Mood Swings

Tonight I was saying goodnight to two almost normal girls. We were talking about good things that happened during the day. Poor A2 couldn't think of anything since she didn't get to see me. I can't decide if I should give her brownie points or deduct points for trying to guilt trip me...

Before I got up to leave, I mentioned that tomorrow would be A1's last day as a second grader. She went from a happy-go-lucky 8 year to a sobbing hystarical ball of mutated goo in a matter of seconds. She ugly cried for about 30 seconds while in unsympathetically shook with laughter. My laughter made her transition into a mini-she devil. She grunted and screeched and screamed. I swear I saw steam come out of her ears. 

A2 decided to guide me back to maturity and tried to calm A1 down. She started asking her questions about school and why she was crying.  After many attempts A1 finally told us that she was sad because she was going to miss her teacher. She said she was the best thing that ever happened to her. A1 tried to throw a dig at me and added, "She is my substitute mom. Actually, I wish she was my real mom. She is much nicer than my REAL mom!" I laughed and reminded her that she is paid to be nice to her and she also gets breaks from her because it is the law. 

She puckered up her face and got ready to assault me with her words, but A2 beat her to it and added, "Yeah, I bet you let her go to the bathroom by herself. That is probably why she is nice. Maybe we need to let mommy go to the bathroom by herself." 

Mentioning "going to the bathroom" did the trick. Both girls were sent into a fit of giggles and I couldn't help but join in. 

I know these mood swings are just a preview of the years to come, but I think we all will survive if we keep our sense of humor close. Also, if I could get some alone time in the bathroom that would help!

A1's Transition from Normal to Mini She-Devil

 



 

No Gifts Requested

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of over hearing two super know-it-all moms talk in the extremely long check out line at my favorite super store. Hopefully no one chokes on my sarcasm! Their conversation caught my attention. They were bit complaining about a birthday party both of their daughters happened to be attending next weekend.  They were complaining because of wording on the invitation that read something along the lines of, "We request no gifts, if you are moved to bring a gift please honor my daughter in donating to a charity..."

This topic was a particular interest to me since a few weeks ago my girls had a party where we requested no gifts.  I silently listened as the women went on and on and on about how horrible this idea was.  I wanted to join in their conversation.  My opinions became a volcano ready to erupt all over them.  I bit my tongue, knowing my thoughts wouldn't be welcomed.  Instead of directly handling the situation, I mentally vowed to set them straight in my blog... You are welcome.

Dear Overly Opinionated Moms,

We recently had a birthday party for my daughters.  We requested no gifts.  We are not pretentious.  We are not trying to prove that we are better than anyone.  We are not trying to force our girls to become "Bleeding Hearted Liberals." We are not depriving our girls of anything. We don't hate happiness.

While I don't know the reasons this particular parent requested no gifts, I am happy to share mine:

1. A1 attended a party earlier this school year where the boy asked to donate to an animal shelter.  She is a kind hearted girl and loved this idea. SHE ASKED to give donations instead of have gifts.

2. It was a party for both A1 and A2.  I thought a donation would be easier on people than trying to decide if they should get a gift for one girl or both, especially for the people who only knew one girl.

3. The girls both have birthdays in March and this party was two months later.  Way past their birthdays.

4. A1 wanted to do this and she talked to A2 who agreed.

5. We have friends from varying economic backgrounds, so no presents means no pressure for anyone.

6.  We want the girls to know that it is ok to have fun with friends and not expect a gift in return. 

7. The girls already have enough stuff, so why not share with others.

8. A1 wanted this.

In case you were wondering, the party was wonderful.  There was a great deal of happiness.  No one seemed upset that the girls didn't stop dancing to open up gifts.  We did receive a few presents and that is OK! It wasn't a big deal.  We left it up to the parents. If they wanted to donate, they could.  If they wanted to bring a gift, they could.  A1 and A2 didn't miss getting tons of presents from their friends.  They had a great time at their party.

Will we request a donation to a charity next year? I can't answer that.  It will be left up to the girls. 

As far as turning the girls into "bleeding hearted liberals," well, let me introduce you to their dad...

Sincerely,

A Passive Aggressive Mom

P.S. In case you were curious about where the donations went... The girls said they wanted to collect donations for something involving children.  A1 and I researched several.  We picked the top three. After much discussion, the girls agreed Tri-Angels Playground was the way to go.

Happiness and embarrassment, but mostly happiness.
 

Sweet A2

A2 is often the source of my frustration, my biggest challenge, my free spirit.  She is also my entertainer.  She knows how to make me laugh.  She is a peace keeper, unless you are A1, then she is a button pusher. She is also kind hearted and giving.

Last night the girls had their dance recital.  I volunteered to corral the eight 4-5 year olds from A2's class.   The hour I spent in a loud echo chamber with 100's not really that many girls was enough to send my anxiety through the roof leaving me reaching for a bag of malted eggs, yes I still have a bag.

The tiny dancers I was in charge of were actually pretty good.  Honestly, they were better than pretty good.  I may even go as far as saying we had the best group in the room.  The girls all sat in the small area we told them to sit in and they colored almost the entire time. 

Even with how good they were, the girls did have a few moments of being typical 4/5 year olds. I saw one girl commander a box of crayons and hide it from the rest of the group.  I saw another girl nudge a classmate in the face with her shoulder when they lined up.  I also witnessed a girl have a complete meltdown and temper tantrum when a younger student from another class innocently snatched a sucker from her bag.

I was about to lose my cool when I observed A2 do something that totally melted my icy heart. The same blonde sucker stealer approached our group searching for more candy.  The ballerinas banded together and refused to give the girl a tootsie roll.  They were clearly punishing her for her prior transgressions.  The 3 year old didn't understand what was going on, so she started to cry.  Her eyes filled with tears and her lip pouted. A2 saw this as she unwrapped her tootsie roll, the one candy I said she could have since we weren't really supposed to have any candy in the first place. Before A2 could pop the candy in her mouth she came over to me and asked, "Do you think I should give her this candy? I mean I have a huge bag and I really don't need all of it for me." I tried to remain cool, even though I was jumping for joy in my head, as I told her it was up to her because it was her candy. A2 looked from her candy to the little girl then back to the candy.  She handed her candy to the little girl. The girl was so happy. She thanked A2 and then skipped off to her mom who freaked out because she didn't know the kid who gave her the candy. 

A2 was very brave and went up to the mom and told her she was the one who gave her the candy. She also told her it was safe candy because her teacher gave it to all the girls in her class. The mom looked down at A2 and said, "Oh ok. Well, whatever then." I am seriously hoping she was just in shock that my little 5 year old was so kind and mature.

I have been bragging about my A2 all day.  I just can't get over how sweet and caring she can be. I will try to keep this in mind the next time she refuses to eat dinner, or put on the clothes I want her to wear. She really is a kind hearted and wonderful person!

Weighty Issues

Dear Friends, Family, and Acquaintances,

I'm well aware that I have put on some, er... quite a bit of weight this year. I don't need constant reminders. Here are a few things you no longer need to do, since I get it. 

1. Ask about my thyroid. No, I don't have a thyroid condition. I simply gained weight. We'll not simply, I'm sure the 100 or so bags of Brach's Malted Eggs may have played a roll.

2. Hold up my school ID and compare my current state to the beginning of the year picture while saying something along the lines of, "Wow, you have really changed.  I almost didn't recognize you."

3. Pat my belly and jokingly ask when the baby is due. That is just cruel on so many levels, so A1, I hope you are reading this. 

4. Monitor my food intake. I am an adult and I don't need you there to keep me accountable, unless I have asked you to help keep me accountable by reminding me to drink more water and less soda... Science Teacher you know who you are! 

5. Give me smaller portions. Don't look me up and down then cut my piece of cake noticeably smaller than the rest. This only made me ask for seconds to irritate you. 

6.  Tell me about diets. If I ask you about a diet, tell me about your diet. If I don't ask you about your diet, don't tell me about your diet. I know what I need to do, give up the soda and malted eggs, I'm just not there yet. 

7. Shame me into exercising. You aren't with me every minute of the day. You don't know what I do. You don't know how tired I get after working all day while being a mom full time. You don't know. Stop telling me to find an hour of "me time" to workout. Stop telling me it will make my life less stressful. Right now, today, it won't. 

8. Ask me if I'm happy. You don't need to ask me if food makes me happy. It does. Food makes me happy! Food makes me joyful, but so do the A Team, Mac, family, friends, laughter, singing, dancing, watching TV, reading books and a number of other things. I don't eat food to be happy, but I'm happy eating food. 

9. Poke my stomach and make strange mouth noises. Lady at Walmart I'm talking to you, no just kidding, but A2 this really isn't cool. 

10.  Ask me when I'm going to start running again. This is a tricky one since some people genuinely want to know if I'm running again, not because of my weight, but because they knew it was a habit I had a love hate relationship with in my past. Maybe just avoid saying things like, "you should start running again, it would be good for you." No really, I'm not sure that is good for me since my knees swell up and I can't walk the rest of the day. I'm better with walking at a fast pace. 

Thank you all for your concern. I'm aware I'm bigger now than I was at the beginning of the school year. I am, after all, the one still trying to squeeze into clothes that are a tad too snug. I know I have gained weight. 

Love,

Me (all of me)  

Family Potluck Hierarchy

You can tell a lot about the way a family thinks about one of it's own members by what food he/she is assigned to bring to potluck meals. 

The supplier of the main course is the most highly regarded member of the family. He or she is seen as the planner with superior organizing skills. This person is also an excellent cook. On occasion, this person only supplies the main course because they are providing the location of the get together. 

The next most coveted position in the potluck food hierarchy is the family member who delivers the dessert. This person is important since dessert is the last part of the meal to be consumed.  The dessert preparer is seen as being the most excellent baker. Often the dessert supplier is the creative member of the family. Also, he or she is generally a sweet and kind person.  Who would want dessert from someone with a sour personality?

The side dish provider is the middle child of potluck foods. He or she is seen as someone who is the peace maker.  Someone who can get along with anyone. The side dish provider doesn't have to be  good cook, be creative, or fancy.  They are just expected to show up and compliment the main course. 

There are two subcategories of side dishes; veggie tray and chips and dip. These are given to the lowest members of the family.  They are given to the people who can't cook, can't remember, and can't function. The most unreliable members of the family are given one of these sub par foods just in case he or she doesn't follow through and actually bring the assigned items.

The only potluck assignment more lowly than veggie tray or chips and dip is the ice bringer.   This person is the last one thought of when planning a meal.  It is more of an "oops, we forgot to assign something to so and so, how about we make her ice girl." This "food" appointment is given to someone who has NO business in the kitchen. This person has very little creativity and no value in family meal planning.  Basically this is the loser of the family.

In the beginning of my adult potluck food prep, I was a dessert. I was asked to bring something to end the meal.  Most of the time I was asked to bring cookies, if you ask me, I am a pretty darn good baker... From time to time I would try a new recipe for a different cake or fancy brownie.  My family seemed to enjoy my desserts.  One meal someone else in the family also brought a dessert. She received many praises for her cupcakes. I am not going to mention who the dessert stealer is but...

After that meal, I was asked to bring a salad or something.  I was knocked down to a side dish.  I decided I would make the best of it.  I turned to my friends Rachel Ray and Paula Dean. They helped me find awesome side dishes to bring. 

This lasted for several potluck meals. Then one Christmas I was asked to bring the veggie tray.  It stung to be knocked down that low, but I went along with the plan, as a good little side dish provider would.  It really was easiest bringing the veggie tray. 

I was getting comfortable with my standing as veggie tray bringer, when I called to find out what I should bring to the upcoming party. It is never a good sign when you have to call to find out what you need to bring. The voice on the other end of the phone asked me to pick up chips and dip, maybe. I decided to call on the day of the event to find out what kind they had in mind.  I was told not to worry about is because the chips had already been purchased. There was a little kick to the gut. The demotion was finalized as I was asked to pick up ice.  I was "Ice Girl." Of course I agreed to pick up the ice. I wasn't going to show up at a family meal empty handed.

The only thing more insulting than my demotion was showing at the party with my bags of ice and being told that they really didn't need my ice since someone else was bringing it. I was worse than "Ice Girl." I was "Rejected Ice Girl." I have fallen from grace. I am the lowest of the low.  Until I am able to rise again I will continue to bring the solid H2O.

Frustration Turns to Anger

Confession time: Tonight I was extra frustrated with the girls.  The fighting and arguing started as soon as A1 got in the car; A2 looked at her a little too long. The bickering continued the rest of the night. A1 was breathing too close to A2. A2 walked to close to A1. A2 couldn't understand what A3 wanted.  A2 wasn't fast enough at getting A3 her shoe. A1 was starving  A1 didn't like dinner.  A3 didn't want to eat. A3 wanted her "paci." A3 cried screamed throughout dinner. A2 was sad. A2 missed me during the day. A2 needed more alone time with me.  A2 had a mini-meltdown.

By the time I was putting them in bed, I was less than friendly. I practically growled, "Good night, I love you." I was fed up! My headache was back. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and get lost in some fictitious world on TV. Before I made it to the couch, I stopped at the recliner and grabbed my phone.  I was so angry. Angry with the girls, angry with Mac for being at a meeting, angry with myself for losing my cool. 

I know that being angry won't help anything, in fact it will only make things worse.  I tried to let it go, Oh THAT song, hearing it so much is also making me angry. I said a quick prayer.  I asked God to help me get over the anger so I can be a better person and mom.  I waited.  I didn't feel better.  I was still angry.  THOSE GIRLS WERE ROTTEN. I was fuming again.

I decided I would peruse Facebook, hoping someone would entertain me enough to forget my problems.  I was a few status updates in when the tears started flowing, my Thursday night cry was in full force. God was talking to me.  My prayer was answered on Facebook. His messages came through a status update from a former high school classmate whose three daughters were taken from her much too early.  The pictures of her girls instantly washed my anger away.  I wanted to hug and hold my girls, just as she probably does.  I am sure she longs for another day to be frustrated with her girls. I imagine she would give anything to hear them argue, whine, complain, and fight.

God spoke to me through her update. He is there listening to me. He is there with me while the girls are creating their beautiful chaos. 

With this realization, I instantly became calm.  My head hurt a little less.  It is ok to become frustrated with the girls because being a mom is stressful! It isn't ok to be angry and really it just a waste of time and I certainly don't have any of that to waste! God is good and he has the answers. I am going to go to bed tonight with a renewed sense of peace. Tomorrow will be a "Girls' Night In," movies and cuddling are on the agenda.

    Psalms 37:8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!  Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.