Kids are Gross

Kids are gross.  I mean they are super disgusting little creatures. Well at least mine are...
I just witnessed A1 laugh so hard she shot a snot rocket across the room at A2.  Then, even though A2 is the nose pickin' booger eater of the crew she has a very weak stomach and gagged until she threw up a little.   This is just a normal gross night for me.
Last week A2 came downstairs to complain about an earache.  My first reaction was to not-so-calmly remind her that it was past her bedtime and return her to her room.  After she returned she informed me that she thought she might have something in her ear.  I tried to tell her she didn't have anything in her ear but she insisted she did because SHE PUT a toilet paper ball in her ear.  I looked in her ear and I didn't see anything. Then I pulled her ear a little and I saw a small tip of paper. 
I began to panic.  It was after 9:00.  A1 and A3 were asleep. Mac wasn't home from rehearsal.  My mom wasn't home to call for advice.  I was going to have to be the grown up and handle this one on my own.  So I did what any rational parent would do, I went to Facebook for help, suggestions, and support. It took too long for the ideas to come in so I decided I would play a real life came of Operation.  I sent A2 upstairs to search for tweezers.  I rationalized that it was a way to make her think about this upcoming torture but really I was just lazy and my legs hurt from T25. 
She returned and was slightly hyperventilating.  To add to the drama I told her she had to lay perfectly still because if she moved I could hurt her ear and make it bleed.  She jumped up and said that she thought it would be a good idea to wait until we could go see Dr. Jones in the morning.  I made her lay back down because I didn't want to pay that $30 copay, if I didn't have to, plus I was feeling slightly competitive and wanted to win Real-Life-Operation. 
I had to rig a flashlight between my chin and chest so I could see what I was doing.  I went in with the tweezers.  I was a little nervous since I don't have very steady hands and because this was her ear... I grabbed the TP and a small ear hair and pulled.  She screamed and jerked.  I screamed and dropped the TP.  I told her I would try just one more time then if I couldn't get it I would take her to the dr.  She allowed one more try. 
My shaky hand went for the TP ball.  My eyes started to cross from the intense concentration. I slowly grabbed the TP.  I managed to get only the TP this time.  Success.  As the TP emerged it revealed itself to be the size of a small bouncy ball.  A2 was really impressed by all the ear wax.  She talked about the ear wax for way too long.  She asked to keep the TP ball.  I revealed my weakness and gagged.  Now she will randomly look at me and say, "Ear Wax" and laughs as I shiver. 
Boogers are gross.  Snot is gross.  Vomit is gross.  Ear wax is gross.  Kids are gross.