Talentlessness

Talent: noun | tal-ent | \ta-lent\ | a special ability that allows someone to do something well; a special often athletic, creative, or artistic aptitude; general intelligence or mental power

Merriam Webster proves what I have been saying for years; I don't have any special talents.  I don't have a special ability that allows me to so something exceptionally well. The thought of me having an athletic aptitude is laughable. Definitely not artistic. Creative: maybe, but I don't think my creativity and pinterest mess gives me a stand out talent. 

My talentlessness (Is making up words a talent?) wouldn't be so stingy if I wasn't friends with some of the most talented people to ever walk the earth. I have friends who can sing, like really sing. Singing that makes you stop what you are doing, because you just have to listen. My dancing friends are amazing and better than the girls on Dance Moms. I have creative friends who paint, draw, and photograph. They make the stuff that will someday show up in museums. My writer friends publish articles in magazines, sell novels, and write for sitcoms. My baking friends rival Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker. Surprisingly, I even have athletically talented friends. People who got scholarships to play in college. 

Anytime I whine to my super talented friends about my lack of talents, they reassure me that I do have talents. I always ask what my talents are and then the crickets show up... No one can ever identify my talents.

This week we were reading The Berensain Bears and The Talent Show, that is a lie, we watched the episode on Sprout. Brother Bear had the same problem as me; no talent. His teacher pointed out that everyone has talent, but it isn't always something that can be displayed on stage or in a frame. Brother discovered his talent was recruiting people to participate in the talent show. WOW! Brother has a talent. I still don't. We are having a Talent Show fundraiser and judging from the number of super talented students we have at the high school and the lack of people participating; recruiting talented participants isn't my talent. 

Brother's teacher is right though, everyone has talents... What are mine? I should make a list...

1. Making lists; This is a talent right? I love making lists. I am good at it! In fact I excel at making lists. I am a talented list maker! You should see the trail of lists I leave where ever I go: Shopping lists, Daily To-Do Lists, Lists of things that annoy me, Lists of things that make me happy. Lists are the best!
2. Helping people make bad decisions: I do have an aptitude for being a bad influence. 
1. You are on a diet? You look sad. Let's go to McDonald's, my treat.
2. You are in debt?  You look sad. Let's go shopping, there is a sale.
3. You have given up sweets? You look sad. Here I baked you a dozen cupcakes.
3. Having children: Now I am really stretching to find talents.  I am not sure that having children is really a talent, but I had extremely easy pregnancies and deliveries. I guess more than anything, I just have a talented uterus. 
4. Making people laugh: one of my truly talented friends once told me my talent is making people laugh. This one confuses me, because most of the time people are laughing at my pathetic life. My mistakes, my mishaps, and my stumbles are hilarious, not me. I think what my sweet friend was really saying was that I am talented at being pathetic.
5. Procrastinating: Is this a skill or a talent? Either way, I am really good at it.  This is a talent I have been working on since I was in kindergarten. Have homework? I better fold laundry first. Have to fold laundry? Better watch one more episode of Dance Moms. Have to pay bills? Better write a blog post first. I have mastered procrastination, I guess I am a talented procrastinator.
6. Worrying: If worrying is a talent, then I would be the Rebrandt of worry. At any given moment I am worrying about something.  Something real, something made up, something plausable, something improbable; it doesn't matter, I am worrying about it. I often lose sleep because I am worrying about something that won't ever happy. Some days I can't eat because I am worried. I try to tell myself not to worry, because, as Jewel pointed out, "worry is wasteful and useless in times like these." I want to be like Jewel. I want to stop the worry, but it is always there.  It is my talent.

I guess, if you can call them talents, I do have some. Now I wonder if Bother's teacher would consider any of my special abilities talents... Probably, if his talent is making people feel good about themselves.