Kids are gross. I mean they are super disgusting little creatures. Well at least mine are...
I just witnessed A1 laugh so hard she shot a snot rocket across the room at A2. Then, even though A2 is the nose pickin' booger eater of the crew she has a very weak stomach and gagged until she threw up a little. This is just a normal gross night for me.
Last week A2 came downstairs to complain about an earache. My first reaction was to not-so-calmly remind her that it was past her bedtime and return her to her room. After she returned she informed me that she thought she might have something in her ear. I tried to tell her she didn't have anything in her ear but she insisted she did because SHE PUT a toilet paper ball in her ear. I looked in her ear and I didn't see anything. Then I pulled her ear a little and I saw a small tip of paper.
I began to panic. It was after 9:00. A1 and A3 were asleep. Mac wasn't home from rehearsal. My mom wasn't home to call for advice. I was going to have to be the grown up and handle this one on my own. So I did what any rational parent would do, I went to Facebook for help, suggestions, and support. It took too long for the ideas to come in so I decided I would play a real life came of Operation. I sent A2 upstairs to search for tweezers. I rationalized that it was a way to make her think about this upcoming torture but really I was just lazy and my legs hurt from T25.
She returned and was slightly hyperventilating. To add to the drama I told her she had to lay perfectly still because if she moved I could hurt her ear and make it bleed. She jumped up and said that she thought it would be a good idea to wait until we could go see Dr. Jones in the morning. I made her lay back down because I didn't want to pay that $30 copay, if I didn't have to, plus I was feeling slightly competitive and wanted to win Real-Life-Operation.
I had to rig a flashlight between my chin and chest so I could see what I was doing. I went in with the tweezers. I was a little nervous since I don't have very steady hands and because this was her ear... I grabbed the TP and a small ear hair and pulled. She screamed and jerked. I screamed and dropped the TP. I told her I would try just one more time then if I couldn't get it I would take her to the dr. She allowed one more try.
My shaky hand went for the TP ball. My eyes started to cross from the intense concentration. I slowly grabbed the TP. I managed to get only the TP this time. Success. As the TP emerged it revealed itself to be the size of a small bouncy ball. A2 was really impressed by all the ear wax. She talked about the ear wax for way too long. She asked to keep the TP ball. I revealed my weakness and gagged. Now she will randomly look at me and say, "Ear Wax" and laughs as I shiver.
Boogers are gross. Snot is gross. Vomit is gross. Ear wax is gross. Kids are gross.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Parent Teacher Conference Time
Parent teacher conferences are the perfect time to remind you that your child is growing up. That your little "baby" is now able to things you never dreamed of...
I mean really does anyone dream of their child adding and subtracting multiple digit numbers or being able to read a nutrition label? Maybe people do but I certainly don't!
Conference time is a time to remind you that you are no longer the coolest, prettiest, most influential person in your child's life, as A1 was more than willing to point out the night before my conference. She wanted me to know that her teacher was much prettier than me. On a scale of 1 to 100, her teacher was a 99 and I was a 10. Why did I get such a low rating? Because I wouldn't take her to get ice cream... That weak attempt at cruelty didn't do anything to make be change my mind. I would assume a teacher who has only taught for 3 years, has no children at home, and is 10 years younger than me would look prettier. She wouldn't have that semi-permanent look of exhaustion that only slightly eases itself towards the end of June. She wouldn't have stress grays or stress wrinkles. She should still look young and fresh.
Conference time is also a chance to remind you that your children are good because of you and in spite of you. Just because A1 is a couch potato and LOVES watching tv, which may or may not have been influenced by my love of tv watching, she is still excelling in school. She is at or above grade level in all subjects. Phew!
Conference time is, most importantly, a time to remind you to watch what you say in front of your children...
The teacher began with, "I have to tell you a funny story about A1. Last Wednesday she came up to me with her face a little red and said, 'Mrs. B, did you fart?'" My stomach did a little flip-flop because I knew exactly where this story was going. All I could do was sit there red faced, wide eyed, with my hand pressed against my mouth. She continued, "Then I said, 'No, A1 Why would you ask that? Then A1 smiled and said, 'Cause you are really blowing me away. I have never had a student say anything like that before. I thought it was so funny. Then she went to the nurse and told her the same thing."
GREAT! I had two choices fess up or blame Mac. He wasn't there so he wouldn't be able to defend himself... BUT I am a really bad liar and it would probably be worse if I sat there and lied to the teacher, who is much prettier than I am, about my immature sense of humor. I went with the truth. I confessed that A1 overheard me telling Mac about my student who said that to me and how I found it to be hilarious. I recall A1 laughing while I told the story but I assumed it was because I said the word "fart" not because her devious wheels were turning as she planned on sharing the joke with the adults in her school.
Luckily her teacher also finds humor in fart jokes. Unfortunately A1 will always be known as "A1-the girl who told the fart joke." When I got home A1 asked how it went. I started with, "So I hear your teacher blows you away." After the giggles died down we started our lesson on inappropriate things you shouldn't say to your teacher, even if your super immature mom thinks they are hilarious.
Thank goodness for Parent Teacher Conferences!
I mean really does anyone dream of their child adding and subtracting multiple digit numbers or being able to read a nutrition label? Maybe people do but I certainly don't!
Conference time is a time to remind you that you are no longer the coolest, prettiest, most influential person in your child's life, as A1 was more than willing to point out the night before my conference. She wanted me to know that her teacher was much prettier than me. On a scale of 1 to 100, her teacher was a 99 and I was a 10. Why did I get such a low rating? Because I wouldn't take her to get ice cream... That weak attempt at cruelty didn't do anything to make be change my mind. I would assume a teacher who has only taught for 3 years, has no children at home, and is 10 years younger than me would look prettier. She wouldn't have that semi-permanent look of exhaustion that only slightly eases itself towards the end of June. She wouldn't have stress grays or stress wrinkles. She should still look young and fresh.
Conference time is also a chance to remind you that your children are good because of you and in spite of you. Just because A1 is a couch potato and LOVES watching tv, which may or may not have been influenced by my love of tv watching, she is still excelling in school. She is at or above grade level in all subjects. Phew!
Conference time is, most importantly, a time to remind you to watch what you say in front of your children...
The teacher began with, "I have to tell you a funny story about A1. Last Wednesday she came up to me with her face a little red and said, 'Mrs. B, did you fart?'" My stomach did a little flip-flop because I knew exactly where this story was going. All I could do was sit there red faced, wide eyed, with my hand pressed against my mouth. She continued, "Then I said, 'No, A1 Why would you ask that? Then A1 smiled and said, 'Cause you are really blowing me away. I have never had a student say anything like that before. I thought it was so funny. Then she went to the nurse and told her the same thing."
GREAT! I had two choices fess up or blame Mac. He wasn't there so he wouldn't be able to defend himself... BUT I am a really bad liar and it would probably be worse if I sat there and lied to the teacher, who is much prettier than I am, about my immature sense of humor. I went with the truth. I confessed that A1 overheard me telling Mac about my student who said that to me and how I found it to be hilarious. I recall A1 laughing while I told the story but I assumed it was because I said the word "fart" not because her devious wheels were turning as she planned on sharing the joke with the adults in her school.
Luckily her teacher also finds humor in fart jokes. Unfortunately A1 will always be known as "A1-the girl who told the fart joke." When I got home A1 asked how it went. I started with, "So I hear your teacher blows you away." After the giggles died down we started our lesson on inappropriate things you shouldn't say to your teacher, even if your super immature mom thinks they are hilarious.
Thank goodness for Parent Teacher Conferences!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Car Ride Confessionals
Some of our best conversations happen in the car, which is good since I feel like I spend most of my evenings with the girls in the car. If I ever need A1 to spill her guts, all it takes is a milkshake and a cruise around town. As she gets older, I hope this car ride confessional continues to work!
Tonight's confession didn't even require a milkshake and came quite unexpectedly. Innocently, A1 piped up from the backseat, "Mom sometimes when I see W," a cute little tow head from her soccer team and school, "I get a funny feeling."
Initially, I was unable to respond to her since I had to suck my cheeks in and bite my lips to prevent laughs from sneaking out. She repeated the same sentence. I finally managed to ask, "Is it because you like him?"
I glanced in the rear view mirror in time to see her pondering my question. She responded honestly, "I think I just like him as a friend but I just don't understand this tingly feeling in my stomach."
Oh boy!
Tonight's confession didn't even require a milkshake and came quite unexpectedly. Innocently, A1 piped up from the backseat, "Mom sometimes when I see W," a cute little tow head from her soccer team and school, "I get a funny feeling."
Initially, I was unable to respond to her since I had to suck my cheeks in and bite my lips to prevent laughs from sneaking out. She repeated the same sentence. I finally managed to ask, "Is it because you like him?"
I glanced in the rear view mirror in time to see her pondering my question. She responded honestly, "I think I just like him as a friend but I just don't understand this tingly feeling in my stomach."
Oh boy!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Trying to Understand
I really need to work on not being a perfectionist. I need to work on being ok with being mediocre. Today I got two notes from A1's teacher that shouldn't have sent me over the edge the way they did. The first was a note explaining that the class had earned a pajama party for good behavior. I wasn't mad that they were having a party just annoyed that I got the note on Monday and the party was on Tuesday. I was upset because plan the girls' outfits for the entire week on Sunday and I hadn't planned on pajamas for Tuesday. How could something this silly set me off? I knew I wouldn't be able to find pajamas for A1 to wear to school in the morning. The girls really don't have any summer pajamas, at least something they could wear and be comfortable in on a 90* day. It is a well known fact that our thermostat is set at "arctic" so when the girls actually put pajamas on they are wearing flannel pajamas. I knew A1 would be upset that she didn't have anything to wear. I didn't want to disappoint her. So I decided to squeeze a trip to Target to buy A1 pajamas for tomorrow into my crazy busy night... I understand that this is my own doing. I understand that I didn't have to go to the store. I understand that A1 would be ok if she didn't have any pajamas to wear to school. I understand that I put myself under this stress.
The second note, "Hurray! Your Child is Student of the Week!" was met with abnormal amounts of anger and grumpiness. Was I mad that A1 was student of the week? No way! I was just feeling the pressure of completing all the tasks that came along with it. Tonight she had to complete 3 different "All About Me" posters. We worked on these while we drove to dance, drove to the store, drove back to dance, drove home and then before bed. A1 had to stay up 30 minutes after her normal bedtime to finish the posters. Most of this was me having her correct misspellings. I couldn't let her turn in her poster with words spelled wrong. I understand that my issue with the homework is really an issue I have with me. I understand that A1 misspelling a word doesn't make less of a mom. I understand that I need to let it go!
A1 got me to come back to reality by offering these wise words "But Mom, B can read my "strawberry" so that means probably everyone else will be able to read my strawberry too unless they have eye problems but then they won't be able to read it even if it was spelled right anyway." Good point. Letting it go.
The second note, "Hurray! Your Child is Student of the Week!" was met with abnormal amounts of anger and grumpiness. Was I mad that A1 was student of the week? No way! I was just feeling the pressure of completing all the tasks that came along with it. Tonight she had to complete 3 different "All About Me" posters. We worked on these while we drove to dance, drove to the store, drove back to dance, drove home and then before bed. A1 had to stay up 30 minutes after her normal bedtime to finish the posters. Most of this was me having her correct misspellings. I couldn't let her turn in her poster with words spelled wrong. I understand that my issue with the homework is really an issue I have with me. I understand that A1 misspelling a word doesn't make less of a mom. I understand that I need to let it go!
A1 got me to come back to reality by offering these wise words "But Mom, B can read my "strawberry" so that means probably everyone else will be able to read my strawberry too unless they have eye problems but then they won't be able to read it even if it was spelled right anyway." Good point. Letting it go.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Gen H Problems
With childhood obesity becoming an epidemic schools have been forced to educate students on healthy eating choices. While I think this is good, I am a little concerned about the message it is sending. A1, who has a tendency to become obsessed over what should be simple and meaningless things, has really taken to reading nutrition labels. Anytime she sees food with a label on it she will read the number of calories and then the number of sugars. After she will ask how long she will need to exercise to get rid of the calories. Sometimes she will ask for an alternative if she feels like the snack has too many calories. At first this may seem like a great problem but I am really concerned that she is trying to eliminate all calories and sugars. I told her that her body needs a certain number of calories to live and she told me she knew that but she didn't want to get fat. She said that would be the worst thing that could happen to her. When she saw my disapproving single raised eyebrow she reconsidered her previous comment and said she just didn't want people to look at her like she was an idiot for getting fat.
I took a deep breath and before I could say anything A2 piped in with, "A1, some people are just fat. That is how God made them. God doesn't think they are idiots. Look at me I am chubby. I have chubby cheeks, chubby fingers, chubby hair, and a chubby tummy but I am not an idiot." This made the water works flow and they continued as A1 said, "Well you are chubby but you are cute. When you are little it is ok to be chubby."
URGH! I have worked so hard to present positive body image messages for the girls. We talk about making healthy choices for healthy hearts not so we won't be fat. We exercise so we feel good not because we don't like ourselves. I am conscientious not to focus on reading labels in front of the girls. Honestly, they are kids and they don't need to worry about what a label says. That is my job! I don't regularly buy junk to feed the girls. I make sure they get fruit and vegetables with every meal. I make sure they have decent portion size. It is MY job to worry about calories and sugars.
Why do second grade students, who don't have the means to drive to the store and purchase food, need to even be concerned about reading nutrition labels? It makes me sick that A1 is requesting water at milk break because the calories are kind of high on the side of the milk carton. I know that it is important to start early teaching healthy behaviors but I am not feeling this one! I think this is sending the wrong message to kids, especially girls. I feel like I have to work extra hard to unteach these Gen H lessons. I feel like I have to work extra hard to be allowed to be the parent and make the responsible choices for my daughters.
I am worried that this is just a bad beginning...
I took a deep breath and before I could say anything A2 piped in with, "A1, some people are just fat. That is how God made them. God doesn't think they are idiots. Look at me I am chubby. I have chubby cheeks, chubby fingers, chubby hair, and a chubby tummy but I am not an idiot." This made the water works flow and they continued as A1 said, "Well you are chubby but you are cute. When you are little it is ok to be chubby."
URGH! I have worked so hard to present positive body image messages for the girls. We talk about making healthy choices for healthy hearts not so we won't be fat. We exercise so we feel good not because we don't like ourselves. I am conscientious not to focus on reading labels in front of the girls. Honestly, they are kids and they don't need to worry about what a label says. That is my job! I don't regularly buy junk to feed the girls. I make sure they get fruit and vegetables with every meal. I make sure they have decent portion size. It is MY job to worry about calories and sugars.
Why do second grade students, who don't have the means to drive to the store and purchase food, need to even be concerned about reading nutrition labels? It makes me sick that A1 is requesting water at milk break because the calories are kind of high on the side of the milk carton. I know that it is important to start early teaching healthy behaviors but I am not feeling this one! I think this is sending the wrong message to kids, especially girls. I feel like I have to work extra hard to unteach these Gen H lessons. I feel like I have to work extra hard to be allowed to be the parent and make the responsible choices for my daughters.
I am worried that this is just a bad beginning...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Lesson Learned
I have felt particularly feisty this week. I have found myself in strange situations where I have had to deal with confrontations head on and be extra firm with my beliefs. These feelings took over my better judgement while in line at Walmart.
Typically when I am shopping I am able to put my blinders on and I completely ignore anything and everything that is going on around me. It is safer that way. This week I wasn't able to stay in the zone. I let the judgmental condescending woman in line in front of me irritate the snot out of me. I was doing ok until she starting to loudly talk down about the woman in front of us. Crabby lady made a comment about how all 5 of her children had to have different dads and it wasn't right for us to be paying for her children's food. I know the mother heard her and I was embarrassed that she was talking to me. Then the cashier had to call for help reloading her receipt tape to which Crabby lady told the cashier that it was ridiculous that she had to ask for help.
When I wasn't biting on any of her conversation starters she decided to try to talk to me about my children. She asked me if A2 and our neighbor girl, who was lucky enough to join our adventure, were twins. I just smiled and said, "No, they are 10 months apart." The woman just raised her eyebrows and disapprovingly said, "Oh." I was pleased that this judgmental crabby lady incorrectly thought that I popped out 2 kids within 10 months of each other. She then smiled at the girls and asked where they got their pretty curls. Beautiful she so just walked into this...
I smiled and pointed at A2 and said, "My husband," I pointed at our little friend and said, "my neighbor." I was starting to giggle to myself as the woman's jaw dropped as she assumed the worst from me. A2 helped my story by innocently adding, "Yea, we got them from our dads." Thanks A2 for always having to explain where you got those gorgeous blonde curls. Crabby lady didn't even respond to A2, she just turned around and was absolutely quiet the rest of our time together.
I am not sure if she really learned a lesson or if she just thought I was beneath her and couldn't talk to me any more but the teacher in me would like to think she learned a little something from the A Team that day. ;)
Typically when I am shopping I am able to put my blinders on and I completely ignore anything and everything that is going on around me. It is safer that way. This week I wasn't able to stay in the zone. I let the judgmental condescending woman in line in front of me irritate the snot out of me. I was doing ok until she starting to loudly talk down about the woman in front of us. Crabby lady made a comment about how all 5 of her children had to have different dads and it wasn't right for us to be paying for her children's food. I know the mother heard her and I was embarrassed that she was talking to me. Then the cashier had to call for help reloading her receipt tape to which Crabby lady told the cashier that it was ridiculous that she had to ask for help.
When I wasn't biting on any of her conversation starters she decided to try to talk to me about my children. She asked me if A2 and our neighbor girl, who was lucky enough to join our adventure, were twins. I just smiled and said, "No, they are 10 months apart." The woman just raised her eyebrows and disapprovingly said, "Oh." I was pleased that this judgmental crabby lady incorrectly thought that I popped out 2 kids within 10 months of each other. She then smiled at the girls and asked where they got their pretty curls. Beautiful she so just walked into this...
I smiled and pointed at A2 and said, "My husband," I pointed at our little friend and said, "my neighbor." I was starting to giggle to myself as the woman's jaw dropped as she assumed the worst from me. A2 helped my story by innocently adding, "Yea, we got them from our dads." Thanks A2 for always having to explain where you got those gorgeous blonde curls. Crabby lady didn't even respond to A2, she just turned around and was absolutely quiet the rest of our time together.
I am not sure if she really learned a lesson or if she just thought I was beneath her and couldn't talk to me any more but the teacher in me would like to think she learned a little something from the A Team that day. ;)
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Pick Your Pony
The girls and I were enjoying a little quiet time watching My Little Pony. A1 and A2 are considering dressing up as My Little Ponies for Halloween so I was asking which one was their favorite. We turned it into a game. I would have to guess which pony is their favorite and tell them why.
I guessed A1 would choose Pinkie Pie because she is a super girly pony. A1 was obviously offended by this remark. Her favorite is Applejack because she has an accent and is nice. After watching the full episode I think I would have to agree she is a lot like Applejack; traditional, kind, and a little stubborn...
I guessed A2 would choose Rainbow Dash who is tomboyish, bold, and loyal to her friends. A2 agreed that Rainbow Dash was her favorite. Nailed it!
Now it was the girls turn to guess my favorite pony. A2 guessed Twilight Sparkle because she is purple. Hmmm... good guess, good rationale. I'm impressed but that isn't it. A1 picked Fluttershy. WHAT!?! How did she do that? Her reason is the most impressive of all. (At least I think so)
She said she knew it would be Fluttershy because we are the most a like. "You are both chicken on the outside but a BEAST on the inside. You aren't someone to mess with because you will kick some booty just like Fluttershy."
It is always interesting to see yourself through your kids eyes. This movie turned character analysis was particularly educational. Not only did I learn that my A1 sees me as a little afraid but brave when I need to be but I also learned I know WAY to much about My Little Ponies and I need to get out more...
I guessed A1 would choose Pinkie Pie because she is a super girly pony. A1 was obviously offended by this remark. Her favorite is Applejack because she has an accent and is nice. After watching the full episode I think I would have to agree she is a lot like Applejack; traditional, kind, and a little stubborn...
I guessed A2 would choose Rainbow Dash who is tomboyish, bold, and loyal to her friends. A2 agreed that Rainbow Dash was her favorite. Nailed it!
Now it was the girls turn to guess my favorite pony. A2 guessed Twilight Sparkle because she is purple. Hmmm... good guess, good rationale. I'm impressed but that isn't it. A1 picked Fluttershy. WHAT!?! How did she do that? Her reason is the most impressive of all. (At least I think so)
She said she knew it would be Fluttershy because we are the most a like. "You are both chicken on the outside but a BEAST on the inside. You aren't someone to mess with because you will kick some booty just like Fluttershy."
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