Parent teacher conferences are the perfect time to remind you that your child is growing up. That your little "baby" is now able to things you never dreamed of...
I mean really does anyone dream of their child adding and subtracting multiple digit numbers or being able to read a nutrition label? Maybe people do but I certainly don't!
Conference time is a time to remind you that you are no longer the coolest, prettiest, most influential person in your child's life, as A1 was more than willing to point out the night before my conference. She wanted me to know that her teacher was much prettier than me. On a scale of 1 to 100, her teacher was a 99 and I was a 10. Why did I get such a low rating? Because I wouldn't take her to get ice cream... That weak attempt at cruelty didn't do anything to make be change my mind. I would assume a teacher who has only taught for 3 years, has no children at home, and is 10 years younger than me would look prettier. She wouldn't have that semi-permanent look of exhaustion that only slightly eases itself towards the end of June. She wouldn't have stress grays or stress wrinkles. She should still look young and fresh.
Conference time is also a chance to remind you that your children are good because of you and in spite of you. Just because A1 is a couch potato and LOVES watching tv, which may or may not have been influenced by my love of tv watching, she is still excelling in school. She is at or above grade level in all subjects. Phew!
Conference time is, most importantly, a time to remind you to watch what you say in front of your children...
The teacher began with, "I have to tell you a funny story about A1. Last Wednesday she came up to me with her face a little red and said, 'Mrs. B, did you fart?'" My stomach did a little flip-flop because I knew exactly where this story was going. All I could do was sit there red faced, wide eyed, with my hand pressed against my mouth. She continued, "Then I said, 'No, A1 Why would you ask that? Then A1 smiled and said, 'Cause you are really blowing me away. I have never had a student say anything like that before. I thought it was so funny. Then she went to the nurse and told her the same thing."
GREAT! I had two choices fess up or blame Mac. He wasn't there so he wouldn't be able to defend himself... BUT I am a really bad liar and it would probably be worse if I sat there and lied to the teacher, who is much prettier than I am, about my immature sense of humor. I went with the truth. I confessed that A1 overheard me telling Mac about my student who said that to me and how I found it to be hilarious. I recall A1 laughing while I told the story but I assumed it was because I said the word "fart" not because her devious wheels were turning as she planned on sharing the joke with the adults in her school.
Luckily her teacher also finds humor in fart jokes. Unfortunately A1 will always be known as "A1-the girl who told the fart joke." When I got home A1 asked how it went. I started with, "So I hear your teacher blows you away." After the giggles died down we started our lesson on inappropriate things you shouldn't say to your teacher, even if your super immature mom thinks they are hilarious.
Thank goodness for Parent Teacher Conferences!
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