Gateway drugs

Last week when I was cleaning the toy room I found a stash of cough drop wrappers unwisely hidden under the couch cushion.  It seems we have a drug problem on our hands so I did what any rational parent would do... 

I called the girls to the living room.  While they stood in front of me not knowing why they were currently in trouble, I slammed the pile of wrappers down on the table like they do on those detective shows.  I was feeling really tough. A1's eyes became huge, filling with guilt.  A2 quickly glanced at A1 but remained straight faced.  I started the conversation. "What are these?"
A1 was quick with "Wrappers."
I was impressed with her quick answer but I didn't want to let her know so I pressed on. "What was in the wrappers."
A1 quietly said, "Cough drops."
Now we were getting somewhere, "Who has a cough?" I waited as they just stared. "No one has a cough.  Did you know these are medicine?" Both girls shook their heads without talking.  "Did you know that when you use medicine when you don't need it you make it become a drug?" Now I really had A1's attention. Because she just finished 1st grade, she had been through 2 years of Red Ribbon Week.  I was using scarey terms that she understood, kind of.  I continued, "So now you are putting drugs in to your body.  What happens when you put drugs in your body?"
A1 began to hyperventilate.  Her color changed: normal, to white, to green back to white and then splotchy red.  Then the sobbing started. In between sobs she managed to answer, "You... will... die.. or... go... to jail.  Do you think I will die?"
A small part of me was wanting to laugh but I pulled it together.  "You are lucky that you only took cough drops and you probably won't die from those but you need to stop before you become addicted and you can't stop."
A1 nodded.  Still struggling with her breathing, she questioned me further, "Do you think the police will come and get me? I forgot that the camera is in the toy room and the people in the alarm saw me take all those cough drops and they probably called the police."
Again I had to fight the laughter, "The police have an important job to keep people safe.  If you are doing something that will get you hurt they might have to come arrest you.  Good thing you will get 1 warning for breaking their rules.  This is your 1 chance. You better not break anymore rules."
A1 had a slight look of relief cross her face.  She gave me a giant hug and promised she wouldn't break anymore rules.
A2 proved that my tactic had no affect on her.  As they walked away she asked A1 if she would get her another one because they "just taste so good, like candy." A1 started crying and told her, "No way I am not doing that stuff again.  I can't be on drugs."

Cough drops the gateway drug.

Favorite Things

We started off the day very grumpy.  In the first 30 minutes that we were all awake everyone of us, including me, had a melt down of some type.  We had tears, screaming, kicking, and even a little hair pulling.  Our original plans were going no where.  We needed a Tuesday morning redo.

I told the girls to get in the car and we were leaving the grumpy ladies at home.  I asked them what we should do to get rid of the grumpy mean people. A1 suggested we go buy new shoes.  Off to Walmart we went. The attitudes miraculously transformed once they selected their own sparkly $3 flipflops. We had smiles instead of frowns and laughing instead of tears.  The good moods lasted until bedtime.

Today I learned that money can buy happiness and it only costs $6 at Walmart! This got me thinking... A1 finds happiness in shoes.  What "things" do I find happiness in?

1. New socks: Some women love pedicures, not me! That is torture to my super ticklish feet.  I prefer new white Hanes athletic socks.  They are comforting little foot hugs.  I am happiest when I have new socks on!

2. New books: My absolute favorite smell in the whole wide world is a new book.  A quick sniff of a new book will send me to my happy place. 

3. Pajama pants: I own more pajama pants than regular pants.  I have flannel pajama pants, cotton pajama pants, and pajama jeans.  I have pajama pants that I have accidentally worn to work and pajama pants I worn to work on purpose.  I love my pajama pants!

4. Jewel cds: It is a good day when I can buy a new Jewel album, unless you have to ride in the car with me!  Once I learn all the words, I will perform car concerts and I really don't care who has to sit through it.  My advice join in, it will hurt a little less.

5. Craft items: I could get lost in a Michael's or a JoAnn's for hours.  I love searching for the perfect item to complete whatever crazy project I have going. 

If I was Oprah, this would have been my "favorite things" episode and you would have been disappointed. These really are the things I buy to make me happy.  A perfectly happy day for me would be listening to Jewel, while reading a new book surrounded by my craft mess wearing pajama pants and getting little foot hugs from new socks. I am a sad happy person.    

Jr High Student or a Dog

Mac and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.  During the last couple of months when we would tell people that, we would get a variation of the same questions:

"How can you be married to the same person for that long?"

and/or

"How old were you when you got married, 10?"

Really, 12 years isn't that long.  It is all about perspective. If we were talking about a person, we would be talking about someone in 6th grade and that, really, isn't very old.  However, if you were talking about a dog, 12 years would be pretty darn old. I would rather think that our relationship is more like a jr high student... Well, I think...

How does our relationship work? We love, laugh, talk, agree, disagree, respect each other, argue, learn, apologize, forgive, accept, and reflect.  We do the best when we set goals and work towards them together.  This especially works when the goal is make Carrie happy... 

Sometimes We do have conflict but this usually happens when we set opposite goals, like

Mac: Clean house

Carrie: New Pinterest project or playing with the girls or watching reality tv or anything other than cleaning the house.

Every year we improve.  We are better at loving.  We are better at laughing.  We are better at arguing forgiving.  Every year we continue to learn from each other.  We continue to grow independently and together. We respect each other.  We accept each other, and ourselves, for who we are. 

Next year we will be celebrating lucky #13.  Our goal; not to walk under any ladders, cross the path of a black cat, or break any mirrors.  We've got this.

Obviously, we really were 10 when we got married.  Our engagement picture, which was taken back in the stone ages before all engagement pictures look like magazine layouts, is proof that our parents had to sign permission slips for us to miss school in order for us to make it to our big day.

Vacation

My sweet filterless neighbor asked me once again about my summer.  She asked her list of standard questions. Then she moved on to a new one.
 
"Are you going on vacation?" I told her we weren't and she seemed shocked.

She asked me again. "You aren't going on vacation?"

I patiently told her again that we wouldn't be going anywhere.

"No vacation? Your girls would love a vacation.  You haven't been in two years."

I laughed and agreed with her but I reassured her my girls are enjoying their low key summer and I promised her we would go next summer.

She brought it up one more time and I finally said words that rocked her world.  "Vacations are too much work and exhausting.  I am too worn out for that!"

She looked at me like I was the crazy one. Then she quickly shuffled away. 

Does she not understand what takes to plan and pack for an entire family? All the brainwork that is involved?  I am tired just thinking about it.

After she left I had a few moments in my head.  Was I letting my anxiety and OCD interfer with my girls having a good time?

Then I rationalized, last year A3 was only 3 months old so a vacation would not be ideal.  A 20 minute trip was pure screaming torture.  We would have hated each other before we even left Illinois. 

This year I wasn't able to dedicate the time I needed for vacation research.  I was teaching a new grade level so all my free time was spend trying to figure them out.  I didn't have the months of time I required to read books, search the internet, and perform personal interviews. Vacation is work and I couldn't let it get in the way of my real job. I need to do the research and plan my trip in order for me to still feel in control when the anxiety of leaving my familiar territory begins to consume me. 

Next year we will be going on vacation.  We will have fun.  AND I have already started my 12 months of research.  12 months of research is normal right?

We visited with the travel agent last night.  Going to a travel agent was hard for me at first.  Before meeting with her for our last trip, I saw her as a threat to my need to plan and control.  She was the mistress in my relationship with guide books and schedules. My view of Sue changed once I met her.  She quickly became my planning ally.  She was another tool in my planning belt.  She was someone who would hang out at home base and we could call if things were going awry.  She was always an email away and didn't seem annoyed when I would email her with silly questions.  She became my planning BFF.

Last night we found out we were so ahead of the game prices for next summer haven't even been released yet so we weren't able to book a trip.  It is ok though they are releasing them sometime today so I was able to come home and research restaurants we could eat at on our vacation. The only thing that accomplished was to make me hungry and my sub-par, normal food wasn't cutting it!

Now I will patiently wait until September when the travel guide books come out for 2014.   I can't wait until we put a deposit on this trip so I know that all my pre-planning planning isn't a waste. 

Maybe my neighbor was right in looking at me like I was out of my mind but this is what works for me.  AND no one complained on our last trip when we were able to do everything we wanted without having to wait in long Disney lines.  All my research and OCD planning worked out in everyone's favor. 

Amaze-what?

Rehearsals have started for Mac so A1 has taken upon herself to be my helper.  I had already told her that since she took a 4.5 hour nap today she could stay up later than normal.  She told me she would help A2 go to bed because she has developed a strange fear of EVERTHING and screams when she has to go upstairs alone.  A1 took A2 upstairs and told her to pick a book.  Before A1 came downstairs I heard a slightly above average amount of yelling and crying but it wasn't enough to make me run upstairs.

A1 entered the living room like a champion.  Her fists were in the air in a victory celebration.  She managed to get A2 to fall asleep in a record 10 minutes.  As I praised her, a sheepish grin spread across her face.  She said, "Yea, I was amaze-balls.  I kinda went all Mac Jr mode and I yelled at her and I hit her a few times with a pillow.  Then I read her a book and she was snoring before I finished."

After I finished laughing I reminded her that she shouldn't hit her sister and yelling wasn't the best idea either.  But yea, she is "amaze-balls"

Where does she get this stuff? Oh I know... HER DAD! :) 

Unwanted Advice/Judgement

Last week while I was juggling a load of groceries I was bombarded with parenting advice from a neighbor who I unsuccessfully tried to dodge. I tried to be polite as she started with the standard small talk where she asks the same questions she always asks.

"How are the girls?"
"How is your summer?"
"How is your husband?"
"Do you teach?"
"Does your husband teach?"

Then she went somewhere she had never gone before...

"Why do you work? Don't you want to stay at home with your children?"

 Whao! Stop right there.  I wanted to push her, kick her, pull her hair. Obviously I spend quiet a good deal of time with my children. How dare she question my parenting choices?  I really didn't want to get in to this discussion with her.  Most of the time when this question is brought up people aren't really wanting to hear your reasons or hear an explanation.  They have already decided you are wrong and their way is the only way.  I simply said, "That is just what works for our family." I tried to walk away but then she threw out the zinger, "You do realize that having a mom at home is what is best for children."

WHAT!?! She had to go there.  I had to fight the urge to lay her out right there in the drive way.  How dare she suggest she knows what is best for my girls? I am not one to brag, very often, but my girls are pretty awesome just the way they are and I don't think they would be any more awesome if I stayed home with them.  Would they be less awesome if I stayed home? I don't know but I am sure they would be different. 

AND I like them the way they are. 

 
It isn't her place to judge how I choose to raise my girls, nor is it anyone's place.  I am not sure why people get so judgy over this issue?  It might be because as parents we are so insecure and worried about whether or not we are doing the right thing.  In a attempt to prove, to ourselves, that what we are doing/have done is right or the best for our children, we attack people with the opposing views.  So before you give advice make sure the receiver wants to hear it and that it isn't a way to feel better about yourself.

Besides... I don't see any evidence that her children are better off because she stayed home. Not that I am judging.

Problems

I am not sure if we have ant problems or kid problems, but I am sure my kid has problems.

On Sunday evening A2 discovered a colony of ants devouring a legless zebra animal cracker carelessly discarded by A3 at some point in the day.  A2 was enthralled by her discovery.  She squatted down to investigate more closely.  She studied them for several minutes.

Then she got an idea...

I quickly went to the kitchen upon hearing banging only to find A2 smashing ants with a rubber hammer.  She looked up at me and smiled as she said, "This is the best day ever since I get to kill stuff." I was instantly disturbed when I realized how much she was enjoying the mass murder.  I was raising a psychopath!  What do I do now?  I was at a loss, so I sat back and observed...

The large scale annihilation lasted a few more rounds before she seemed bored.  She then got a new cracker and placed it on the floor and watched as the survivors ran to the new food trap.  She waited until the cracker was covered with her next victims and she deviously cackled.  Then in a creepy high pitched voice she said, "Hello ants.  Mommy's home." and the ant battering continued.

A large small part of me wanted to stop her because that would be the right thing to do.  Another part of me was curious as to what she would do next. And still another part of me was glad she was taking care of the ants so I wouldn't have to.

I planned on calling some of my therapist friends to make an appointment so they can fix whatever I had done wrong to make her enjoy death so much however this morning she made me change my mind.  I asked A2 if she would want to vacuum the newest trail of ants searching for food.  She looked at me as if I was crazy and said, "No, that would kill them."

Phew... maybe she is normal after all.

OR is this a sign of multiple personalities?