Dear Girls,
Mommy loves you BUT... Mommy is an introvert. This means she NEEDS time by herself. In order for mommy to be a nice mommy you need to give her what she needs. She has tried to hide from you in the bathroom, only to be interrupted by screaming and crying after being MIA for a mere 30 seconds. She has tried setting her alarm to get up before you do, only to have one of the three of you magically wake up 10 minutes before the alarm. She has tried to go against her early-to-bed instincts and stay up to have some alone time, only to have someone, mostly A,1 sneak books, Ipods, or Ipads to stay awake too. She has tried to leave you downstairs with Daddy only to have you scale the baby gate and bang on her bedroom door.
Mommy has tried to compromise and get some alone time by leaving this house but this really doesn't work because there are always people out in public. Mommy is an introvert trying to survive in a family of extroverts. This means she NEEDS time by herself to recharge. A3 might be a fellow introvert the jury is still out on her but she really does enjoy her alone time.
Mommy loves spending time with you listening to your stories, songs, dreams, games, and whatever other crazy things you come up with but mommy is an introvert. This means she NEEDS time by herself to reboot. She wants to be the best mommy she can be this means you need to let her have some time by herself. When mommy says "Go to bed" it is for your own good. Mommy needs a few minutes to think in quiet. Mommy is willing to compromise. Just 15 minutes a day isn't too much to ask is it?
Mommy loves you but she is going crazy. Mommy is an introvert and she NEEDS time by herself. If you have any questions about this, please ask your dad.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Six Flags
On Friday we took the girls on our day-vaction to Six Flags. A1 earned a free ticket for completing 600 minutes of reading so we knew we needed to cash in that free $300 ticket. There were so many things I could choose to complain about on that trip, especially if I started comparing it to the most magical pace on earth. The fact that it rained the first 2.5 hours we were there was slightly miserable or the fact that we dined on 3 entrees of sub par dorm like cafeteria food that cost us $60 are just two of the grumble worthy occurrences from our adventure.
Instead of being a Negative Nelly, I need to focus on the good of the trip because there were just as many good things that we experienced, like the amazing Funnel Cake Hot Fudge Sundae that the five of us happily shared. Even with the heavenly goodness we devoured, I was most impressed by the the girls' behavior. A1 and A2 know how to get along when it really matters. The entire time we were at the park they were full of smiles and kind words for each other. I even saw them holding hands a few times as we tromped around in soggy shoes. They compromised and worked together. A1 even helped A2 on and off of rides without being told. Other parents stopped us to compliment us on the girls' behavior. They were completely amazing.
A1 didn't want to ride the little train but she knew A2 wanted to ride it so without complaining she rode it 11 times. Thanks to the rain we ran into very few lines.
I was bursting with pride when the girls rode Taz's Twisters. This seemed to be the ride that inspired the most family feuding. During the three times the girls rode it, I witnessed numerous sibling fights. I saw brothers arguing with brothers to the point they would scream and then punch. Sisters fighting with sisters, yelling, sticking out tongues, and pouting. One brother and sister pair antagonized each other so much the mom had to lean over the fence to yell at her children. I saw several younger siblings get their feelings hurt as the older sibling insisted on riding independently. The little ones had to ride alone, crying in the little twisting buckets all by themselves.
Not my girls though. They were working together to get their tornado spinning. I could hear their laughter over the the music and sirens. Never once did either girl say something hurtful to the other. They never hit or kicked. A3 was even a trooper even though she wasn't big enough to do anything. She was happy just to be in her stroller or sling. The highlight of her day was probably eating.
It was beautiful. I was living in a dream! It was totally worth the $300 we spent on A1's free ticket. We plan on going again next summer when A1 gets her free ticket again.
I woke from my dream by the time we left the parking lot and the girls started arguing about who got what blanket... It was still totally worth the trip though.
Instead of being a Negative Nelly, I need to focus on the good of the trip because there were just as many good things that we experienced, like the amazing Funnel Cake Hot Fudge Sundae that the five of us happily shared. Even with the heavenly goodness we devoured, I was most impressed by the the girls' behavior. A1 and A2 know how to get along when it really matters. The entire time we were at the park they were full of smiles and kind words for each other. I even saw them holding hands a few times as we tromped around in soggy shoes. They compromised and worked together. A1 even helped A2 on and off of rides without being told. Other parents stopped us to compliment us on the girls' behavior. They were completely amazing.
A1 didn't want to ride the little train but she knew A2 wanted to ride it so without complaining she rode it 11 times. Thanks to the rain we ran into very few lines.
I was bursting with pride when the girls rode Taz's Twisters. This seemed to be the ride that inspired the most family feuding. During the three times the girls rode it, I witnessed numerous sibling fights. I saw brothers arguing with brothers to the point they would scream and then punch. Sisters fighting with sisters, yelling, sticking out tongues, and pouting. One brother and sister pair antagonized each other so much the mom had to lean over the fence to yell at her children. I saw several younger siblings get their feelings hurt as the older sibling insisted on riding independently. The little ones had to ride alone, crying in the little twisting buckets all by themselves.
It was beautiful. I was living in a dream! It was totally worth the $300 we spent on A1's free ticket. We plan on going again next summer when A1 gets her free ticket again.
I woke from my dream by the time we left the parking lot and the girls started arguing about who got what blanket... It was still totally worth the trip though.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Dear Friend
Dear Friend,
Well it has been a year since you decided it was time for you to leave this world and end your own life, forever altering our lives. My emotions fluctuate from day to day. Some days I am angry. Some days I am sad. Some days I am numb and I don't know what to feel. Most days I am just confused.
Today I am feeling reflective. I think back to the day I had to tell my girls that you were gone. I kept it brief. I didn't want to glamorize or glorify what had to be a mistake, a lapse in judgement. I didn't want my girls to follow in your example. When I told A1, your God daughter, the one you promised to set a Christian example for, she pointed out that you wouldn't get to see her any more. She is right you have missed out on so many things this year. Not the things that will eventually be put in History books but the important things. The things that make life worth living.
A1 lost her first tooth. A1 started reading chapter books. A1 learned to swim. A1 learned to make her own bed. A2 went to preschool. A2 learned to spell her name. A2 performed in her first musical. A2 performed in her first dance recital. A3 starting rolling, sitting, walking, and talking. There were so many important things you missed.
On days when I am sad I am not just sad for myself. I am sad for your other friends, as well. I know the void the feel. The one that won't be filled no matter how much time passes or how many new friends we make. I am sad too for your family, especially your mom. I can't even begin to imagine what she goes through on a daily basis. My brain, heart, and stomach won't let me go there. Mostly I feel sad for you. I am sad that you felt this was the only option. I am sad that you didn't think anyone would be willing to help. That you felt so alone.
On occasion I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I didn't see this coming. I feel guilty that I didn't stop you. My guilty days are always shared with angry days. How dare you do this to us? How could you put us in this position? Why would you want to hurt us all so much? Then I go back to guilt. How could I think these things about someone who is no longer here to defend himself? How could I be so angry with someone who felt this was the only way?
Life is so precious. I am sorry you decided you were done with it. This year I have repeatedly been reminded about how precious life really is. Losing you and two of my grandparents in the same year was rough but I learned from it. I won't take life for granted I will live everyday I am blessed enough to live. I will do my best to make a difference to those I meet each day. I will be a smile for some student who may be struggling to find a reason to keep living. I will be a better person.
On second thought perhaps today I am feeling angry, sad, and guilty in addition to reflective. That is kind of the way it goes. I feel so much all at once. Even when I am feeling all these negative feelings I can still be happy knowing that I am feeling something and no matter what I am feeling it is ok.
Well it has been a year since you decided it was time for you to leave this world and end your own life, forever altering our lives. My emotions fluctuate from day to day. Some days I am angry. Some days I am sad. Some days I am numb and I don't know what to feel. Most days I am just confused.
Today I am feeling reflective. I think back to the day I had to tell my girls that you were gone. I kept it brief. I didn't want to glamorize or glorify what had to be a mistake, a lapse in judgement. I didn't want my girls to follow in your example. When I told A1, your God daughter, the one you promised to set a Christian example for, she pointed out that you wouldn't get to see her any more. She is right you have missed out on so many things this year. Not the things that will eventually be put in History books but the important things. The things that make life worth living.
A1 lost her first tooth. A1 started reading chapter books. A1 learned to swim. A1 learned to make her own bed. A2 went to preschool. A2 learned to spell her name. A2 performed in her first musical. A2 performed in her first dance recital. A3 starting rolling, sitting, walking, and talking. There were so many important things you missed.
On days when I am sad I am not just sad for myself. I am sad for your other friends, as well. I know the void the feel. The one that won't be filled no matter how much time passes or how many new friends we make. I am sad too for your family, especially your mom. I can't even begin to imagine what she goes through on a daily basis. My brain, heart, and stomach won't let me go there. Mostly I feel sad for you. I am sad that you felt this was the only option. I am sad that you didn't think anyone would be willing to help. That you felt so alone.
On occasion I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I didn't see this coming. I feel guilty that I didn't stop you. My guilty days are always shared with angry days. How dare you do this to us? How could you put us in this position? Why would you want to hurt us all so much? Then I go back to guilt. How could I think these things about someone who is no longer here to defend himself? How could I be so angry with someone who felt this was the only way?
Life is so precious. I am sorry you decided you were done with it. This year I have repeatedly been reminded about how precious life really is. Losing you and two of my grandparents in the same year was rough but I learned from it. I won't take life for granted I will live everyday I am blessed enough to live. I will do my best to make a difference to those I meet each day. I will be a smile for some student who may be struggling to find a reason to keep living. I will be a better person.
On second thought perhaps today I am feeling angry, sad, and guilty in addition to reflective. That is kind of the way it goes. I feel so much all at once. Even when I am feeling all these negative feelings I can still be happy knowing that I am feeling something and no matter what I am feeling it is ok.
Your friend,
Carrie
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Gateway Drugs Update
The other day A1 had a friend over. All the girls were sitting at the kitchen table making jewelry when I heard A1 whisper to her friend, "Hey, can I tell you something in private?" Naturally her friend agreed and they tried to sneak off to the toy room. As any well meaning mom would do, I quietly followed them and listened behind a door.
A1 confessed after her friend agreed she wouldn't tell anyone her secret, "I took drugs."
Her friend was confused but used to A1's over the top drama, "No you didn't. What are you talking about?"
A1 started getting a little hysterical, "I did. I took drugs and my mom caught me and the police are going to get me cause I did it in front of the camera."
Her friend wasn't buying it, "You didn't take drugs. People who take drugs look gross and act all crazy and break things."
A1, "No I mean it, I really did."
Friend, "What was it?"
A1, "Cough drops."
I decided I better intervene. I walked in to the room to see A1's friend give her an "are you serious" look. I offered my explaination that cough drops are medicine and if you use medicine when you don't need it, it is a drug. A1's friend seemed to understand. She looked at A1 and put her hand on her shoulder, looked her in the eyes and said, "A1, it was only cough drops. If you stop now it will be ok."
I know who I am calling if we ever need an intervention!
This morning A2 was helping me clean the living room. She discovered a bag of cough drops beside the couch. She calmly brought them to me. With a look of complete devastation she said in the quietest voice she had ever used, "Mommy, I found these. I think A1 is using the cough drops again." She showed visible relief when I explained that daddy had a bad cough and he left them out.
I am impressed that I managed to convince A2 that cough drops are drugs even if they taste like candy. As a bonus she now thinksA1 has a problem and is addicted to cough drops and was willing to turn her in. She was basically laughing in my face the day of the initial intervention. SOMETHING SUNK IN! I win!
A1 confessed after her friend agreed she wouldn't tell anyone her secret, "I took drugs."
Her friend was confused but used to A1's over the top drama, "No you didn't. What are you talking about?"
A1 started getting a little hysterical, "I did. I took drugs and my mom caught me and the police are going to get me cause I did it in front of the camera."
Her friend wasn't buying it, "You didn't take drugs. People who take drugs look gross and act all crazy and break things."
A1, "No I mean it, I really did."
Friend, "What was it?"
A1, "Cough drops."
I decided I better intervene. I walked in to the room to see A1's friend give her an "are you serious" look. I offered my explaination that cough drops are medicine and if you use medicine when you don't need it, it is a drug. A1's friend seemed to understand. She looked at A1 and put her hand on her shoulder, looked her in the eyes and said, "A1, it was only cough drops. If you stop now it will be ok."
I know who I am calling if we ever need an intervention!
This morning A2 was helping me clean the living room. She discovered a bag of cough drops beside the couch. She calmly brought them to me. With a look of complete devastation she said in the quietest voice she had ever used, "Mommy, I found these. I think A1 is using the cough drops again." She showed visible relief when I explained that daddy had a bad cough and he left them out.
I am impressed that I managed to convince A2 that cough drops are drugs even if they taste like candy. As a bonus she now thinksA1 has a problem and is addicted to cough drops and was willing to turn her in. She was basically laughing in my face the day of the initial intervention. SOMETHING SUNK IN! I win!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Dear Miley
For what it is worth I have some advice for a certain young pop star...
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I understand you are trying to prove to everyone, including yourself that you are a grown up, but I am not buying it. First someone who is a grownup doesn't go around saying, "I am doing this or that because I am a grown up." That is something a young child would say when he/she is playing house or trying to convince a parent to bend a rule or get their way.
Second the outfits you are choosing to wear in order to make a statement that you are an independent young adult make you look childish and somewhat foolish. An adult would wear clothes. Some of your outfits are reflective of something I would throw on my 16 month old if we were playing in the backyard on a 90* day. Case and point the ensemble worn while you performed on Good Morning America. Were you trying to say, "Good morning America I am an adult wearing a diaper?" because that is what it looked like to me. Also the makeup looks very similar to the makeup my 7 and 4 year old wear when they are playing dress up trying to look like adults.
Third, Sweet Miley, the lyrics of your new grown up songs scream immature teenager trying to rebel against parents. Please! You are trying to be sneaky and talk about doing drugs as if we wouldn't catch on. Lying to people so they can play your music and then verbally sticking your tongue out at the people who bought the lie and played the song by announcing that your song is, in fact, about drugs. A grown up wouldn't use such infantile tactics. You might as well say, "Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo I tricked you into playing inappropriate songs because I am a grown up!"
If you really want to show everyone that you are an actual grown up Miley, stop telling everyone that you are a grown up and just be one. Wear adult sized clothes that actually cover your body and don't look like fuzzy diapers. Sing songs that are about grown up topics and not some rebelious teenage urge to sneak drug messages on the air so unsuspecting tweens can sing them and not really know what they are singing about.
P.S. I realize you won't actually read this and even if you did you won't want to follow any of this advice because you are a grown up.
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I understand you are trying to prove to everyone, including yourself that you are a grown up, but I am not buying it. First someone who is a grownup doesn't go around saying, "I am doing this or that because I am a grown up." That is something a young child would say when he/she is playing house or trying to convince a parent to bend a rule or get their way.
Second the outfits you are choosing to wear in order to make a statement that you are an independent young adult make you look childish and somewhat foolish. An adult would wear clothes. Some of your outfits are reflective of something I would throw on my 16 month old if we were playing in the backyard on a 90* day. Case and point the ensemble worn while you performed on Good Morning America. Were you trying to say, "Good morning America I am an adult wearing a diaper?" because that is what it looked like to me. Also the makeup looks very similar to the makeup my 7 and 4 year old wear when they are playing dress up trying to look like adults.
Third, Sweet Miley, the lyrics of your new grown up songs scream immature teenager trying to rebel against parents. Please! You are trying to be sneaky and talk about doing drugs as if we wouldn't catch on. Lying to people so they can play your music and then verbally sticking your tongue out at the people who bought the lie and played the song by announcing that your song is, in fact, about drugs. A grown up wouldn't use such infantile tactics. You might as well say, "Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo I tricked you into playing inappropriate songs because I am a grown up!"
If you really want to show everyone that you are an actual grown up Miley, stop telling everyone that you are a grown up and just be one. Wear adult sized clothes that actually cover your body and don't look like fuzzy diapers. Sing songs that are about grown up topics and not some rebelious teenage urge to sneak drug messages on the air so unsuspecting tweens can sing them and not really know what they are singing about.
With Love,
Carrie
P.S. I realize you won't actually read this and even if you did you won't want to follow any of this advice because you are a grown up.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Gateway drugs
Last week when I was cleaning the toy room I found a stash of cough drop wrappers unwisely hidden under the couch cushion. It seems we have a drug problem on our hands so I did what any rational parent would do...
I called the girls to the living room. While they stood in front of me not knowing why they were currently in trouble, I slammed the pile of wrappers down on the table like they do on those detective shows. I was feeling really tough. A1's eyes became huge, filling with guilt. A2 quickly glanced at A1 but remained straight faced. I started the conversation. "What are these?"
A1 was quick with "Wrappers."
I was impressed with her quick answer but I didn't want to let her know so I pressed on. "What was in the wrappers."
A1 quietly said, "Cough drops."
Now we were getting somewhere, "Who has a cough?" I waited as they just stared. "No one has a cough. Did you know these are medicine?" Both girls shook their heads without talking. "Did you know that when you use medicine when you don't need it you make it become a drug?" Now I really had A1's attention. Because she just finished 1st grade, she had been through 2 years of Red Ribbon Week. I was using scarey terms that she understood, kind of. I continued, "So now you are putting drugs in to your body. What happens when you put drugs in your body?"
A1 began to hyperventilate. Her color changed: normal, to white, to green back to white and then splotchy red. Then the sobbing started. In between sobs she managed to answer, "You... will... die.. or... go... to jail. Do you think I will die?"
A small part of me was wanting to laugh but I pulled it together. "You are lucky that you only took cough drops and you probably won't die from those but you need to stop before you become addicted and you can't stop."
A1 nodded. Still struggling with her breathing, she questioned me further, "Do you think the police will come and get me? I forgot that the camera is in the toy room and the people in the alarm saw me take all those cough drops and they probably called the police."
Again I had to fight the laughter, "The police have an important job to keep people safe. If you are doing something that will get you hurt they might have to come arrest you. Good thing you will get 1 warning for breaking their rules. This is your 1 chance. You better not break anymore rules."
A1 had a slight look of relief cross her face. She gave me a giant hug and promised she wouldn't break anymore rules.
A2 proved that my tactic had no affect on her. As they walked away she asked A1 if she would get her another one because they "just taste so good, like candy." A1 started crying and told her, "No way I am not doing that stuff again. I can't be on drugs."
Cough drops the gateway drug.
I called the girls to the living room. While they stood in front of me not knowing why they were currently in trouble, I slammed the pile of wrappers down on the table like they do on those detective shows. I was feeling really tough. A1's eyes became huge, filling with guilt. A2 quickly glanced at A1 but remained straight faced. I started the conversation. "What are these?"
A1 was quick with "Wrappers."
I was impressed with her quick answer but I didn't want to let her know so I pressed on. "What was in the wrappers."
A1 quietly said, "Cough drops."
Now we were getting somewhere, "Who has a cough?" I waited as they just stared. "No one has a cough. Did you know these are medicine?" Both girls shook their heads without talking. "Did you know that when you use medicine when you don't need it you make it become a drug?" Now I really had A1's attention. Because she just finished 1st grade, she had been through 2 years of Red Ribbon Week. I was using scarey terms that she understood, kind of. I continued, "So now you are putting drugs in to your body. What happens when you put drugs in your body?"
A1 began to hyperventilate. Her color changed: normal, to white, to green back to white and then splotchy red. Then the sobbing started. In between sobs she managed to answer, "You... will... die.. or... go... to jail. Do you think I will die?"
A small part of me was wanting to laugh but I pulled it together. "You are lucky that you only took cough drops and you probably won't die from those but you need to stop before you become addicted and you can't stop."
A1 nodded. Still struggling with her breathing, she questioned me further, "Do you think the police will come and get me? I forgot that the camera is in the toy room and the people in the alarm saw me take all those cough drops and they probably called the police."
Again I had to fight the laughter, "The police have an important job to keep people safe. If you are doing something that will get you hurt they might have to come arrest you. Good thing you will get 1 warning for breaking their rules. This is your 1 chance. You better not break anymore rules."
A1 had a slight look of relief cross her face. She gave me a giant hug and promised she wouldn't break anymore rules.
A2 proved that my tactic had no affect on her. As they walked away she asked A1 if she would get her another one because they "just taste so good, like candy." A1 started crying and told her, "No way I am not doing that stuff again. I can't be on drugs."
Cough drops the gateway drug.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Favorite Things
We started off the day very grumpy. In the first 30 minutes that we were all awake everyone of us, including me, had a melt down of some type. We had tears, screaming, kicking, and even a little hair pulling. Our original plans were going no where. We needed a Tuesday morning redo.
I told the girls to get in the car and we were leaving the grumpy ladies at home. I asked them what we should do to get rid of the grumpy mean people. A1 suggested we go buy new shoes. Off to Walmart we went. The attitudes miraculously transformed once they selected their own sparkly $3 flipflops. We had smiles instead of frowns and laughing instead of tears. The good moods lasted until bedtime.
Today I learned that money can buy happiness and it only costs $6 at Walmart! This got me thinking... A1 finds happiness in shoes. What "things" do I find happiness in?
1. New socks: Some women love pedicures, not me! That is torture to my super ticklish feet. I prefer new white Hanes athletic socks. They are comforting little foot hugs. I am happiest when I have new socks on!
2. New books: My absolute favorite smell in the whole wide world is a new book. A quick sniff of a new book will send me to my happy place.
3. Pajama pants: I own more pajama pants than regular pants. I have flannel pajama pants, cotton pajama pants, and pajama jeans. I have pajama pants that I have accidentally worn to work and pajama pants I worn to work on purpose. I love my pajama pants!
4. Jewel cds: It is a good day when I can buy a new Jewel album, unless you have to ride in the car with me! Once I learn all the words, I will perform car concerts and I really don't care who has to sit through it. My advice join in, it will hurt a little less.
5. Craft items: I could get lost in a Michael's or a JoAnn's for hours. I love searching for the perfect item to complete whatever crazy project I have going.
If I was Oprah, this would have been my "favorite things" episode and you would have been disappointed. These really are the things I buy to make me happy. A perfectly happy day for me would be listening to Jewel, while reading a new book surrounded by my craft mess wearing pajama pants and getting little foot hugs from new socks. I am a sad happy person.
I told the girls to get in the car and we were leaving the grumpy ladies at home. I asked them what we should do to get rid of the grumpy mean people. A1 suggested we go buy new shoes. Off to Walmart we went. The attitudes miraculously transformed once they selected their own sparkly $3 flipflops. We had smiles instead of frowns and laughing instead of tears. The good moods lasted until bedtime.
Today I learned that money can buy happiness and it only costs $6 at Walmart! This got me thinking... A1 finds happiness in shoes. What "things" do I find happiness in?
1. New socks: Some women love pedicures, not me! That is torture to my super ticklish feet. I prefer new white Hanes athletic socks. They are comforting little foot hugs. I am happiest when I have new socks on!
2. New books: My absolute favorite smell in the whole wide world is a new book. A quick sniff of a new book will send me to my happy place.
3. Pajama pants: I own more pajama pants than regular pants. I have flannel pajama pants, cotton pajama pants, and pajama jeans. I have pajama pants that I have accidentally worn to work and pajama pants I worn to work on purpose. I love my pajama pants!
4. Jewel cds: It is a good day when I can buy a new Jewel album, unless you have to ride in the car with me! Once I learn all the words, I will perform car concerts and I really don't care who has to sit through it. My advice join in, it will hurt a little less.
5. Craft items: I could get lost in a Michael's or a JoAnn's for hours. I love searching for the perfect item to complete whatever crazy project I have going.
If I was Oprah, this would have been my "favorite things" episode and you would have been disappointed. These really are the things I buy to make me happy. A perfectly happy day for me would be listening to Jewel, while reading a new book surrounded by my craft mess wearing pajama pants and getting little foot hugs from new socks. I am a sad happy person.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Jr High Student or a Dog
Mac and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. During the last couple of months when we would tell people that, we would get a variation of the same questions:
Sometimes We do have conflict but this usually happens when we set opposite goals, like
"How can you be married to the same person for that long?"
and/or
"How old were you when you got married, 10?"
Really, 12 years isn't that long. It is all about perspective. If we were talking about a person, we would be talking about someone in 6th grade and that, really, isn't very old. However, if you were talking about a dog, 12 years would be pretty darn old. I would rather think that our relationship is more like a jr high student... Well, I think...
How does our relationship work? We love, laugh, talk, agree, disagree, respect each other, argue, learn, apologize, forgive, accept, and reflect. We do the best when we set goals and work towards them together. This especially works when the goal is make Carrie happy...
Mac: Clean house
Carrie: New Pinterest project or playing with the girls or watching reality tv or anything other than cleaning the house.
Every year we improve. We are better at loving. We are better at laughing. We are better at arguing forgiving. Every year we continue to learn from each other. We continue to grow independently and together. We respect each other. We accept each other, and ourselves, for who we are.
Next year we will be celebrating lucky #13. Our goal; not to walk under any ladders, cross the path of a black cat, or break any mirrors. We've got this.
Obviously, we really were 10 when we got married. Our engagement picture, which was taken back in the stone ages before all engagement pictures look like magazine layouts, is proof that our parents had to sign permission slips for us to miss school in order for us to make it to our big day.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Vacation
My sweet filterless neighbor asked me once again about my summer. She asked her list of standard questions. Then she moved on to a new one.
"Are you going on vacation?" I told her we weren't and she seemed shocked.
She asked me again. "You aren't going on vacation?"
I patiently told her again that we wouldn't be going anywhere.
"No vacation? Your girls would love a vacation. You haven't been in two years."
I laughed and agreed with her but I reassured her my girls are enjoying their low key summer and I promised her we would go next summer.
She brought it up one more time and I finally said words that rocked her world. "Vacations are too much work and exhausting. I am too worn out for that!"
She looked at me like I was the crazy one. Then she quickly shuffled away.
Does she not understand what takes to plan and pack for an entire family? All the brainwork that is involved? I am tired just thinking about it.
After she left I had a few moments in my head. Was I letting my anxiety and OCD interfer with my girls having a good time?
Then I rationalized, last year A3 was only 3 months old so a vacation would not be ideal. A 20 minute trip was pure screaming torture. We would have hated each other before we even left Illinois.
This year I wasn't able to dedicate the time I needed for vacation research. I was teaching a new grade level so all my free time was spend trying to figure them out. I didn't have the months of time I required to read books, search the internet, and perform personal interviews. Vacation is work and I couldn't let it get in the way of my real job. I need to do the research and plan my trip in order for me to still feel in control when the anxiety of leaving my familiar territory begins to consume me.
Next year we will be going on vacation. We will have fun. AND I have already started my 12 months of research. 12 months of research is normal right?
We visited with the travel agent last night. Going to a travel agent was hard for me at first. Before meeting with her for our last trip, I saw her as a threat to my need to plan and control. She was the mistress in my relationship with guide books and schedules. My view of Sue changed once I met her. She quickly became my planning ally. She was another tool in my planning belt. She was someone who would hang out at home base and we could call if things were going awry. She was always an email away and didn't seem annoyed when I would email her with silly questions. She became my planning BFF.
Last night we found out we were so ahead of the game prices for next summer haven't even been released yet so we weren't able to book a trip. It is ok though they are releasing them sometime today so I was able to come home and research restaurants we could eat at on our vacation. The only thing that accomplished was to make me hungry and my sub-par, normal food wasn't cutting it!
Now I will patiently wait until September when the travel guide books come out for 2014. I can't wait until we put a deposit on this trip so I know that all my pre-planning planning isn't a waste.
Maybe my neighbor was right in looking at me like I was out of my mind but this is what works for me. AND no one complained on our last trip when we were able to do everything we wanted without having to wait in long Disney lines. All my research and OCD planning worked out in everyone's favor.
"Are you going on vacation?" I told her we weren't and she seemed shocked.
She asked me again. "You aren't going on vacation?"
I patiently told her again that we wouldn't be going anywhere.
"No vacation? Your girls would love a vacation. You haven't been in two years."
I laughed and agreed with her but I reassured her my girls are enjoying their low key summer and I promised her we would go next summer.
She brought it up one more time and I finally said words that rocked her world. "Vacations are too much work and exhausting. I am too worn out for that!"
She looked at me like I was the crazy one. Then she quickly shuffled away.
Does she not understand what takes to plan and pack for an entire family? All the brainwork that is involved? I am tired just thinking about it.
After she left I had a few moments in my head. Was I letting my anxiety and OCD interfer with my girls having a good time?
Then I rationalized, last year A3 was only 3 months old so a vacation would not be ideal. A 20 minute trip was pure screaming torture. We would have hated each other before we even left Illinois.
This year I wasn't able to dedicate the time I needed for vacation research. I was teaching a new grade level so all my free time was spend trying to figure them out. I didn't have the months of time I required to read books, search the internet, and perform personal interviews. Vacation is work and I couldn't let it get in the way of my real job. I need to do the research and plan my trip in order for me to still feel in control when the anxiety of leaving my familiar territory begins to consume me.
Next year we will be going on vacation. We will have fun. AND I have already started my 12 months of research. 12 months of research is normal right?
We visited with the travel agent last night. Going to a travel agent was hard for me at first. Before meeting with her for our last trip, I saw her as a threat to my need to plan and control. She was the mistress in my relationship with guide books and schedules. My view of Sue changed once I met her. She quickly became my planning ally. She was another tool in my planning belt. She was someone who would hang out at home base and we could call if things were going awry. She was always an email away and didn't seem annoyed when I would email her with silly questions. She became my planning BFF.
Last night we found out we were so ahead of the game prices for next summer haven't even been released yet so we weren't able to book a trip. It is ok though they are releasing them sometime today so I was able to come home and research restaurants we could eat at on our vacation. The only thing that accomplished was to make me hungry and my sub-par, normal food wasn't cutting it!
Now I will patiently wait until September when the travel guide books come out for 2014. I can't wait until we put a deposit on this trip so I know that all my pre-planning planning isn't a waste.
Maybe my neighbor was right in looking at me like I was out of my mind but this is what works for me. AND no one complained on our last trip when we were able to do everything we wanted without having to wait in long Disney lines. All my research and OCD planning worked out in everyone's favor.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Amaze-what?
Rehearsals have started for Mac so A1 has taken upon herself to be my helper. I had already told her that since she took a 4.5 hour nap today she could stay up later than normal. She told me she would help A2 go to bed because she has developed a strange fear of EVERTHING and screams when she has to go upstairs alone. A1 took A2 upstairs and told her to pick a book. Before A1 came downstairs I heard a slightly above average amount of yelling and crying but it wasn't enough to make me run upstairs.
A1 entered the living room like a champion. Her fists were in the air in a victory celebration. She managed to get A2 to fall asleep in a record 10 minutes. As I praised her, a sheepish grin spread across her face. She said, "Yea, I was amaze-balls. I kinda went all Mac Jr mode and I yelled at her and I hit her a few times with a pillow. Then I read her a book and she was snoring before I finished."
After I finished laughing I reminded her that she shouldn't hit her sister and yelling wasn't the best idea either. But yea, she is "amaze-balls"
Where does she get this stuff? Oh I know... HER DAD! :)
A1 entered the living room like a champion. Her fists were in the air in a victory celebration. She managed to get A2 to fall asleep in a record 10 minutes. As I praised her, a sheepish grin spread across her face. She said, "Yea, I was amaze-balls. I kinda went all Mac Jr mode and I yelled at her and I hit her a few times with a pillow. Then I read her a book and she was snoring before I finished."
After I finished laughing I reminded her that she shouldn't hit her sister and yelling wasn't the best idea either. But yea, she is "amaze-balls"
Where does she get this stuff? Oh I know... HER DAD! :)
Unwanted Advice/Judgement
Last week while I was juggling a load of groceries I was bombarded with parenting advice from a neighbor who I unsuccessfully tried to dodge. I tried to be polite as she started with the standard small talk where she asks the same questions she always asks.
"How are the girls?"
"How is your summer?"
"How is your husband?"
"Do you teach?"
"Does your husband teach?"
Then she went somewhere she had never gone before...
"Why do you work? Don't you want to stay at home with your children?"
Whao! Stop right there. I wanted to push her, kick her, pull her hair. Obviously I spend quiet a good deal of time with my children. How dare she question my parenting choices? I really didn't want to get in to this discussion with her. Most of the time when this question is brought up people aren't really wanting to hear your reasons or hear an explanation. They have already decided you are wrong and their way is the only way. I simply said, "That is just what works for our family." I tried to walk away but then she threw out the zinger, "You do realize that having a mom at home is what is best for children."
WHAT!?! She had to go there. I had to fight the urge to lay her out right there in the drive way. How dare she suggest she knows what is best for my girls? I am not one to brag, very often, but my girls are pretty awesome just the way they are and I don't think they would be any more awesome if I stayed home with them. Would they be less awesome if I stayed home? I don't know but I am sure they would be different.
AND I like them the way they are.
It isn't her place to judge how I choose to raise my girls, nor is it anyone's place. I am not sure why people get so judgy over this issue? It might be because as parents we are so insecure and worried about whether or not we are doing the right thing. In a attempt to prove, to ourselves, that what we are doing/have done is right or the best for our children, we attack people with the opposing views. So before you give advice make sure the receiver wants to hear it and that it isn't a way to feel better about yourself.
Besides... I don't see any evidence that her children are better off because she stayed home. Not that I am judging.
"How are the girls?"
"How is your summer?"
"How is your husband?"
"Do you teach?"
"Does your husband teach?"
Then she went somewhere she had never gone before...
"Why do you work? Don't you want to stay at home with your children?"
Whao! Stop right there. I wanted to push her, kick her, pull her hair. Obviously I spend quiet a good deal of time with my children. How dare she question my parenting choices? I really didn't want to get in to this discussion with her. Most of the time when this question is brought up people aren't really wanting to hear your reasons or hear an explanation. They have already decided you are wrong and their way is the only way. I simply said, "That is just what works for our family." I tried to walk away but then she threw out the zinger, "You do realize that having a mom at home is what is best for children."
WHAT!?! She had to go there. I had to fight the urge to lay her out right there in the drive way. How dare she suggest she knows what is best for my girls? I am not one to brag, very often, but my girls are pretty awesome just the way they are and I don't think they would be any more awesome if I stayed home with them. Would they be less awesome if I stayed home? I don't know but I am sure they would be different.
AND I like them the way they are.
It isn't her place to judge how I choose to raise my girls, nor is it anyone's place. I am not sure why people get so judgy over this issue? It might be because as parents we are so insecure and worried about whether or not we are doing the right thing. In a attempt to prove, to ourselves, that what we are doing/have done is right or the best for our children, we attack people with the opposing views. So before you give advice make sure the receiver wants to hear it and that it isn't a way to feel better about yourself.
Besides... I don't see any evidence that her children are better off because she stayed home. Not that I am judging.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Problems
I am not sure if we have ant problems or kid problems, but I am sure my kid has problems.
On Sunday evening A2 discovered a colony of ants devouring a legless zebra animal cracker carelessly discarded by A3 at some point in the day. A2 was enthralled by her discovery. She squatted down to investigate more closely. She studied them for several minutes.
Then she got an idea...
I quickly went to the kitchen upon hearing banging only to find A2 smashing ants with a rubber hammer. She looked up at me and smiled as she said, "This is the best day ever since I get to kill stuff." I was instantly disturbed when I realized how much she was enjoying the mass murder. I was raising a psychopath! What do I do now? I was at a loss, so I sat back and observed...
The large scale annihilation lasted a few more rounds before she seemed bored. She then got a new cracker and placed it on the floor and watched as the survivors ran to the new food trap. She waited until the cracker was covered with her next victims and she deviously cackled. Then in a creepy high pitched voice she said, "Hello ants. Mommy's home." and the ant battering continued.
A large small
part of me wanted to stop her because that would be the right thing to
do. Another part of me was curious as to what she would do next. And
still another part of me was glad she was taking care of the ants so I
wouldn't have to.
I planned on calling some of my therapist friends to make an appointment so they can fix whatever I had done wrong to make her enjoy death so much however this morning she made me change my mind. I asked A2 if she would want to vacuum the newest trail of ants searching for food. She looked at me as if I was crazy and said, "No, that would kill them."
Phew... maybe she is normal after all.
OR is this a sign of multiple personalities?
On Sunday evening A2 discovered a colony of ants devouring a legless zebra animal cracker carelessly discarded by A3 at some point in the day. A2 was enthralled by her discovery. She squatted down to investigate more closely. She studied them for several minutes.
Then she got an idea...
I quickly went to the kitchen upon hearing banging only to find A2 smashing ants with a rubber hammer. She looked up at me and smiled as she said, "This is the best day ever since I get to kill stuff." I was instantly disturbed when I realized how much she was enjoying the mass murder. I was raising a psychopath! What do I do now? I was at a loss, so I sat back and observed...
The large scale annihilation lasted a few more rounds before she seemed bored. She then got a new cracker and placed it on the floor and watched as the survivors ran to the new food trap. She waited until the cracker was covered with her next victims and she deviously cackled. Then in a creepy high pitched voice she said, "Hello ants. Mommy's home." and the ant battering continued.
A
I planned on calling some of my therapist friends to make an appointment so they can fix whatever I had done wrong to make her enjoy death so much however this morning she made me change my mind. I asked A2 if she would want to vacuum the newest trail of ants searching for food. She looked at me as if I was crazy and said, "No, that would kill them."
Phew... maybe she is normal after all.
OR is this a sign of multiple personalities?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)