I generally like to write to share my humorous misfortunes. I like to make people laugh or at least smile but lately I just haven't been feeling it. I have been in a serious funk. Not a true depression but just an overly angry, super annoyed with the world, possibly regressing to my angsty teenage days; blah. This is a strange place for me because I can almost always find the good in every person or situation but I just haven't had it in me. Maybe it is because I have reached the point where there is nothing left to do but explode. I have bottled my emotions for far too long and KaBOOM emotions are spilling out everywhere.
I need to stop doing this. I know I shouldn't hold back my emotions. I am being such a hypocrite. I tell my students if they have things that bother them they need to tell someone or in the very least write it down. They need to get rid of it.
So why am I holding it all in? Because. I don't really want to burden people with my problems. I don't want to make someone have to be my emotional dump. Making someone have to hold onto my smelly emotional garbage, is not my thing. I know everyone has things they are dealing with, most are much worse than mine and I don't want to add to any one's heap'o problems.
I am a very private person. Strange for someone who enjoys writing and putting her word out there for anyone to see but when I am writing I get to decide what I write, what words to put down, what I will let people see. If I was to open up about the things that could be bothering me I could let someone see things I really don't want to share. I might not have control of the words that come out or of the reaction I would get from them.
After a rare quiet moment of reflection I realized my suppressed baggage was starting to have an impact on my family. I have been very irritable, irrational, and somewhat irresponsible. No worries, nothing that put anyone in danger. I completely let A1 down when I told her uncle the wrong time to show up for her Veteran's Day program at school. I know that I am not thinking with a clear head because I am letting hurt feelings and worries interfere with living.
It is so weird that I am ok with not being perfect and sharing that with the world but I have problems admitting that I am human. Admitting that I have feelings and things that are weighing on my mind is so hard for me. Starting now, I am working to fix that. I am going to make some changes. I will be more open when things get to me. I will continue to work on giving my worries away to God. I was getting better with that one but recently I started slipping back into old habits of constantly worrying instead of leaving it up to the Lord. Honestly, I don't have extra time to worry so it is comforting to know that I don't have to!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
All about the Rainbow
Living with A2 is sometimes a delightful challenge. She has a special way of making the simplest task a tad bit difficult. No matter what we have planned she always has to let us know she doesn't like it. No matter what we have for dinner, even her favorite food, she has to let us know she doesn't like it.
I have gotten better at negotiating with her. I have found if we warn her well in advance she will have her little fit before the actual event. About a week before our family pictures I decided I should start preparing A2 for the clothes she would be wearing. I anticipated the big issue would be the fact that she was going to have to wear jeans. Pants aren't her thing. She doesn't like tight pants, loose pants, sweat pants, cargo pants, long pants, short pants, buttoned pants, or elastic waisted pants. Basically she HATES pants. Normally I do whatever I can to put her in a dress or skirt, but since the pictures were going to be outside in a park I thought I would try for a little warmth.
I told her she would be wearing jeans just like Aunt Caley for our pictures and of course her response was, "Ok, but what shirt will I wear?"
HUH!?! What do you mean "Ok"? I don't understand that! I prepared for a temper tantrum, not an "Ok." and then a sweetly asked "what shirt will I wear?"
I was so blown away by her reaction I simply responded, "You will wear a black or gray shirt. I haven't picked it out yet."
KABOOM! My thoughtless comment set off a reaction. Addelyn jumped all over my ill prepared response. "Black!?! I hate black." She completely melted into the floor and then began flopping like a fish out of water. "MOOOOOM, I don't want to wear black. God hates black. We shouldn't wear black. You will make God mad."
I missed that lesson from the Bible. Where in the world did she get this idea? My curiosity got the best of me. I just had to know what in the world she was talking about so I asked.
She stopped flopping and said, "God hates black. If he liked black he would have put it in the rainbow. I want to wear pink!"
Oh I had her now! I was going to be able to use her own logic against her. "A1 we can't wear pink. God doesn't like pink. He didn't put it in rainbows." In my head I was doing a little happy dance. It is sad that I was so happy about winning an argument with a 4 year old but that is where I am right now.
A1 looked at me and said, "God wanted pink to be in the rainbow. It is almost in there. You know, like red. Pink is almost red. God just forgot to put it in there all the way so he likes it." Then she left the room.
DARN it! I think she just won that round! I was frustrated and proud all at once. Maybe if the whole Rapunzel thing doesn't work out for her, she might be able to make it as a lawyer...
Oh and as for the outfit...
She wore a black and white striped shirt with a pink bow on it. We were both winners!
I have gotten better at negotiating with her. I have found if we warn her well in advance she will have her little fit before the actual event. About a week before our family pictures I decided I should start preparing A2 for the clothes she would be wearing. I anticipated the big issue would be the fact that she was going to have to wear jeans. Pants aren't her thing. She doesn't like tight pants, loose pants, sweat pants, cargo pants, long pants, short pants, buttoned pants, or elastic waisted pants. Basically she HATES pants. Normally I do whatever I can to put her in a dress or skirt, but since the pictures were going to be outside in a park I thought I would try for a little warmth.
I told her she would be wearing jeans just like Aunt Caley for our pictures and of course her response was, "Ok, but what shirt will I wear?"
HUH!?! What do you mean "Ok"? I don't understand that! I prepared for a temper tantrum, not an "Ok." and then a sweetly asked "what shirt will I wear?"
I was so blown away by her reaction I simply responded, "You will wear a black or gray shirt. I haven't picked it out yet."
KABOOM! My thoughtless comment set off a reaction. Addelyn jumped all over my ill prepared response. "Black!?! I hate black." She completely melted into the floor and then began flopping like a fish out of water. "MOOOOOM, I don't want to wear black. God hates black. We shouldn't wear black. You will make God mad."
I missed that lesson from the Bible. Where in the world did she get this idea? My curiosity got the best of me. I just had to know what in the world she was talking about so I asked.
She stopped flopping and said, "God hates black. If he liked black he would have put it in the rainbow. I want to wear pink!"
Oh I had her now! I was going to be able to use her own logic against her. "A1 we can't wear pink. God doesn't like pink. He didn't put it in rainbows." In my head I was doing a little happy dance. It is sad that I was so happy about winning an argument with a 4 year old but that is where I am right now.
A1 looked at me and said, "God wanted pink to be in the rainbow. It is almost in there. You know, like red. Pink is almost red. God just forgot to put it in there all the way so he likes it." Then she left the room.
DARN it! I think she just won that round! I was frustrated and proud all at once. Maybe if the whole Rapunzel thing doesn't work out for her, she might be able to make it as a lawyer...
Oh and as for the outfit...
She wore a black and white striped shirt with a pink bow on it. We were both winners!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
When I Grow Up
Every once in a while I like to ask the girls what they want to be when they grow up. It is fun to hear first hand their dreams and ambitions. It is also a chance for me to make sure they will have enough money to support me when I am old...
A1 was eager to respond. She said, "Well, I have been thinking about this a lot and I have decided that I want to be a music teacher. Along with just about everything else. In the summer I will be a children's entertainer. Actually only for girls. You know, I can dress up like a mermaid and then swim in their pool if they have one. If they don't have a pool I can just sit on a rock and sing." Well, if doesn't look like she will be supporting me...
A2 cheerfully said, "I know what I will be. I will be a character, like Rapunzel." Then she went back to watching TV. I kept waiting for more but it never came. I guess I still have hope in A3...
This time A1 turned the question on me. She asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told her I was thinking about being a mommy and a teacher. She said, "Those are good choices. You already are those. Whatever you do just don't be a hipster." Hmmm... I wasn't really sure how to respond to that so I went with my standard, "HUH!?!"
She laughed and said, "Just don't do it. I don't think it is healthy." I would have to agree. Wearing tight jeans probably isn't healthy, I will stick with my non-hipster pajama jeans.
A1 was eager to respond. She said, "Well, I have been thinking about this a lot and I have decided that I want to be a music teacher. Along with just about everything else. In the summer I will be a children's entertainer. Actually only for girls. You know, I can dress up like a mermaid and then swim in their pool if they have one. If they don't have a pool I can just sit on a rock and sing." Well, if doesn't look like she will be supporting me...
A2 cheerfully said, "I know what I will be. I will be a character, like Rapunzel." Then she went back to watching TV. I kept waiting for more but it never came. I guess I still have hope in A3...
This time A1 turned the question on me. She asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told her I was thinking about being a mommy and a teacher. She said, "Those are good choices. You already are those. Whatever you do just don't be a hipster." Hmmm... I wasn't really sure how to respond to that so I went with my standard, "HUH!?!"
She laughed and said, "Just don't do it. I don't think it is healthy." I would have to agree. Wearing tight jeans probably isn't healthy, I will stick with my non-hipster pajama jeans.
Friday, October 25, 2013
My MOOC
I am over half way through the MOOC I nervously signed up for about a month ago. This class has reaffirmed what I already knew about myself. I am a nerd who really enjoys learning. Which is good since I spend my day encouraging others TO learn... I have looked forward to reading about each week's topic and then working to implement it in my classroom.
The first week we learned about Connected Learning which is a educational philosophy that encourages teachers to create learning communities for their students using technology. I created a blog for my class. My students LOVE it! They really like writing something and then waiting to see who has responded to them. This week I had two students who aren't typical homework completers work on their blog at home because they wanted to make sure it looked just right before the rest of the class read it. :)
Last week we talked about Personalization, the practice of designing lessons that meet specific needs and interests of students. I started the week with the attitude, "I already do this every day for my students. I am not going to get anything out of this week." However, I was proven wrong. I was given new tools and ideas that will enhance what I am already doing in class. This week we started working on class presentations where the students will have to "teach" the class lessons we are reviewing for a test. One of my students has a lot of anxiety about talking in front of the class instead of excusing her from the assignment or completely modifying it, I taught the class to make a talking avatar which I learned about in class. She will have the avatar do the talking for her while she is in front of the class.
This week we are discussing Collaborative Learning. I love this idea of giving the students more ownership in learning. Students are expected to work together to discuss ideas and solve problems while the teacher steps back and acts as a moderator rather than a lecturer. I watched the video "Collaborative Learning Builds Deeper Understanding." I found the video to be very inspirational. I already allow my students to work together on occasion to ask each other questions as they work on homework. It was an interesting experience to start. I was a little nervous that they would just end up copying answers from each other but with a little structure and guidance the students are actually explaining how they got answers instead of just simply giving out answers.
I am excited to try some of the new ideas I learned from the video. My favorite is to try having the students work together to check homework and discuss answers to start class. It would be a good refresher to start the period.
I really liked the way the students mapped out the discussion to make sure the conversations were balanced and allowed for all students to participate. I am not sure the way that the teacher demonstrated in the video would necessarily be beneficial to my class since my class size is really small with the largest group being 5 students. I could develop another map so my students could have a visual of how the conversation went.
I really have enjoyed all this learning! My students have too! :)
The first week we learned about Connected Learning which is a educational philosophy that encourages teachers to create learning communities for their students using technology. I created a blog for my class. My students LOVE it! They really like writing something and then waiting to see who has responded to them. This week I had two students who aren't typical homework completers work on their blog at home because they wanted to make sure it looked just right before the rest of the class read it. :)
Last week we talked about Personalization, the practice of designing lessons that meet specific needs and interests of students. I started the week with the attitude, "I already do this every day for my students. I am not going to get anything out of this week." However, I was proven wrong. I was given new tools and ideas that will enhance what I am already doing in class. This week we started working on class presentations where the students will have to "teach" the class lessons we are reviewing for a test. One of my students has a lot of anxiety about talking in front of the class instead of excusing her from the assignment or completely modifying it, I taught the class to make a talking avatar which I learned about in class. She will have the avatar do the talking for her while she is in front of the class.
This week we are discussing Collaborative Learning. I love this idea of giving the students more ownership in learning. Students are expected to work together to discuss ideas and solve problems while the teacher steps back and acts as a moderator rather than a lecturer. I watched the video "Collaborative Learning Builds Deeper Understanding." I found the video to be very inspirational. I already allow my students to work together on occasion to ask each other questions as they work on homework. It was an interesting experience to start. I was a little nervous that they would just end up copying answers from each other but with a little structure and guidance the students are actually explaining how they got answers instead of just simply giving out answers.
I am excited to try some of the new ideas I learned from the video. My favorite is to try having the students work together to check homework and discuss answers to start class. It would be a good refresher to start the period.
I really liked the way the students mapped out the discussion to make sure the conversations were balanced and allowed for all students to participate. I am not sure the way that the teacher demonstrated in the video would necessarily be beneficial to my class since my class size is really small with the largest group being 5 students. I could develop another map so my students could have a visual of how the conversation went.
I really have enjoyed all this learning! My students have too! :)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Daily Drama
Only 20 minutes into one of my mind numbing shows, my peace was interrupted by screams and tears that could only mean a broken bone. I jumped out of my chair and met the screamer at the bottom of the stairs. A1. In between sobs, and with a little translation help from A2, I discovered that A1 had misplaced her lost tooth. The one she had been working on for about 2 weeks. She was over the moon excited after school as she told the great tale of losing her tooth at school. She was ecstatic at the thought of the tooth fairy visiting her and leaving a treasure. So instead of a broken bone we were dealing with a lost bone.
It seems that the tooth fell out of the special tooth pillow we found at my grandparents' house somewhere between the living room and her bedroom. Both girls think they saw it "almost" fall out of the pillow on the bed. I followed them upstairs while the wailing continued. I looked on the bed. I looked on the floor. I looked under the bed on the floor. I am slightly disgusted by the number of small white things we found on the floor that weren't teeth. We found popcorn, crackers, tissue, cotton, shells, and unidentified ickies but no tooth.
I tried to convince the girls to go to bed with the pillow and the tooth fairy would just know what happened. That didn't work! I even tried using some sure fire bathroom humor. I got a few giggles but still no convincing A1. A1 informed me that if she tried to trick the tooth fairy a zombie fairy would show up in her place and try to steal all of her teeth. Well, we couldn't have that, now could we?
A1 got out of bed and wrote the Tooth Fairy a note explaining what happened. She apologized for losing her tooth, as well as, having a messy room. She asked the Tooth Fairy to search for the tooth if she has time. The note was enough to calm A1's nerves and she agreed to go to bed. As I shut the door I heard A2 ask A1 how the Tooth Fairy got in the room. A1 yawned and said, "She just does."
Thank goodness that crisis is over and only lasted 45 minutes. Now I just hope the tooth fairy remembers to show up and maybe she can vacuum while she is here.
It seems that the tooth fell out of the special tooth pillow we found at my grandparents' house somewhere between the living room and her bedroom. Both girls think they saw it "almost" fall out of the pillow on the bed. I followed them upstairs while the wailing continued. I looked on the bed. I looked on the floor. I looked under the bed on the floor. I am slightly disgusted by the number of small white things we found on the floor that weren't teeth. We found popcorn, crackers, tissue, cotton, shells, and unidentified ickies but no tooth.
I tried to convince the girls to go to bed with the pillow and the tooth fairy would just know what happened. That didn't work! I even tried using some sure fire bathroom humor. I got a few giggles but still no convincing A1. A1 informed me that if she tried to trick the tooth fairy a zombie fairy would show up in her place and try to steal all of her teeth. Well, we couldn't have that, now could we?
A1 got out of bed and wrote the Tooth Fairy a note explaining what happened. She apologized for losing her tooth, as well as, having a messy room. She asked the Tooth Fairy to search for the tooth if she has time. The note was enough to calm A1's nerves and she agreed to go to bed. As I shut the door I heard A2 ask A1 how the Tooth Fairy got in the room. A1 yawned and said, "She just does."
Thank goodness that crisis is over and only lasted 45 minutes. Now I just hope the tooth fairy remembers to show up and maybe she can vacuum while she is here.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
What's My Excuse?
1. I work full time outside of my house.
2. I am a mom of 3 girls who are involved in activities outside of the home.
3. I wake up at 5:30AM to make it to work at on time.
5. I usually get to bed around 10:45PM after getting all the nightly chores finished.
6. Some days I leave my house at 7AM and don't get home until close to 7PM
7. I
8. McDonald's is my happy place.
9. I have never had a lean, muscular body.
10. Working out is my own personal hell.
11. I enjoy watching TV.
12. I enjoy reading.
13. I enjoy writing.
14. I bake when I am stressed.
15. I don't like to waste food that I bake.
16. I know my worth isn't determined by my waist.
17. I am tired.
18. Chocolate
19. My girls need to know they are more important than a tan tiny body.
20. A1, A2, A3
I am so irritated by this for so many reasons. The biggest is that it is another example of a mom tearing down another mom. We need to start supporting each other instead of beating each other down. I hope that this was somehow taken out of context and the harshness of the words that delivered what could have been a motivating were just a mistake.
However, I am not sure that it was a mistake or taken out of context. I saw a couple of interviews where this lady claimed that she just didn't understand what the problem was. Why would this hurt anyone? She said all that she wanted to do was motivate moms to want to better themselves. Well guess what Super Fit Mom? All you did was make me mad. When I get mad I eat McDonald's. So... your motivational tactics caused me to eat a hamburger and fries. WAY TO GO!
Then on the same show Snookie and JWow were also asked what they thought as if we care, your 15 minutes are up! They both thought that there was nothing wrong with this message and that the people who were upset were just fat and lazy. WHAT!?!
Come on ladies! Let's put an end to the immature inappropriate name calling. Find beauty in being who you are. Obviously, we, as a society, need to work on improving our health. We are always seeing reports about obesity rates and bla, bla, bla... Do you really think someone who is overweight doesn't know they are overweight? Do you really think they want to be overweight? Do you really think an overweight person doesn't know what they need to do? It is hard to lose weight. It is hard making the choice to be fit. Be supportive, be a friend, don't be a "B!" Being a mom is exhausting work. No need to add more stress.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
A Life Changer
Last week I made a life altering decision and this week I am going for it...
A1 has always been bothered by the fact that we don't have a "team." We really aren't sports people. I mean we enjoy watching sports occasionally but we would never base our daily schedule around watching a certain team play. The only exception to this is when Indiana University is playing basketball and I actually remember to turn the channel.
This has really bothered A1 ever since she started school and was introduced to spirit week. The last three years they have had favorite team day. Students are asked to wear jerseys or t-shirts with their team's logo on it. Every year she fake cries about not having anything to wear and, unlike when I complain about not having anything to wear, she is telling the truth. The pitiful tears turn into begging me to go to the store and "JUST BUY ANY TEAM." Out of principal (i.e. laziness) I tell her no. I don't think it is necessary to go and spend $10+ on a shirt she will only wear one day. I am just not going to do it.
I have had many friends offer to help educate her on the wonderful world of sports and help her pick a team, their team. That just frustrates me. If she really wants to learn about sports, I can teach her. I was, after all, raised in a sports family. I totally understand HOW to play the games. I just can't make my body do it. However, I know this girl and she isn't doing this because she is missing out on a chance to be a well rounded athlete. She is just doing it for fashion. Boo to that. Besides that we live in a war zone between Cardinal fans and Cubs fans. I would hate for her to get caught in the cross hairs of that battle. If she had to choose one team over the other I know she would feel guilty, worry, lose sleep, and then need therapy. NOT worth it.
Last week while attending a family birthday party the Cardinal game came on. Several members of the party became zombies sucked into the tv. As I sat in an annoying unsilent silence it dawned on me. There has to be a team out there for us. I was going to figure out which team was our team.
My team searching criteria:
1. It has to be a faraway team. I don't want to pay to go to watch "our team" play.
2. It needs to be a team that I don't ever hear anyone root for or against.
3. It has to be a team that I won't find shirts for at Walmart or Target because I don't want to hear, "Look mom, there is a shirt for "our team" we need to buy it.
4. It has to be a team that the girls will always remember the name.
5. It has to be a team that just makes sense for the A Team to love.
The answer should be obvious...
Our favorite team will be the Oakland A's! They are from Oakland, right? They are the perfect team.
I haven't ever heard anything about them, good or bad. They aren't in the play offs so no Cardinal fan will be mean about this decision. I am almost positive that I will actually have to order a shirt online because I don't think I have ever seen an A's shirt in a store. Based on Mac's feelings on California I don't see us ever traveling to see one of their games. They really are the perfect match for us. Besides, wouldn't the A Team look adorable wearing A's shirts in our Christmas card!?!
Go A's!
A1 has always been bothered by the fact that we don't have a "team." We really aren't sports people. I mean we enjoy watching sports occasionally but we would never base our daily schedule around watching a certain team play. The only exception to this is when Indiana University is playing basketball and I actually remember to turn the channel.
This has really bothered A1 ever since she started school and was introduced to spirit week. The last three years they have had favorite team day. Students are asked to wear jerseys or t-shirts with their team's logo on it. Every year she fake cries about not having anything to wear and, unlike when I complain about not having anything to wear, she is telling the truth. The pitiful tears turn into begging me to go to the store and "JUST BUY ANY TEAM." Out of principal (i.e. laziness) I tell her no. I don't think it is necessary to go and spend $10+ on a shirt she will only wear one day. I am just not going to do it.
I have had many friends offer to help educate her on the wonderful world of sports and help her pick a team, their team. That just frustrates me. If she really wants to learn about sports, I can teach her. I was, after all, raised in a sports family. I totally understand HOW to play the games. I just can't make my body do it. However, I know this girl and she isn't doing this because she is missing out on a chance to be a well rounded athlete. She is just doing it for fashion. Boo to that. Besides that we live in a war zone between Cardinal fans and Cubs fans. I would hate for her to get caught in the cross hairs of that battle. If she had to choose one team over the other I know she would feel guilty, worry, lose sleep, and then need therapy. NOT worth it.
Last week while attending a family birthday party the Cardinal game came on. Several members of the party became zombies sucked into the tv. As I sat in an annoying unsilent silence it dawned on me. There has to be a team out there for us. I was going to figure out which team was our team.
My team searching criteria:
1. It has to be a faraway team. I don't want to pay to go to watch "our team" play.
2. It needs to be a team that I don't ever hear anyone root for or against.
3. It has to be a team that I won't find shirts for at Walmart or Target because I don't want to hear, "Look mom, there is a shirt for "our team" we need to buy it.
4. It has to be a team that the girls will always remember the name.
5. It has to be a team that just makes sense for the A Team to love.
The answer should be obvious...
Our favorite team will be the Oakland A's! They are from Oakland, right? They are the perfect team.
I haven't ever heard anything about them, good or bad. They aren't in the play offs so no Cardinal fan will be mean about this decision. I am almost positive that I will actually have to order a shirt online because I don't think I have ever seen an A's shirt in a store. Based on Mac's feelings on California I don't see us ever traveling to see one of their games. They really are the perfect match for us. Besides, wouldn't the A Team look adorable wearing A's shirts in our Christmas card!?!
Go A's!
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