Anxiety in the House

Phew! That was a tough one. The roughest bedtime we have had in years. The final A Team member fell asleep at 1:30AM. The anxiety was so thick at our house tonight you could have cut it with a knife! In fact, there was so much anxiety in our house I am pretty sure it just became A4.

So many questions from all of them...

Will I have friends?

Will the kids make fun of me for being fat?

What if I can't remember my teacher's name?

Will all the kids still think I am sick?

What if I can't remember how to get to all of my classes?

Will I get to sit with A2 on the bus?

What if I can't do my homework?

What if I don't make the middle school musical?

What if the kid across from me is mean?

Why can't I be homeschooled?

When will I have recess?

What if it snows?

When will I get to go swimming again?

What if the bus monitor hates me again?

When do the baby chicks come? 

What if I start to feel sick again?

What if I have lunch with ......?

What if I spill my milk at lunch?

What if the teacher doesn't understand the way my girls function?

What if the teacher has too many students in class and my kid gets overlooked?

What if no one notices A2 not feeling well?

What if A2's appendix bursts?

What if I forget to switch the laundry?

Ok, so the last questions were most likely mine but anxiety is contagious. I spent a lot of time praying with the girls. I spent a lot of time box breathing with the girls. A little technique I picked up from my class this summer. I spent a lot of time showing them how to acknowledge their feelings, identify what we have control of, and then moving on from there.

I am feeling overwhelmed and slightly stressed. I will probably enjoy my mom-somnia the rest of the night/morning. I plan on switching the laundry, emailing the school nurse, and eating an avocado. Look at me acknowledging my feelings, identifying what I have control of, and then moving on from there! 

My 3 anxiety-ridden reasons for my mom-somnia and anxiety.

Amazing A1

Photo cred. Heidi Pumphrey
Chatham Sweet Corn Festival

This girl. This girl amazes me and I don't give her enough credit. I sometimes get too stuck in the role of overbearing and possibly too critical mom that I forget to appreciate A1 for the hardworking and driven young lady she is.  This girl is one of the busiest people I know, trust me, I drive her.

She spent her whole weekend doing what she loves; dancing and performing. I never heard her complain one time (ok, that might not be true. She did complain a little Saturday night when we were going over her schedule for the next day, but she bounced back fast!). It is what drives her. 

I have seen her learn a dance minutes before a performance. I have seen her learn a dance while she was performing. (That was a little intense, but she made it through and she learned that she can do anything she puts her mind to doing.)  I have seen her learn a dance from watching a video and then go on to perform the dance. Her passion and talent amaze me. 

I wish I could take credit for her talent, but anyone who knows me knows that just isn't the case. I am the one who trips on painted lines. I wish I could take credit for her desire to be busy, but I have a need for doing NOTHING. Sitting in a quiet space and enjoying every quiet minute is what charges me. She has a natural talent and passion that drives her. She has had phenomenal teachers along the way; ones that know when to push, when to wait, when to be hard, when to be soft, when to make something a learning moment, and when to let things go. 

Last night before she went to bed we went over the schedule for today. I was a little nervous because it was one activity after another (actually it was one activity on top of another. She had her next thing start before the last one ended) she has handled it like an adult. She had her bag packed and even set an alarm to get up when she needed to get up.

Her schedule for the day:

10:30-11:35 SDT rehearsal

12-1:30 SBC Trainee

1:30-4:00 SDT performance

3:00-6:00 Incredibles choreography assistant 

6:50-10:00 Muni rehearsal

By the time the day is over, she will have eaten three meals in the car today and has changed her clothes in the car three times. (Thank goodness for tinted windows and friends who hold up blankets!) I am so proud of this girl

Oh, Avocado!

It is 1:15 AM and I can't sleep. Why? Because there is a half eaten avocado in my refrigerator. It was supposed to be my afternoon snack. It was the other half of my breakfast avocado. I skipped my afternoon snack because I was at the grocery store. Well, in the parking lot, but that is a story for another day. 

My avocado addiction has gone from cute and trendy to seriously disturbing. This addiction is worse than any of my other addictions. It is more powerful than McDonald's Coke or Dr. Pepper. It controls me more than Brach's Malted Eggs (the old recipe). It owns me more than a dystopian YA novel. I crave it more than a Chic-Fil-A frozen coffee. It consumes my thoughts more than a Hallmark Christmas Movie. This addiction is real.

I have tried to explain the euphoria I feel after I fill my belly with an avocado, but I was only met with the stares from friends and family who started to see me as a woman on the edge. I am sure they thought summer 2018 had finally done me in.

I know what I felt couldn't be wrong so I went straight to google...

"Why do avocado's make me happy?" To my surprise, it popped up as a suggested search. This justified my feelings. There are others out there who felt the extreme happiness from this strange green fruit! The search results were lame; improved heart health, weight loss, boost brain performance, lower blood pressure. Blah, blah, blah... Those reasons DO NOT make me happy. SEE MY PREVIOUS ADDICTIONS: I am not addicted to healthy lifestyles. Yet. 

I continued to search until I found the answer I was looking for...

BOOM! There is was in black and white. Avocados have an abundance of Tryptophan. That is used in the brain to make serotonin. Everyone knows that we need serotonin to feel happy. I am basically eating my happy pills in fruit form. I must be addicted to feeling happy! That feels less pathetic than being addicted to food. 

PS Isn't Tryptophan that stuff in turkey that makes all of us old people need naps on Thanksgiving? Perhaps this is why I have needed a nap every day the last two weeks when my addiction flared up...

PPS I will still continue to take my little blue happy pills that my doctor prescribed. I am in no way suggesting avocados should replace any prescription medication!

PPPS (Is that even a thing?) It is now 1:45 and I can finally sleep. I ate that avocado half while I wrote this. I now have had my dose of tryptophan and can rest easy. I even scrapped the sides of the peel. No avocado left behind! 

Falling Over Sideways

It might be 30* outside, but I'm ready to start my summer reading! Each summer I compile a list of books that is a mixture of books recommended to me throughout the year and the books on the newest Rebecca Caudill list. This year I realized my list was already 35 books and it I was only April. It made me panic a little. I hate making lists that I won't be able to complete. I had an urgent need to get some of these books in my hands. Now.

I took a quick trip to the library to see if I could get any of the books on my list. I was lucky enough to find two of the books. Both of these books are by authors I have enjoyed in the past. I decided to start with Falling Over Sideways written by Jordan Sonnanblick. Sonnanblick happens to be the author of my FAVORITE book, Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie. I figured kicking off my summer 2018 reading with one of his books was the best thing to do.

I started and finished Falling Over Sideways on the same day. (That tells you how good it was…) Something unexpected happened when I finished the book. I had a new favorite book. This book touched me from the moment I read the dedication page. It was a sweet message that told me I was going to be able to relate to this book, probably not in the way the author intended, since I am not the actual target audience, but in a parent way. I saw that he is close to someone who can be dramatic… I might know a girl who is dramatic, maybe.

This story is so sweet. One that most students, especially girls, who are in or have been in middle school, can relate to. It was a reminder to me of what A1 was going through as far as school and dance are concerned. Claire and A1 are similar in so many ways it gave me chills. I think Jordan Sonnablick could be living next door to us, he is all too familiar with A1. He has to have a front row seat to her life.  

This story was beautifully written. The flow of the language. The humor. The teenage sarcasm. The way it really made me feel. I loved it.  I laughed out loud a few times. A2 kept asking me what was so funny. She couldn’t believe a book was making me giggle. Honestly, it has been awhile since I read anything that made me LOL. I even cried a few times, especially at that last sentence. OH, THE FEELS!

Do yourself a favor, if you are going to read any of the books I recommend, PLEASE read this one. One of the reasons this is my favorite book it that was able to enjoy it as an almost 40-year-old AND I will be able to recommend it to students and A1. In fact, I strongly encouraged her to read it. Which means she probably won’t read it, but I think I talked one of her friends into reading it, which means she will probably read it.

She Carried A Watermelon

"Mom, you won't ever guess what I did at school today! I carried a watermelon."

My first thought was, "Why is A2 using my favorite movie quote?" Which also happens to be the only movie quote I can remember. My mind quickly jumped back to the issue at hand; WHO in their right mind would let A2 carry a watermelon and WHERE did she get a watermelon?

Before I could even verbalize my thoughts, A2 continued with her story. "We went to the garden during math. We all got to pick one thing. I picked a watermelon. I got to carry it back to my classroom, all the way down the hall."

Holy Shtuff! Again, who would let A2 carry a watermelon? This seems like a really bad idea...

"Everyone kept telling me not to drop it and you know what happens when people tell me not to do something? I always do it. Not on purpose, just bad things happen sometimes."

Oh boy, here it comes, the disaster.

"I was carrying it and then I thought, 'This is kind of like a basketball. I wonder if I could shoot it in the hoop.' I picked it up and put it over my head to pretend to shoot. I guess I got a little confused in my mind because I actually shot the watermelon like a ball. Can you believe that?"

Well, yes. I actually CAN believe that.

"There was a janitor behind me and he kind of grunted a little. I don't think he really wanted to clean up the guts. There were watermelon guts on the floor. It didn't explode huge, but there were still guts on the floor. I guess it wasn't really ripe to begin with, good thing, huh?"

Sorry, janitor. I have been in your shoes. She is a walking disaster who gets really awesome ideas in her head that turn out not so awesome when she implements them. Sorry you had to add gut clean up to your to-do list. Thank goodness it wasn't ripe, right??

I secretly hope she comes home and tells me she was put in time out in a corner just so I can pretend to be sympathetic and say, you guessed it, "Nobody puts baby in a corner!" The other only movie quote I can remember. 

Strange Things We Say

Every parent finds him/herself spewing out sentences her/she never thought were possible. Stop smelling the wall. Don't lick your sister. No, you shouldn't share your toothbrush. (These are totally normal, right?) 

Being a theatre mom most of June made me up my game in the strange things I have verbalized to my girls. I have said things in the last month that have raised eyebrows of the average Walmart shopper or friends who weren't prepared for the crazy that the A Team brings anywhere they go.

My favorites from our Willy Wonka experience:


1. This pizza is for our midnight dinner. Judgy cashier gave me the side eye. 

2. I'm going to let the girls sleep until 2PM. Judgy Jealous friend didn't know how to respond to the fact that the girls would/could sleep in that late.

3. Your wig cap is in the driveway. Confused friend didn't know what was going on.

4. You can just have popcorn for dinner. Judgy self... what has happened to my life?

5. Did you lose your flight shorts? Confused friend. Did you say fight shorts or flight shorts? And what the heck are flight shorts anyway?

6. Your makeup stained your hair. Inquisitive lady at Walmart. She actually leaned over to look. 

7. I don't think Oompa Loompas should wear earrings. Seemingly unfazed friend, who later agreed that Oompa Loompas shouldn't wear earrings, even though she hadn't ever thought about it before. 

8. Squirrels can't wear nail polish, can they? Confused lady at the library.

9. Bring me the bras you need for the Oompa Loompas. Amused friend sitting on my couch while I tired to get some laundry done. 

10. You have to wear mascara. Two parter: Judgy lady in the makeup aisle. Judgy self in the makeup aisle. Yes, I just told my 8 year old she has to wear makeup while I am not wearing any, not even lip gloss. 


Now that the show is over and we have basically recovered I can go back to saying the normal weird things.

A3, please get Marianne out of your mouth. (It is a Barbie she named Marianne...) 

Melancholy Monday Flood Gates Opened

Melancholy Monday ended with a record number of tears shed. While I don't necessarily understand all the reasons for the tears, I am sure the girls felt they were worthy causes for opening the emotional flood gates. The most memorable...

1. I said "Good morning."
2. Mac went to work.
3. We weren't having hot dogs for dinner.
4. Mac didn't know what the weather was going to do.
5. Mac didn't need to know what the weather was going to do.
6. I told the girls we would have time to watch a movie.
7. I suggested we read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator.
8. Amalia is moving.
9. I told the girls they didn't have to do their summer school work.
10. I said we had time to go to the park.
11. I bought socks that were intentionally mismatched.
12. A2 found her tap shoes. (I may have been the one crying over this...)
13. It was 5:30PM.
14. Andi Mack was deleted.
15. It was 8:30PM

These are totally normal, right?