The truth is, I don't think there is anything to say that hasn't been said. Usually, when I'm at a loss for words I turn to the Bible. The book of Psalms typically is where I find the most comfort. Right now Psalm 147:3 is speaking to me.
Last night my aunt lost a two year battle with cancer. She was courageous and she fought hard. She fought for her life. She fought for her husband. And she fought for her two kids.
I have been worried the most about what to say to my cousins. One is only a year older than A1 and the other is a sophomore in high school. What can I say to them? I know there is nothing that will make everything better. The only thing that would make this better is if we had a cure and last night never happened, but I can't do that.
What would I want if it was the A Tean needing comfort? What would I want people to say to them? Ugh. This is harder than I thought.
I would want my girls to get hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. And then I want everyone to laugh about it, because I really don't enjoy hugs. I would want my girls to know they have a support system still. I would want people to tell my girls how they will remember me. I would want people to listen to my girls. I would want my girls to know they have people. I would want my girls to that their feelings are normal and should be felt. I would want my girls to know they will be ok someday. I would want my girls to know they are loved.
With all that in mind and a lump in my throat...
B and G here are my words for you.
When I see you you are getting a hug. A big giant hug. The biggest hug a nonhugger could ever give. The A Team will also be hugging you, but they don't have the same hugging issues as me.
You two are going through the toughest thing you have ever gone through. Please know you aren't doing it alone. You have more people than you will ever know standing behind you, weeping for you, cheering you on, and praying for you. If you need anything, even ice cream, all you need to do is raise your hand, nod your head, speak up, or give us a signal and we will be there standing with you; standing next to you as you travel this unknown path. We've got you.
I was the same age as B when your parents got married. I have known your mom well over half of my life. The one thing that always stands out when I think of your mom, is her laugh. Her laugh was amazing and contagious. I couldn't help but laugh when I was around her. She would want you to laugh. Find things that make you happy and when you laugh think of her and her beautiful laugh.
Right now you two are dealing with so much. You are going through things that most us haven't experienced and most of those that have experienced a loss this great didn't do it at such a young age. You will have so many feelings; sadness, anger, confusion, are probably the strongest right now. But there are so many others you will feel and possibly already feel. Your feelings are yours. Own them. Share them. Don't be afraid of them. Your feelings will guide you through the day. I want to know how you are feeling. Send me a note. Send me a text. Give me a call. Even if you just say "Today I am sad. Bye." I want to know. There are tons of people who also want to know. Tell us.
Things are different now. Things won't be the same, but they won't forever be bad. You won't ever forget your mom. She will always guide you. She will be that little voice in your head telling you right from wrong. Listen to her. You will always have memories of her. You will experience holidays, birthdays, and other special days and you will remember her. You will think of funny things she said and laugh and cry. You will laugh and cry and you will remember.
B and G, I am sorry you are going through this. I love you and the A Team loves you. Your mom was amazing. It isn't fair and I'm sorry.
Really, there are no words.
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