Honorary A Team Member

I love trying new things and being the center of attention.

NOPE! That is a lie. I actually detest both of those things.  I am perfectly happy sticking to my same routine and sitting on the side lines.  And that is OK.

A lot of my friends really do LOVE trying new things and being the center of attention. And that is OK.

Sometimes when our worlds collide my friends can actually get me to try new things and be a part of a shared center of attention. Sometimes I even don't hate it.  Sometimes I would go as far as saying I enjoy it. Sometimes.

Andrew, our honorary A Team member, is one of those friends who loves trying new things and also doesn't mind being the center of attention. :) He is one of those friends who can get me to step out of my comfort zone and get me to try new things.  He can even get me to do things that pull me off the side lines.  A few summers ago he got me to try a dance class (Lessons from Dance Class). Andrew is one of the few people who can get me out on the dance floor without having had several glasses of cranberry juice... Andrew is just fun!

Actually, Andrew isn't just fun. He is also awesome. He is kind and happy.  He loves life.

A while ago, I got a text from Andrew.  I was about to be placed outside of my comfort zone in a major way...
He asked me to be his prom court date for Adult Prom. My initial reaction, after swallowing my vomit, was to say no, run away, lock my door, and hide under the covers. This would require me to wear a dress, makeup, and probably heals on stage, in front of a crowd. Even if we didn't win, I would have to be announced to the crowd and stand in front of EVERYONE. #notmything I started to break out in hives. I planned on telling him no. I talked to Mac and he didn't think it was a bad idea. Thanks for having my back. I went against my better judgement and told him I would do it.

Then my unrealistic anxiety kicked in...

I knew I was being set up. This had to be a joke. My friends, or the people I thought were my friends, got together, without me knowing, and plotted my demise.  They decided as a joke they would get me on prom court, make me think I had a chance at getting queen, and then BOOM, in front of the whole crowd they would reveal it was all a humorous prank... I have seen all the teen movies of the 90's. I know this happens.

Pull it together, Carrie, this won't happen.

Then it dawned on me. My parents were also in on this... They named me Carrie for a reason. I know what happens to Carrie's at prom. Thanks mom and dad for naming me after a Stephen King movie, not that that was the reason they named me Carrie, but still... They named me Carrie a few years after THAT movie came out.

Andrew assured me this wasn't the plot of a 90's teen drama or a horror flick. He just wanted to be prom royalty and for some reason thought I would be a good addition to his team.

Since he is a great person and impossible to say no to, I agreed.

Now, to make him king...

I need help. The couple who raises the most money for Springfield Area Arts Council, SAAC, wins.  The SAAC is a great organization that supports and promotes all art forms.  (They are the ones who put on First Night.)

Rumor has it, Andrew and I are behind, way behind.  We really need donations. If you would like to donate, you can go to http://springfieldartsco.org/adult-prom/ and click on our picture. You won't regret it... I might. Still keeping my fingers crossed there won't be any blood involved. 

Complete Strangers' Crude Comments

Keep in mind, I am not the most easy going person once May 1 hits...

When we first meet people or strangers witness our family of 3 girls we get all kinds of reactions and comments. Some are kind and polite while others are just plain rude and even vulgar. I usually ignore them or politely retort with some witty non-offensive comeback, but I have had it! It could just be my May meanness lashing out, but I am ready to fight back with a less polite witty and possibly offensive comeback. Since the beginning of May, Mac and I have heard these insane crude comments from complete strangers... now it is my time to tell them off, even if it is just in my heard. 

1. Wow! 3 girls? Give it about 5 years and your poor husband is going to need to move out; all those hormones. 
"Seriously? You think it will take 5 years? I am sure he is ready to move out now. Not because of GIRL hormones, but because there are 5 people living and arguing in the same house. Heck, most days I am ready to move out." 
OR
"Oh, you're right. Only teenage girls have fluctuating hormones.  The hormones of a teenage boy are totally stable and constant. No changes in emotions. No acne. No new stinks. No rage. Totally stable... Wait, a minute! All teens are rough to raise. They are supposed to be.  They are trying to grow up and become independent. Their bodies and minds are changing.  It is completely normal for a teen, boy or girl, to be a little wack-a-doo. No, my poor husband won't need to move out. We might need a time out though."

2. You have three beautiful girls! Have you thought about how you are going to pay for prom?
"Are you flipping kidding me? Have I thought about how I am going to pay for prom? My kids are 9, 6, and 3. No, I have not thought about how I am paying for prom! For crying out loud, I am thinking about how I am going to pay for pre-school, ballet, tap, jazz, hip-hop, piano lessons, and Girls Scouts. I am not thinking about an event that is a Dance that is ONE night. Are you kidding me? Yes, I understand the price of dresses is outrageous and people spend ridiculous amounts of money on dresses. That is not me.  That is not my style.  I have no problem saying no to the girls. I have no problem setting a budget and sticking to it. If you have the money to spend $1,000 on a dress, more power to you. I do not.  I will not. And that is that.  So, I guess I have thought about how I am going to pay for prom... I am not spending much."

3. You have 3 girls, you know that increases the chances that one of them will be a lesbian. 
"I really don't think that is how it works... BUT if that is how it works; when which ever the chosen lesbian is finds her lady and gets married, that just gives us the chance to love another daughter. You moron." 

4. I hope your husband has a shot gun.
"First of all, please don't encourage Mac.
Second, are you saying that I am raising helpless girls who are too dumb to make good decisions on dating? Honestly, we have all made a bad dating choices. You were probably someone's bad decision. Should you be shot?
Third, why would my girls need their father to chase of bad beaus with a gun? Why couldn't it be me?" 

5. As a parent of 4 boys, I only have to worry about 4 penises. You have to worry about 1,000s of penises. 
<Chokes back vomit>
"Seriously? Did you just imply that my daughters, who are 9, 6, and 3, are sluts? Are you making a joke about them having sex? Are you drunk or are you just stupid?" 
<Tells Mac to get his shotgun, because some jerk just offended 2 out of 3 his daughters. Since 1 is bound to be a lesbian, we won't have to worry about her and penises anyway.>

People need to stop trying to be witty. There is no need for small talk, unless you are kindly telling me my unmatching, smudge faced children are delightful, you can keep walking. I don't want to try to be polite to people who aren't polite to me.  I feel much better after telling off all the rude people I have run across this month, even if it is just in my head.
and now on the internet...

May

I haven't been nice since April.

May = Mean Month!

The pressure of everything is getting to me; including the pressure from all the weather changes.

May = Migraines!

I am stressed. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I am trying to do too much and failing, a lot of failing. 

I feel like we are all going in different directions. We haven't sat down for a normal family meal in weeks. We haven't had regular bedtimes in weeks. We haven't kept up with our normal chore routines in weeks. 

I am drowning in survival mode. I rush through the day, trying to keep track of all the schedules, stay a step ahead of the chaos. The girls are going to bed at the same time as me. I am not getting anything done. I get up early to try to clean; A3 gets up early to try to entertain me. I am not getting anything done. 

Our schedule is crazy and it isn't slowing down anytime soon. Something needs to give. I can't keep doing what I am doing.  Thank goodness Joyful June is right around the corner and something will give...

NO MORE SCHOOL!

No more teacher mommy, just plain mommy.

No more homework!

No more fighting over wearing clothes. A2, I am talking to you!

No more homework!

No more strict bedtimes! Just the not as strict, "You need to go to bed for your own good" bedtimes

No more homework!

No more school lunch arguments No, A1, a jelly sandwich is not a healthy choice.

No more homework!

No more rushing after work to get to after school activities.

No Mean Month of May

June is coming! June is coming! June is coming! There will be happiness again... 

until the arguing starts.

What is Puberty?

"Mom what is puberty?" 

Thanks A1! I was looking forward to an uneventful easy night. Why does she have to feel comfortable enough to ask me such things? Just one time I would like to write about how I wished my daughter would open up to me and stop hiding all of her questions. 

Actually that is a lie.  I really and truly am happy that she feels comfortable enough to ask me questions and I don't have to snoop through a diary or her Youtube history (which is all about mermaids) to find out what is going on in her life. I guess I just wish I had some magical pause button that would allow me enough time to collect my thoughts and gather information before I answered her questions.  

IF I had that pause button, here are my best answers:

1. My confused friend Brittany would advise; "Puberty is a time when you're not a girl, not yet a woman." 

2. My science friends would pull out charts and power points. They would say, "During puberty, your pituitary gland in your brain would release hormones. These hormones would stimulate the production of androgen and estrogen in the ovaries. These hormones cause all the physical changes in your body."

3. My friends at Always would propose a jaunt through a flower garden. Mom and daughter holding hands skipping after butterflies that lightly brush our noses. Daughter sweetly giggling while mom tells her adoring daughter of the magical time she is entering. Daughter understands without further questions our comments.

4. My friends at Pinterest would whip up a "Welcome to Puberty Basket." In the handmade basket she would find the American Girl "Body Book," decoupaged deodorant, an embroidered training bra, fancy wrapped and no doubt personalized Always pads, girly hair products, and natural toned makeup. This is an actual thing on Pinterest.

5. My super honest friends would say, "Puberty is a time when you change.  You change from the sweet girl we have loved your entire life, to a demon creature we won't even recognize. Your moods will change from happy to a crying puddle of anger in seconds, all the time, without warning. You will hate me, love me, hate me, love me, and I will feel the same about you; only it will be more of a strong dislike, very strong. Your beautiful clear face won't be so clear; 

remember when Ramona called Beezus "Pizza Face?"  Your body will change. You will feel awkward; less coordinated. YOU WILL NEED TO SHOWER EVERY DAY; a real shower not a dip your head under the water shower. Judging from the way you have been acting the last few months, you will be spending a lot of time alone in your room, without any electronics.  Buckle up sister, puberty is a time of change." 

Since I don't have a magic pause button, what I said was simply, "Puberty is the time you spend changing from a little kid to an adult."

A1 asked, "What changes?"

I tried to keep it light, "Well everything has to change, since you are becoming a grown up. Your body will change and the way you think will change."

A1 wasn't finished, "Man that sounds like a lot of work. I think it will be hard on me."

Not so under my breath, I reassured her it would be hard on all of us. 

P.S. I wouldn't take parenting advice from Brittany Spears, but sometimes loudly breaking out in song eases the tension. Therefore; Brittany would have helped in this situation, if I had that pause button.