Even though I knew it was only a matter of time before her "Learning Differences" caught up with her, I still got emotional reading the email from her teacher. I joked with two of my friends who were lucky enough to be with me when I read the email. I told them between fake sobs that this pointed out that my kid wasn't perfect.
They knew this wasn't true. I am one of the first to admit and embrace my girls' imperfections. (And share them, so all my friends can have a good laugh!) The truth is, I got emotional because I felt like a failure after reading that email. My irrational side took over and started telling me all kinds of ugly things;
"You didn't do enough for A2 when she was littler." She is the middle child, so maybe I really have been neglecting her.
"You should have taken her to the library more often." Truthfully, I have probably only taken her to the library a handful of times, but anyone who has ever been to our house will tell you my book addiction is real. The girls have plenty of books and we read them all the time. I just can't handle the stress of the library with kids. Finding parking, lugging them in, keeping them quiet, keeping track of the books we get, returning them on time; none of those are my "thing."
"You are a special education teacher; you, of all people, should have been able to help her. Maybe, in addition to being a bad parent, you are also a bad teacher." I keep my magic wand at school.
"You are too selfish with your time and need to spend more time with A2." Seriously, the only time I am away from the girls at night is when I am directing the musical at the high school, and that is only a few nights a week for 8 weeks.
"You should have eaten better while you were pregnant with A2; you needed more folic acid." Ok, this could be true... Not much folic acid offered at the Golden Arches.
These ugly "blames" kept replaying in my mind, causing be to feel like a complete failure as a parent. This continued for several hours until a very wise friend straightened me out. She told me to think about all the families I have worked with throughout all the years I had been teaching. She asked me to think about my favorite families. Coincidentally, most of my favorites have at least 3 kids. Many, not all, have 3 girls... Must be why they are my favorites. Then my friend asked if I blamed the parents for their child's learning issue. No, of course I didn't! For whatever reason these things happen. Some people just learn different and need extra help. Who would blame the parents? Wait... I see what she did...
My rational side started to fight back. It isn't my fault she is struggling. This is just the way her brain works with the information being delivered the way it is in a normal classroom setting. Her brain needs a different way. Good news for A2, her brain will get a different way.
As I sat in the quiet house this morning before the girls woke up, I started thinking about the families I have worked with in the past and I wonder if they went through the same feelings I did. If they did, how did they get past those blames? Have they gotten past them? Maybe I am the only one with those irrational blames, but I have a hunch I am not.
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| A2 being A2; the very best person she can be! |
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