Last week while I was juggling a load of groceries I was bombarded with parenting advice from a neighbor who I unsuccessfully tried to dodge. I tried to be polite as she started with the standard small talk where she asks the same questions she always asks.
"How are the girls?"
"How is your summer?"
"How is your husband?"
"Do you teach?"
"Does your husband teach?"
Then she went somewhere she had never gone before...
"Why do you work? Don't you want to stay at home with your children?"
Whao! Stop right there. I wanted to push her, kick her, pull her hair. Obviously I spend quiet a good deal of time with my children. How dare she question my parenting choices? I really didn't want to get in to this discussion with her. Most of the time when this question is brought up people aren't really wanting to hear your reasons or hear an explanation. They have already decided you are wrong and their way is the only way. I simply said, "That is just what works for our family." I tried to walk away but then she threw out the zinger, "You do realize that having a mom at home is what is best for children."
WHAT!?! She had to go there. I had to fight the urge to lay her out right there in the drive way. How dare she suggest she knows what is best for my girls? I am not one to brag, very often, but my girls are pretty awesome just the way they are and I don't think they would be any more awesome if I stayed home with them. Would they be less awesome if I stayed home? I don't know but I am sure they would be different.
AND I like them the way they are.
It isn't her place to judge how I choose to raise my girls, nor is it anyone's place. I am not sure why people get so judgy over this issue? It might be because as parents we are so insecure and worried about whether or not we are doing the right thing. In a attempt to prove, to ourselves, that what we are doing/have done is right or the best for our children, we attack people with the opposing views. So before you give advice make sure the receiver wants to hear it and that it isn't a way to feel better about yourself.
Besides... I don't see any evidence that her children are better off because she stayed home. Not that I am judging.
How dare she!! I would not have been a good stay-at-home mom, and there is nothing wrong with that. That's what my mom did. Again, how dare she judge you and offer her advice. She obviously has major problems with herself and her decisions and is trying to use you to make herself feel better. In my opinion......
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