That Moment

That moment you sit down, look in the mirror, and see your head on your grandma's body...
Not that there is anything wrong with my grandma's body. I am sure it is quite average for someone in her 70's; and honestly, that is what I would want, to be quite average in my 70's. However; I am not in my 70's, so my 36 29 year old head on a 70-something body is not what I want. 

This happened to me a few months ago and I stopped looking in the mirror. I mean I still look in the mirror to make sure my hair is presentable and the food crumbs are off my face, but I stopped really looking in the mirror. It was easier not to see how I have changed over the years, even just the last year.

I know what I need to do get myself back to having the body of an average 30 something. I know what I have to change in order to fit comfortably back in my average size medium slightly out of style clothes.

• I need to actually push play on all of those awesome Beach Body DVDs I buy. I need to listen my friend Shaun T. I need to get moving. I need to get outside, but that will have to wait until May and possibly June.
• I need to eat better. No more corndogs for breakfast. This has happened more than I really should admit... No more daily visits to my McDonald's. No more eating food just because it is there. The teacher's workroom can be a dangerous place, especially when you work with people who are great cooks! 
• I need more sleep. I have always been someone who needed a ton of sleep. Lately, I have been going to bed after 11 PM and getting up at 5AM. This is not enough sleep for me, especially when someone from the A Team wakes me up at 3AM.
• I need to find a better way to deal with stress. Starbursts are not the answer.
• I need to stop with the soda. Why in the world do I continue to drink that stuff that ends up hurting my stomach? I am stuck in a cycle where I stop drinking it, start drinking it, increase the number I have each day, drink 5+ sodas a day, end up doubled over in pain, stop drinking soda, start drinking it, increase the number...
• I need to eat more vegetables; fries and potato chips don't count.
• I need to eat more fruits; Skittles and Starbursts don't count.
• I need to drink more water See Mrs. C, I did pay attention last year in your science class!

I know what I should do, but the problem is actually doing those things. Why can't I make myself stop with the soda? Why can't I go to bed earlier ok, so I have 3 perfectly good reasons why I am not going to bed earlier... Why can't I plan ahead and eat a real breakfast? Why don't I have the motivation to follow through? Why can't I love myself more than I love food?

I know I should be like Nike and "just do it." That was Nike, right? Starting today I am going to pick one of the things I need to do and just do it.  Then, once I have some success, I will add another until I have all of my need to's added. I am starting with drink more water. This one should be easiest to do! 

Except I will start tomorrow.  It is too late at night to be adding water to this 70 something body, my 30 something head told me so...

Future Plans

Periodically I like to check in with the girls on their plans for the future.  I like to reassure myself that I am doing a good enough job being mean enough to make the girls want to move out and support themselves. After the most recent "check-in", I think I need to increase my meanness!

A1 typically responds with a list of 10-15 totally unrelated jobs that she wants to do at the same time. Dancing-doctor-hairdresser-soup cooker was my favorite. This time when I asked she got all weepy and told me it was too stressful to think about a job. She has too many more important things to worry about like multiplication or if so and so is still mad at her.  She was thinking that maybe she should just stop worrying about finding a job and look for a husband instead... at least she had a plan on how she was going to pay her bills. Then she added "or maybe I will just date some guys and live with you forever." NO! That is not a good plan! Just what exactly are you looking for in a husband? I will help you look. 

A2 had a real plan. She wants to get a job working at McDonald's, so she could see me everyday... I have nothing else to say about this.

For the first time A3 got to participate in my attempt at brainwashing. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: "What are you going to do when you grow up?"
A3: "Cry."
Me: "Cry, why are you going to cry?"
A3: "I miss my mama."
Me: "But you will have a job, what will your job be?"
A3: "No, I not have a job." Then she started laughing at me.

I need a new game plan. I am failing at getting them excited to move out...

Social Media PSA

*Warning, this is not the normal funny post about the A Team... This is a passive aggressive PSA aimed at all the young people using social media.

I am not in my happy place while I write this. (ok, so I am physically in my happy place at home sitting in my recliner under a warm blanket in front of the tv, but I am not in my emotional happy place.) It was brought to my attention earlier tonight, that someone, a student, posted something about me on a social media app. I won't mention the app, but it was one that Good Morning America warned parents to monitor, because it is only used as a bullying app. Now, this post wasn't directly about me, but it is about the musical that I am directing. I know that I shouldn't let these things bother me, but the comment really made me question why I direct. Why do I spend time with students who clearly, based on this comment, don't want to be there, when I could be spending time with my A Team, who, for the time being want me around?

I guess the cowardly, anonymous comment hurt because of the amount of time and energy I spend working on the show. I spend almost 15 hours setting the schedule alone; trying to work around sport schedules and other extra curricular activities that students place as a higher priority. Then there are the countless hours I spend at rehearsal each night. The hours I spend working on the sets, costumes, and programs. The hours of work the students never think about. The hours of time I am away from my girls.  

While I sat around feeling sorry for myself and unappreciated, I put on my investigator hat. Big mistake. I decided to check out some of the social media accounts of some of the students in our show in an attempt to figure out who would leave this comment. I really wish I wouldn't have, because I am afraid it hurt my opinion of these kids. I was shocked by the language, the disrespect, and the pictures.  Some of the students who posted things are people I had very high opinions of and would have trusted with watching my girls. Now I am not so sure.

I know the students have heard the messages about being careful about what you post because it will haunt you later in your life. Almost every middle school through high school teacher has had to lecture about this topic at one time or another. I am sure students are tired of hearing the lectures and the warnings. We are probably sounding like the teachers on Peanuts.

Well congratulations, my young friends, you have just earned another lecture.

A Team Social Media Rules to Live By:

1. Parents check your child's social media activities. What are they posting? What is the image they are sending out for everyone to see? What if every status or picture was printed on a shirt. Would you let your child walk around at church, a family reunion, or wedding wearing the things they are posting? No? Then don't let them post it!

2. Kids Young adults, think before you post. Would you want to wear the things you are posting to church, a family reunion, to school, or to a job interview? No? Then DON'T post it!  

3. Don't be destructive. Is what you are writing going to destroy someone? Is it going to destroy you? By writing your feelings about a class or a teacher, will you destroy your reputation with that teacher or any teacher who could read it? If you are writing something about someone, will it ruin their day if they read it? If if was written about you, would it crush your heart? Yes? Then don't write it!

4. Don't be gross. Is the picture you are posting appropriate? Is the picture something you would proudly show your grandparents? Is the picture Christmas card worthy? Is the picture something you would show your future children? Is the picture something you would want to see your future children doing? No? Then don't post it!

5. If you are having trouble understanding these rules, put your phones and computers away.  You aren't ready for social media!

Once you post something it is on the internet for anyone and everyone to see from now until forever. Your current teachers, future teachers, employers, future employers, your future in laws, and even your future children and grandchildren. Do you want your grandchildren to think you were a trashy gross teenager? NO WAY!
In all seriousness, be smart about what you put on twitter, facebook, and all other social media outlets. You will only end up hurting yourself in the end.

Oh, and P.S. This year's musical won't suck donkey balls.

The A Team Teaches History

Knowing that Mac is a self proclaimed History Buff and history is my fourth best subject on Trivia Crack, it is natural to assume that our children would be history geniuses.

Not so much.

History according to the A Team:

A2 was so excited to tell us about the guy she learned about in school yesterday. His name was Arthur and he was a king. She wasn't exactly sure where he was a king at, but he helped people ride buses. He didn't help all people, just people with skin.

ummmm...

A1, on the other hand, had all the facts.  She knew exactly what Martin Luther King Jr did and why it was important. She could recite most of his "I Have a Dream" speech. She even had a song she learned in music and beautifully sang it, without giving me those nails on a chalk board goose bumps I get when I hear certain noises. (violins, some soprano voices, dry erase markers not held properly when writing, crunching snow, cheap mechanical pencils, etc) I was totally convinced that A1 might just be our history guru and then she asked me, "Where Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln best friends?"

Oy vey!

Maybe history just isn't their "thing."

Oh, if you have any questions about the Mayflower and pilgrims, I recommend asking A2.  I learned new facts. Did you know the kids on the Mayflower were a bunch of drunks? Me neither. 

Ugly Blames

It happened. I got the email. The one I suspected was coming before A2 even started school. The email letting me know she qualified for extra reading help.

Even though I knew it was only a matter of time before her "Learning Differences" caught up with her, I still got emotional reading the email from her teacher. I joked with two of my friends who were lucky enough to be with me when I read the email. I told them between fake sobs that this pointed out that my kid wasn't perfect.

They knew this wasn't true. I am one of the first to admit and embrace my girls' imperfections. (And share them, so all my friends can have a good laugh!) The truth is, I got emotional because I felt like a failure after reading that email. My irrational side took over and started telling me all kinds of ugly things;

"You didn't do enough for A2 when she was littler." She is the middle child, so maybe I really have been neglecting her. 

"You should have taken her to the library more often." Truthfully, I have probably only taken her to the library a handful of times, but anyone who has ever been to our house will tell you my book addiction is real. The girls have plenty of books and we read them all the time. I just can't handle the stress of the library with kids. Finding parking, lugging them in, keeping them quiet, keeping track of the books we get, returning them on time; none of those are my "thing." 

"You are a special education teacher; you, of all people, should have been able to help her. Maybe, in addition to being a bad parent, you are also a bad teacher." I keep my magic wand at school.

"You are too selfish with your time and need to spend more time with A2." Seriously, the only time I am away from the girls at night is when I am directing the musical at the high school, and that is only a few nights a week for 8 weeks. 

"You should have eaten better while you were pregnant with A2; you needed more folic acid." Ok, this could be true... Not much folic acid offered at the Golden Arches.

These ugly "blames" kept replaying in my mind, causing be to feel like a complete failure as a parent. This continued for several hours until a very wise friend straightened me out. She told me to think about all the families I have worked with throughout all the years I had been teaching.  She asked me to think about my favorite families. Coincidentally, most of my favorites have at least 3 kids. Many, not all, have 3 girls... Must be why they are my favorites. Then my friend asked if I blamed the parents for their child's learning issue. No, of course I didn't! For whatever reason these things happen. Some people just learn different and need extra help. Who would blame the parents? Wait... I see what she did...

My rational side started to fight back.  It isn't my fault she is struggling. This is just the way her brain works with the information being delivered the way it is in a normal classroom setting.  Her brain needs a different way. Good news for A2, her brain will get a different way.

As I sat in the quiet house this morning before the girls woke up, I started thinking about the families I have worked with in the past and I wonder if they went through the same feelings I did. If they did, how did they get past those blames? Have they gotten past them? Maybe I am the only one with those irrational blames, but I have a hunch I am not.

A2 being A2; the very best person she can be!

Lessons Learned 1-5-15

From every experience we are taught lessons. This afternoon and tonight were no different. 

What I learned on January 5, 2015:

1. Humans don't make good piggy banks. 

To be honest, I already knew this, but it seems A3 needed to learn this one. 

2. Washing your hands while you are in the ER is a great idea. 

This isn't for hygiene. It is strictly for entertainment purposes. We were left in an ER room for about 5 hours while we waited for an OR to open up. At about the 3.5 hour mark our phones were dead and the only channel we got on the TV had the news. We were hurting for entertainment. A3 and I washed our hands five times. It was fun.  

3. When a doctor says something along the lines of "Don't worry we will have you in and out right away" you are doomed. If a doctor gives you a specific time something will happen, you better look for a hidden camera. No doubt you are on some practical joke show. 

When we got to the hospital at 2pm, a doctor met us because we had already been through a lot and A3's pediatrician insisted. This doctor cursed us with, "Don't worry this will be a quick procedure. We will make sure you are in and out. The surgery should take place by 4:00 and you will be home by 5:00."  Then another doctor met us in the room at 2:45 "We will call you up in just a few minutes."  Then a third doctor called to see it will be a little bit." 

Finally, at 7:00pm A3 was taken in for surgery. We were home by 9:30. 

4. A3 will not make a fun party girl. 

This kid terrified me as she woke up from being sedated. She was a two year old ball of anger. Nothing made her happy. Then we got home and she was bouncing off the walls and talking nonsense. She got mad because I wouldn't get in her crib with her... Then laughed until her eyes filled with tears. She was crazy. 

5. Having great friends and family close is the best thing, EVER.

While I was still gathering my thoughts after getting Mac's text, I had friends in my room comforting me, helping me, offering to give me a ride to meet up with Mac and A3, and basically doing my thinking for me. I had friends offering to come to the hospital to sit with me, checking on the rest of the A Team, and offering to take care of things tomorrow. We had family members pick up the girls, feed them, entertain them, drive them home, and get them ready for bed. We had family stop in to check on A3. We had family stop in and bring Mac ibuprofen. Thanks to our family and friends we were taken care of while we were taking care of A3. 

Tonight we learned a lot, but most important: DON'T EAT NICKELS! 

2015 Resolutions

A few years ago the girls and I started a tradition of making New Year's Resolutions together.  Generally they are lighthearted and reflect the girls' personalities; wear more dresses, dance more, eat more pie, (Ok, so that is mine every year...) and basically just be themselves more.  I always enjoy hearing what they have to say; hearing about the things that are most important to them right now.  

This year is different. Most of their resolutions were about ways of changing their physical appearance or changing their personalities. Ways to make them more whatever someone else has told them to be. I am totally bummed about this change from just last year. 

A1

Go to the beach and go deep sea diving.

No you don't.  I know you too well.  You would not do deep sea diving. There are real live creatures that live in that water. I can imagine the panicked screaming that would follow us saying, "Jump in." Ok... Just kidding! That would totally be me screaming! Go for it, just take your dad with you.

Get my teeth whitened. 

This was the knife in the heart. What 8 year old worries about having white teeth? I know a few kids told her her teeth were disgusting, because they were yellow. They also said they didn't want her to talk to them, because it made them gag.  Sorry A1, this is just your genetics, the way you were made. Plus, with your beautiful porcelain skin, your teeth will have trouble competing for the whitest thing on your face. 

Get mad less. 

While I secretly like this one, it still makes me ache because I know that she isn't happy with herself and the way she naturally reacts. Again, A1, blame genetics for this...

A2

Play with my American Girl more. 

Since you just got it for Christmas, I am positive you will play with it more in 2015 than you did in 2014. 

Grow my hair out and get my curls back.

Here she goes starting to twist that knife A1 stabbed in my heart. I miss her curls too, but I think her hair is adorable the way it is, especially when she lets me brush it. She is always complaining that she is the only one in her class with short hair and she wishes she didn't have "boy" hair. I am not sure where she got the idea that her hair is "boy" hair. It really isn't that short. 

Not be so fat. Get rid of my fat face, my fat belly, and my fat legs.

There it is; the death blow. She left me speechless. It kills me that at 5 she worries about being fat. I'm at a loss as to what to tell her or what to do for her. She compares herself to A1, who has a totally different body type. She doesn't understand. I don't understand how to make her understand.

A3

She didn't have any to add this year.  I am sure by this time next year, she will have a lot to tell us.  A1, A2, and I came up with a few for her.  I am sure she will be more than willing to work on all of these.

Share mommy. 

Screaming at people not to talk to or hug mommy is not cool, especially when you are at a visitation.

Get rid of your pacifier. 

This summer.

Clean up your potty mouth. 

Genetics?

Me

Be happy with me and show the girls that I am.

Teach the girls to love themselves the way they are, while working on healthy ways to improve things that could be better.

I want to do the best for the girls. I don't want them to hurt. I want to put them in a little bubble and protect them from everything negative. Now it seems I need to start protecting them from their own negative thoughts. Being a mom is tough. Being a mom to girls is really tough. Being a mom to the A Team is really tough but rewarding.