIGH SCHOOL ON YOUR CAR BECAUSE I WOULD BE THAT LADY WHO WOULD BE TURNING YOU IN BECAUSE YOU ARE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T KILL ANYONE!
I know I said super crabby and nasty and maybe today I am but I do have to admit there is someone who we ran into that kind of made my day...
To Triple Threat: You were a scary looking trio. You walked shoulder to shoulder and took up the entire aisle. Stacked on top of each other you would have been at least 18 ft tall with a combined weighed of 750lbs. Your super large arms were covered in homemade tattoos, (and I'm not talking about the cute wet and stick princess tattoos we do at our house). You wore attire that would make someone as sheltered as me assume you were in a gang. You made me want to run away. As we passed you, A2 told you not to step on a crack because it was "hot lava." You all played along. One of you jumped over the crack. One of you told the other the watch out. The third pretended to step on the crack but pulled your foot back at the last second. You all smiled at A2 and had a good laugh. You made me happy that I didn't run away.
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