Not a Baby Anymore

It finally happened.

A3 was old enough to join her older sisters at VBS I know that isn't what it is called anymore, but I really don't like change, so it will always be VBS to me. This is the first year I have dropped off all the girls and didn't have anyone to tote back to the car. I have always used VBS as a time to catch up with the youngest A Team member. Now VBS is a time to catch up with me.

I almost had myself talked out of of leaving A3. She seems so much younger than the other two were when they were three. I just didn't feel right about leaving my baby with strangers, even if they were God's strangers. I was confident the other two would be able to hitchhike home if something bad went down, but not A3; she could hardly tell a stranger her name. What was I doing? I prayed all the way to church. I was doing my best to let God handle the worry. When we got to the parking lot A2 said she really felt bad for me since I was going to be all alone. Was that my sign? Was God telling me to keep Amelya so I wouldn't have to be alone? I still didn't feel confident one way or the other. We kept walking.

As we get closer to the door, I noticed a group of young moms. They had just dropped off their sweet preschool kids and had their tiny babies in carriers or strollers. I started to get stroller envy. I wanted to be the one pushing my baby back to the car in a stroller. About the time, A3 started getting crowd panicky. She went from not wanting to be near me to scaling my leg like a prisoner climbing a wall to freedom. She started to whine, "Moooooooomy, hold me. Hold me. Hold me." I told her no and that she needed to walk. She started hyperventilating, "Mommy, hold me. Pleaaaase! I am a baby. I am not big!" There is was that sign from God. Sure A3 acts younger than the other two girls at the age, because I treat her like the baby. I haven't let her grow up like the other two girls. She NEEDED to be allowed to go to VBS.    

I saw a couple familiar faces that made me feel even better about leaving A3. I walked her to her group and she was so distracted by all the kids, the singing, and the generally happy noises that she didn't even notice she wasn't with me. I slowly walked to the back to be the creepy parent who won't let go. I watched and watched. Thankfully, she was singing and dancing and happy as could be. I decided it was ok to leave...

I had three hours all to myself. I didn't know what to do with all that time! There were so many options...

• I could clean the house.
• I could write a post for the blog.
• I could read a best seller.
• I could write a best seller.
• I could read some potential musicals for next year.
• I could grocery shop without anyone complaining.
• I could watch totally and completely grown up non-kid friendly shows.
• I could start and finish T25 without any interruptions.

What I ended up doing;

• Cried in the car for about 10 minutes.
• Went to the grocery store.
• Played the "What If Game
• What if A3 was crying?
• What if A3 wasn't crying?
• What if A3 was too scared to tell someone she had to go to the bathroom?
• What if A3 had an accident? I didn't bring a change of clothes.
• What if A3 wanders off from the group and gets lost?
• What if A3 sees the older girls and won't go back with her teachers?
• What if A3 punches someone?
• What if A3 calls the other kids, "Vaginas"? Sadly, this has been a very entertaining new name she calls her sisters. Why couldn't she stick with "Buttface?
• Watched a Hallmark movie.
• Ate a chocolate chip cookie and didn't have to share it with anyone.
• Left the house 10 minutes before I needed to because no one was there to slow me down.

When I pick up the girls, A3 said, "Mommy, I cried and cried and cried. You left me."  I sure did and I am doing it again tomorrow. Your preschool teachers will thank me and someday you will too!

On the way home the older girls excitedly told all of their A3 sightings. Funny, no one saw her crying the 5 different times they passed her...

Poor Middle Child

Last night A2 tearfully told me she was ready to go back to school, because this has been the worst summer ever. She said she was bored because she wasn't allowed to ever do anything.  My initial reaction was to blow it off. She was just being dramatic. I then tried to guilt her into thinking she was having a fun summer.  I told her she was having a great summer.  I reminded her she was in a fun camp last week. I compared her to A3 and pointed out that she is the one who hasn't done anything. A2 didn't care. She was upset and I was ruining her summer, and quite possibly, her life.

I couldn't let it go, even after she seemed to have gotten over it. The truth is, no matter how I wonderful I thought her summer was going she thought it was blah. And really, the more I thought about it, she was actually right her summer wasn't that great. All it has really consisted of so far is get in the car, buckle up, drop off A1, get out of car, eat lunch, get back in the car, buckle up, pick up A1, get out of the car, argue with A1, eat dinner, get in the car, buckle up, drop off A1, get out of the car, go to bed; oh and rain, so much rain. Poor kid has spent most of her summer in and out of the car. Her whole summer has been centered around A1's schedule and it was really starting to wear on A2. Poor middle child.

I decided I needed to do something to change her horrible summer. Tonight became A2 night. We did all things A2. I thought like A2 and we went with it. After dropping off A1 at rehearsal we went to the grocery store. I told her she could pick out anything she wanted; she picked out bananas. Then we went to rent a movie. This whole renting movies concept blew her mind. Too many choices and not enough choices all at the same time. She rented Annie. Totally appropriate, since she has had such a Hard Knock Life... Next we went to McDonald's. It seemed like a great night for Happy Meals, plus A1 has been treated to some type of McDonald's every night after rehearsal and it has become and issue between the girls. Thanks Nana. 

As we were leaving McDonald's, music from the bar next door filled our car. I decided to think like A2. I pulled into a spot closest to the bar, but still in McDonald's parking lot, rolled down the windows and had a car picnic. The girls giggled and ate every bite of their food. They both car danced while the cool breeze blew through the car.  A2 described what each of the singers looked like based on the picture in her head. She was having a great time. She even said it was the best night ever.

I win, she wins. #Bestnightever, until she gets mad and tells me her life is horrible.

Not Black and White

Friday afternoon Mac and I were discussing the Rachel Dolezal situation while A2 colored with her brand new summer crayons. Surprise! Sometimes I do watch things that aren't on Sprout, Disney, or Dance Moms. Sometimes I am up to date on current event issues, not always, but sometimes.

After hearing us talk, A2 looked at me. She was puzzled and completely serious when she asked, "Wait, did you say there are white people?"

I gave her an equally puzzled look trying to figure out if she was joking with me and I hesitantly said, "Yes." and watched to see if she would laugh because she was pulling my leg.

She gave me the same look to see if I was pulling her leg, "You have got to be kidding me. There aren't really white people are there?"

She was being completely serious. I told her there were white people. I asked her what color she was out of fear that she possibly had the same condition as Ms. Dolezal. Before she had a chance to answer, I told her she was white. She laughed at me and looked at her arm, "I am not white! I am more like a pink or whatever that color is. People aren't white mom. Well, except Baby E. She is a white person with red hair. It would be really weird and creepy to see a bunch of white people walking around."

Friday I blew A2's mind, but more important than that, she blew my mind. I forget how simple and beautiful the world can be. She doesn't look at people and put them in groups or categories based on how they look. Why do we? The world isn't just black and white; it is also pink.

How Well Does A1 Know Me?

A2 was not impressed with A1's answers. A2 thought A1 was being too serious and NOT FUNNY AT ALL! A1 is more of a suck up, try hard and less of a class clown :)

1. What is something mom always says to you?  Go clean your room
2. What makes mom happy? Chocolate Malted Eggs
3. What makes mom sad? When we eat your chocolate malted eggs and really any of your candy
4. How does mom do to make you laugh? Dance and sing
5. What was mom like as a child? Just like me, not exactly like me, but better than me and a little ornery, so a good kid
6. How old is mom? 36
7. How tall is mom? 4ft 5in tall
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Have family time
9. What does mom do when you're not around? work
10. If your mom becomes famous what will it be for? being the best mom on earth
11. What is your mom really good at? Teaching
12. What is your mom not really good at? This is hard because you are good at everything; probably sleeping.
13. What does your mom do for a job? special ed teacher
14. What is your moms favorite food? chocolate malted eggs
15. What makes you proud of your mom? just to have you as a mom
16. If mom was a character who would she be? Rose from Bye Bye Birdie
17. What do you and mom do together? Go get our nails painted and get milkshakes
18. How are you and mom the same? We are both the oldest child.
19. How are you and mom different? You are older, you have brown hair, and you have gone through puberty
20. How do you know mom loves you? Because you give me kisses and say "I love you."
21. What does mom like most about Dad? That he buys you candy
22. Where is moms favorite place to go? McDonald's
23. How old was mom when you were born? 27

How Well Does A2 Know Me?

I was feeling adventurous so I asked A2 a few questions about me. She got a little silly and tried to entertain me with her answers (10 and 11). I hope they make you smile:

1. What is something mom always says to you?  Go to bed.
2. What makes mom happy? Me, because I am silly.
3. What makes mom sad? When she doesn't get a good nap.
4. How does mom do to make you laugh? Calls me Addie Poo
5. What was mom like as a child? Respectful
6. How old is mom? 54, no you're not 54. You are 14.
7. How tall is mom? 100 ft tall
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Yell at me.
9. What does mom do when you're not around? Eat chocolate and act coo-coo.
10. If your mom becomes famous what will it be for? Waving her underwear around
11. What is your mom really good at? Pooping and telling me to go to my room.
12. What is your mom not really good at? Spanking my bottom, because it doesn't hurt.
13. What does your mom do for a job? Being like a teacher, not a substitute teacher, but a normal one.
14. What is your moms favorite food? Jelly and scrambled eggs
15. What makes you proud of your mom? when she wins prom, even though she didn't win
16. If mom was a character who would she be? Elsa
17. What do you and mom do together? Girls' night out
18. How are you and mom the same? We have the same kind of body. Mom, why are you laughing?
19. How are you and mom different? You have a different hairstyles
20. How do you know mom loves you? Because I am the middle child
21. What does mom like most about Dad? That she can kiss him
22. Where is moms favorite place to go? Burger King
23. How old was mom when you were born? 100 years old

Weird Probems

Last year A2 broke our hearts when she said she was glad preschool was over, because she didn't have any friends at that school. She was ready to go to kindergarten where she would meet her real friends. At first I assumed it was just A2 being dramatic, but then I talked to my mom. She said she noticed on field trips all of the other kids would group up and A2 would be left by herself.  A2 seemed happy to do her own thing and my mom really didn't think much about it at the time.

I assumed A2 wasn't close to anyone in her preschool class because we didn't actually live in the town where she went to school. I didn't know the other mom's and we didn't hang out with them outside of school. I assumed most of the kids were friends because of location.

School started this year and A2 loved it! Everyone was her friend. Everyday she talked about new best friends. She looked forward to going, until spring break. Something changed after spring break.  She didn't want to go to school. She started telling me she didn't have friends. She would complain about kids in her class hurting her. She even had bruises one day. No worries her teacher took care of it. 

During one of our heartbreaking conversations I asked her what she does at recess. She told me that sometimes she talks to Miss Kris, the recess monitor. She says that other days she just sits on the sidewalk and watches the other kids play. I cried that night after I put her to bed. I just don't get it. Why wouldn't they want to be friends with my little girl!?! I thought maybe she was just being extra sensitive or she knew what buttons to push to get a reaction from me. Then it dawned on me that she had only been invited to 1 birthday party this year. It also occurred to me that A1 had only been invited to 2 parties. What am I doing wrong? Are my own social insecurities showing up in them?

Mac told me how tough it was to watch A2 at her class party. She was almost the last one picked for the game they were playing.  He said she just stood there begging to be picked, but was always overlooked. He can't relate, but for me it was an awful Jr. High PE flashback. Kids picking teams. Strong athletes picked first. Friends picked next. Carrie picked last. Yes, I was that kid. 

Today I overheard A1 giving A2 a pep talk about friends. Take cover the world is ending.  A1 was listing the kids in the A2's class who she knew were A2's friends. There were three. A1 kept telling her that each year she would keep the friends she already had and meet new kids and by the time she was in 3rd grade she would have tons of friends. A2 wasn't convinced.  She told her two of the girls were only friends with her because they felt sorry for her. A1 said they were her friends because they cared for her. A1 asked her why the other kids weren't friends with her and A2 once again made my heart hurt. She told A1 the kids in her class didn't like her because she was weird and sometimes most of the time she had food on her face and was fat. A1 reassured her that she wasn't weird; she was funny and creative. Then she told her she wasn't fat she was just a chubby girl. I am not sure I would have seen that as helpful, but... A1 did agree that A2 did walk around with food on her face and shirt most days and promised to help her fix that this summer.

How do I show A2 that when it comes to friends it is quality over quantity? It is much better to have a few good friends who will stick by your side, than a bunch of friends who will turn their backs when you have spaghetti on your cheek? How do I encourage her not to lose her weird? It is what makes her A2, the funny creative free spirit. How can I show her that it is the weird kids who grow up to be the super cool adults.

I mean other than letting her hang out with all our awesomely weird friends.

Rushing

I have spent my night rushing, and not the fun sorority kind. I rushed home after work. I rushed the girls home from friends' houses, so they can rush through their chores. Then I rushed the girls to get them to start and finish cards for their teachers.

Then I watched Mac rush out the door. Muni calls. 

Dinner rush. I rush to decide what we are going to eat, all the planned meals are out of my head. I am in too big of a rush to even remember my plan.  I rush to throw a turkey sandwich, cottage cheese, a pear, and broccoli on three plates. I rush to pour 3 glasses of water.  I spill 2 glasses of water. I rush a little slower to refill 2 glasses of water. I rush to find the girls. They rush down the stairs, which they have renamed "boom booms" because now would be the perfect time to invent a new language. 

A1 and A2 rush through their meal, finishing every bite. A3 doesn't appreciate the rush, so she rushes on her own terms, to the bathroom where we are practicing potty avoidance (she uses the "I have to go potty excuse to get out of anything she doesn't want to do...) A1 and A2 rush off up the boom booms to cause some type of destruction. A3 rushes to her favorite activity; temper tantruming. I rush in to help the situation, only making it worse.  I am yelling. She is crying. The other two rush back down the boom booms to see what is going on. No rush to finish the temper tantrum, so, logically, I rush to join her. 

I make A1 rush to find a brush so I can get her ready for rehearsal. I rush to brush her extra tangled hair. She rushes to explain it is because they had popsicles.  I am in too big of the rush to question that one.  I rush everyone out the door. A3 is in a rush to put a halt to my plan. She rushes into another temper tantrum. Finally she stops and I rush outside to find A1 on top of the car. I rush to lecture her and notice the nearly naked neighbor next door laughing at me.  I am in too big of a rush to care. I scream/lecture the girls as we rush down the street. 

A1 is going to be late. I rushed the girls out of the house, but we still managed to be out the door 10 minutes after  our  my planned departure. I rush around down town trying to find a parking spot. I am certainly not going to pay to park so I can just drop off a kid, no matter how much of a rush I am in. I rush around the block, ignoring flying tennis rackets and books coming from the sweet angles behind me. That is a total lie, I did not ignore them at all. I rush to pull into a spot a block away. I rush to unload the girls. We rush to get in the building. We are 2 minutes late and the time keeps rushing by... I pause my rush to greet and hug one of my favorite people in the whole wide world (shout out to ZZ!) 

I resume the rush. We rush past the elevators, because taking the stairs boom booms with the A team would be much faster. We rush up the boom booms. Top of the first flight, A1 trips because she rushed out the door wearing her old flip flops. She rushes to be dramatic and completely sprawls out across the entire floor. The rest of the A Team rushes to join her and pretend to fall down. Fantastic! I rush them along. We get to the top of the next 1/2 floor, of course the A Team would be running through a building with 1/2 floors, WHY ME?! and A2 rushes to be the next to stumble. Luckily, she rushed to catch herself and didn't fall all the way down. Most of us rush and make it to the top of the actual next floor. A3 rushes to fall. This time blood rushes to her teeny-tiny cut. Next a loud scream rushes out of A3's mouth. I rush in a swoop her up. 

A1 is now 7 minutes late. Sweat rushes to my brow. I rush to the conclusion that I might be having a hot flash. We rush down the hall. We rush to the door. We rush into the theater. We only see 4 people, that is weird. We rush in. I rush to double check my phone.

WHAT IN THE WORLD!?!

In the rush I didn't pay attention to the start time. We are 20 minutes early...  I need to slow down.

I am exhausted. I am ready to rush off to bed now.