Talentlessness

Talent: noun | tal-ent | \ta-lent\ | a special ability that allows someone to do something well; a special often athletic, creative, or artistic aptitude; general intelligence or mental power

Merriam Webster proves what I have been saying for years; I don't have any special talents.  I don't have a special ability that allows me to so something exceptionally well. The thought of me having an athletic aptitude is laughable. Definitely not artistic. Creative: maybe, but I don't think my creativity and pinterest mess gives me a stand out talent. 

My talentlessness (Is making up words a talent?) wouldn't be so stingy if I wasn't friends with some of the most talented people to ever walk the earth. I have friends who can sing, like really sing. Singing that makes you stop what you are doing, because you just have to listen. My dancing friends are amazing and better than the girls on Dance Moms. I have creative friends who paint, draw, and photograph. They make the stuff that will someday show up in museums. My writer friends publish articles in magazines, sell novels, and write for sitcoms. My baking friends rival Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker. Surprisingly, I even have athletically talented friends. People who got scholarships to play in college. 

Anytime I whine to my super talented friends about my lack of talents, they reassure me that I do have talents. I always ask what my talents are and then the crickets show up... No one can ever identify my talents.

This week we were reading The Berensain Bears and The Talent Show, that is a lie, we watched the episode on Sprout. Brother Bear had the same problem as me; no talent. His teacher pointed out that everyone has talent, but it isn't always something that can be displayed on stage or in a frame. Brother discovered his talent was recruiting people to participate in the talent show. WOW! Brother has a talent. I still don't. We are having a Talent Show fundraiser and judging from the number of super talented students we have at the high school and the lack of people participating; recruiting talented participants isn't my talent. 

Brother's teacher is right though, everyone has talents... What are mine? I should make a list...

1. Making lists; This is a talent right? I love making lists. I am good at it! In fact I excel at making lists. I am a talented list maker! You should see the trail of lists I leave where ever I go: Shopping lists, Daily To-Do Lists, Lists of things that annoy me, Lists of things that make me happy. Lists are the best!
2. Helping people make bad decisions: I do have an aptitude for being a bad influence. 
1. You are on a diet? You look sad. Let's go to McDonald's, my treat.
2. You are in debt?  You look sad. Let's go shopping, there is a sale.
3. You have given up sweets? You look sad. Here I baked you a dozen cupcakes.
3. Having children: Now I am really stretching to find talents.  I am not sure that having children is really a talent, but I had extremely easy pregnancies and deliveries. I guess more than anything, I just have a talented uterus. 
4. Making people laugh: one of my truly talented friends once told me my talent is making people laugh. This one confuses me, because most of the time people are laughing at my pathetic life. My mistakes, my mishaps, and my stumbles are hilarious, not me. I think what my sweet friend was really saying was that I am talented at being pathetic.
5. Procrastinating: Is this a skill or a talent? Either way, I am really good at it.  This is a talent I have been working on since I was in kindergarten. Have homework? I better fold laundry first. Have to fold laundry? Better watch one more episode of Dance Moms. Have to pay bills? Better write a blog post first. I have mastered procrastination, I guess I am a talented procrastinator.
6. Worrying: If worrying is a talent, then I would be the Rebrandt of worry. At any given moment I am worrying about something.  Something real, something made up, something plausable, something improbable; it doesn't matter, I am worrying about it. I often lose sleep because I am worrying about something that won't ever happy. Some days I can't eat because I am worried. I try to tell myself not to worry, because, as Jewel pointed out, "worry is wasteful and useless in times like these." I want to be like Jewel. I want to stop the worry, but it is always there.  It is my talent.

I guess, if you can call them talents, I do have some. Now I wonder if Bother's teacher would consider any of my special abilities talents... Probably, if his talent is making people feel good about themselves.  

Bad Advice

Today I gave my first truly awful and horrible advice as a parent.  I am positive this won't be the last bad advice, but since it is the first it will be quiet memorable...

All school year we have heard complaints about one student in her class, "Suzy Q." Every day, seriously, every single day, we hear about all the mean things Suzy Q has said and done to A1. Suzy Q pushed me today. Suzy Q said I have ugly hair. Suzy Q said I don't have friends. Suzy Q scratched my face. Suzy Q said I am gay because my aunt is gay. Suzy Q told all the girls not to play with me at recess.  Suzy Q, Suzy Q, Suzy Q!

We have talked to A1 and tried to help her through this. She talks to the counselor at school at least once a week to help her deal with Suzy Q. She tries to stay away from her, but Suzy Q seems to be drawn to tormenting A1. A1 can't get a break from Suzy Q.

This afternoon while I was making a quick Dance Night Dinner, the one I rush to prepare and feed the girls in the 20 minutes we are all home before we have to leave the house, A2 decided it was the perfect opportunity to throw a completely nude temper tantrum in the middle of the kitchen, because her dance tights didn't feel "just right." I was already weak since it is Thursday and my emotions were shot. I had had it. I was at my boiling point. Sweat was started to collect on forehead. All the set up is to help make me look less horrible...

A1 felt this was the right time to open up about the daily Suzy Q drama. BAD TIMING!  "Mom today Suzy Q's dad was at school. She introduced him to me, I was the only one she introduced him to. She said, 'Dad this is A1, she is the class trouble maker.' Can you believe she said that?"

Now keep in mind, A1 hardly ever gets in trouble at school.  She is always on green and gets all of her Class Dojo Points. This was about the worst insult anyone could say to her... that is until I opened my big mouth.

I looked at her and said, "You should have said, 'Hey Mr, Q, your daughter is Suzy the class B!?@*." A1's eyes got bigger than I have ever seen. Her mouth dropped open. All I could do was sputter. Did I really just say that? Did I call a 3rd grade kid a B? Did I really just encourage my 3rd grade child to say that to an adult? AHHHH! 

I quickly backpedaled. I apologized. I told her it was bad to say that. I told her I was wrong to say such things. I offered to put vinegar in my mouth. I wanted to cry.

A1 just laughed and laughed. She said, "Since you are an adult it is ok to say those words sometimes. Now when I look at Suzy Q I am going to laugh. She is just not nice and she is what you said, but I am not an adult so I won't say it when people can hear it."

I am just going to ignore that last part and praise her and be thankful this little slip happened with A1 and not A2. Please tell me I am not alone and SOMEONE else has done something so horrible... Somebody? Anybody?

Scary and Uncertain Times

This morning I cried on the way to work.

I made the mistake of checking the news while I waited in line for my daily morning indulgence at the golden arches. I read 18 teachers from A1 and A2's school were cut. 17 first year teachers and 1 second year teacher would not be employed at their district for the next year. That is huge.  A1's current teacher is one of them.  That is hard.

In the beginning the tears flowed for the teachers themselves. This is such a horrible, scary, and uncertain time to be a teacher. Jobs are few and far between. Teachers are doing more for less. This is not a payment debate; anyone with any sense knows better to tell me teachers shouldn't be paid more. I am just meaning class sizes are increasing, duties are increasing, but payment is not. These 18 teachers know it will be hard and darn near impossible to find another job in the area. Heck, I know of a couple exceptional teacher-to-be's that can't find jobs, because of someone's unjustified slanderous bias. 18 teachers have just had their worlds rocked. 18 teachers have to go to school everyday until the end of the year and put on a happy face for their students, even though they are quietly going through those steps of grief when they are alone. 18 teachers are crying when none of the little eyes are watching.

Then I cried for my girls. How sad they have to grow up in a state that really doesn't value them and their education. Funding has been cut, expenses have increased. The people in charge can't see past the $. Class sizes will increase; learning will decrease. Work loads will increase; student performance will decrease. Individuals will get lost. Students like A2 will probably fall through the cracks; we, the parents, will pick up the pieces. Thank goodness, one of her parents has an education degree and kind of knows what to do, but what about the parents who can't pick up the pieces? My girls have to be educated in a system that is broken, this breaks my heart.

Finally, I cried for me.  I am a part of this broken system. I could be one of those 18 teachers. I can relate to the uncertainty. Not knowing what the next year would have in store. Luckily in my situations I have always had jobs, but just never sure of my location.

I arrived at school feeling hopeless.  How do we fix this mess? What can we do to make it better? Can it be made better or should we abandon ship? Should we move to a state that actually values education? Should we pull our kids out of school and home school them?  What are the right answers?

Who do we blame for this mess? This isn't a new problem for us. When did things start to go down hill? Do we blame presidents? Do we blame governors? Do we blame school boards, superintendents, principals, and/or teachers? Do we blame each other, you, or me? Common core, PARCC, Pearson? Who is at fault for this problem?

I guess it doesn't really matter who we blame. The only ones truly being punished are our children.

Pray and pray hard.

Child Stars

I am sure almost every mom at one time or another has the thought, "my kid is going to be famous," cross her mind. I personally know a mom who told me her daughter was destined for stardom because of how beautiful she was. Another mom knew her daughter would be the next "Annie" on Broadway because she was an amazing dancer and singer and she let me listen...

This drives me crazy. You don't know that your child is going to be famous. You don't know that your adorable three year old will still be beautiful at 13, let's face it, not many of us were. You don't know that your off key twirling toddler will still want to sing and dance when she is old enough to be Annie. Do you honestly think that out of all the parents kids out there trying to become famous, yours will be the one who makes it?

Your child is going to be famous? You don't know that.

This drives me crazy.

After much reflection and deep thinking, I have come to the conclusion that A2 will be famous. I am not basing this on the fact that she possesses amazing talents. Even with several years of dancing, she is a lot like that infamous bull in a China shop. She means well but she just doesn't have a grasp on her body in space. She gets that from me. Her singing? Well it sounds a lot like other 6 year olds; loud and constant.

My premonition is based on these 5 things that everyone knows about famous people;

1. Clothes: Move over Lady Gaga, A2 is the best, worst dresser I have ever met. A2 has been putting together her own outfits since she was two. Stripes with polka-dots? Done it. Tutus with flannel pajama shirts? Done it. A3's leg warmer, just one, with sandals and a dress? Done it. Everyone knows if you are going to be famous you need to be wiling to take fashion risks. A2? Done it.

2.  Personality: Everyone knows in order to be famous you have to have a certain personality. Well... A2 has that personality. She is comfortable with who she is and proud of her weirdness. If you ask A2 to tell you about her, she will tell you she is weird, but the good kind.  The kind of weird that makes her funny, happy, and her.

3. Strike a Pose: Everyone knows if you are going to be famous, you need to be ready to strike a pose. You never know when or where paparazzi will pop up. Famous people need to be ready, always.

4. Baby names: Everyone knows famous people give their offspring the strangest names. A2 has come up with names that compete, and possibly beat, the likes of Apple, Coco, Pilot Inspektor, Fifi Trixibelle, and Destry. It started when A2 was 2 and I was expecting A3. A2 was insistent that we name A3 "Laser." Wisely, we gave her a creepy doll she was allowed to name Laser. Recently she added two more crazy names; Magnus and Izzarina. 

5. This: 

It is obvious A2 will be famous. I am keeping my fingers crossed that her 15 minutes of fame won't be in Police Beat.  Although, everyone knows famous people sometimes bend the laws...

Who, When, Why and Where of Vacation

March is over. Birthdays for the A team are over. Musical is over. Time to plan our summer vacation.

I have a love/hate relationship with vacation planning.  Once I start planning a vacation it becomes an all consuming adventure. All I talk about and think about.  All I do; plan, research, plan, stress. With a limited amount of money and time, I want to make sure we get every ounce of fun squeezed out of a trip.

Right now I am having trouble making decisions. Luckily, I guess, we have almost every week of the summer booked. We only have one week we can actually take a trip, so the "when" of the trip has already been settled for us. We are also pretty settled on the "who" of the trip... although anyone brave or crazy enough could join, but I am only planning for the A team and their managers.  I even know the "why" of our trip. The best family arguments happen on long car rides when you are far far away from home and exhausted... I mean vacations with road trips offer the best family bonding moments.

Since I am confident as to the who, when, and why of the trip, I guess I am just looking for the "where."  We are leaning towards Disney, but with the hefty price tag we just aren't ready to pull the trigger and book the trip. It shouldn't be too difficult to pick a place there are only a few things I am wanting:

1. Get away from home
2. Not be in the car long
3. Entertain the girls
4. Get outside
5. Avoid all things nature
6. No cooking
7. No eating out all the time
8. Smell the ocean
9. Avoid ocean creatures
10. Relax
11. Not get bored
12. Spend time with the girls
13. Spend time with Mac
14. Spend time alone
15. Learn something
16. Have mindless fun
17. Make memories
18. Not spend a lot of money
19. Buy useless fun things
20. See new things

I don't think I am asking for too much.  I really think there has to be some magical place where all of these demands  requests can be met. I just hope I can find it soon, so I can move on with my planning. Last year I couldn't, so we didn't go anywhere until November. Then we had Strep-fest. Now I think a non-summer vacation is a curse, so we have to go somewhere this summer.