If you stop by our house anytime between now and November, there is a good chance you will have to discuss politics. For that, I am sorry. It seems the A Team has taken a bizarre interest in politics. All of them. Well, kind of. A3 mostly repeats what she hears the other two say, but she has been campaigning hard for Mermaid.
The interest started with a school project for A1 and it blossomed from there. A2, following in her sister's footsteps also got interested. A2 isn't quite as fanatical though. A1 is ride or die for her guy, while A2 is more interested in questioning and debating. Now, don't get me wrong, A1 is more than happy to debate, but she is just firm on her pick.
I have heard countless discussions on the candidates from the girls. They don't discriminate on age. They will bring up politics with anyone who can talk. A few weeks ago A1 had a friend over and of course they had to talk politics. It was pretty entertaining to listen to the doom and gloom coming from these 10 year olds. Both agreed neither candidate was a good choice, but neither could agree on who they would vote for, if they were old enough.
Yesterday, a news blurb come on about the DNC. Our friend, K, started chanting, "Trump, Trump, Trump!"
A2, with her wit and saracasam asked, "So, let me guess, you want Trump to win?"
K, surprised that someone would even question that, "Yes, don't you?"
A2, responded, "I don't really know yet. I still have time to decide. Why do you want Trump to win?"
K, slightly annoyed that A2 just wasn't getting it and that it was 8:30 AM, a little early for a deep discussion said, "Because A2, Hillary is a lair."
A2, wasn't done, "No, I know that. Why are you wanting Trump? What do you like about him?"
K, thought about it for a few seconds, "He has ideas, ideas that are good."
A2, trying to get to the bottom of this, "What ideas are good? What ideas do you like?" Who is this kid? She sounds so grown up, smart, inquisitive...
K, quick with her response, "You know, all of them."
A2, not sure where to go with the conversation, but needing it to go on added, "You know he wants to build a wall?"
K, not sure what to think of this wall, "What kind of a wall?"
A2, ready to share her info, "It will be a big wall. It will be somewhere in Mexi... Mexic... Mexicameria. It is to separate the Mexis... Mexios... Mexicas and the Am... Ameri... humans." Ok, this is where political advice from a 7 year old gets a little fuzzy. I try to stay out of their conversations, but I had to step in on this one.
"A2 the wall he wants to build is to keep Mexicans, who are people just like us, from coming into America illegally." I hoped this simple explanation would be enough, but I knew from past experiences it wouldn't be.
A2, of course, knew more than me and was ready to correct me, "No, mom. Mexicos are aliens. Aliens aren't human. I heard it on TV."
Ok, now I see where she is coming from, "That just means they are from a different place. If we went to Paris, we would be aliens. That doesn't mean they are green people from outer space."
"Oh." A2 was deep in thought and at a lose for words.
K picked up the slack in the convo, "I know Trump's daughter."
A2, absolutely impressed, "You do! How do you know her?"
K, confused, "I don't know her."
A2, really confused, "You said you knew her."
K, even more confused, "No, I didn't."
A2, confused but not ready to move on, "You did say you knew her."
K, confused and annoyed, "I don't know her. I saw her on TV. She has a weird name. Tiki, Kiko, Tovoa."
A2, "That is funny. Wanna play mind craft?"
And that was it.
It seems these two 7 and 8 year olds are just as informed as many of the adults trying to decide who to vote for in November. If you need help making a decision on who you should vote for, you are welcome to come over and talk it over with the A Team, then play a little Mine Craft after.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
Passive Aggressive Gossip
The weird thing about being a quiet person is that it is easy to get lost in a crowd and completely over looked, especially when you are at a party of people who don't mind being the center of attention. It can be good and it can be bad. I can honestly say I learn a lot about people by being the quietest one in the room. I sometimes learn a lot of things I don't want to know or hear. I recently heard something and I can't let it go, SO I must write.
Passive aggressive post in 3-2-1.
Last night I was standing NEXT to a couple of people while they talked about someone I obviously care about. It was a short conversation, but the words were full of such petty hate. It was shocking and, yet, not unexpected. I have sat behind her during shows and heard her trash talk this person when he was the director, as well as the actors she hugged and congratulated after the show. It isn't a secret she has a problem with this person, but to say what she said with me less than an arms length away. What the what?
There is a lesson in this. Friends, don't let friends talk about people in a crowd. Friends, don't let friends talk about people when their spouse is standing close enough to smell the alcohol on their breath. We have all been there. We have all done it. We have talked about people only to have them find out. It happens in all the terribly good after school specials: the mean girls are smoking in the bathroom talking about the new girl, only to have her pop out of the stall. It happens. Most of us learn our lesson when we are in Jr. High. BUT some do not, and that is why we have lifetime movies about it. Friends, don't let your friends become a Lifetime Movie.
Encourage your friend to talk about other people at a more appropriate location, perhaps somewhere the person you are wanting to talk about is not currently present at with his/her family. Encourage your friend to look around before they start to talk, just think of all the drama that could have been avoided if those girls in the bathroom did a feet check! Encourage your friend to write a passive aggressive blog post...
Passive aggressive blog post over. I feel better.
PS. I will not disclose the guilty party to anyone, not even my mom, so don't ask.
PPS. I am serious mom. :)
Passive aggressive post in 3-2-1.
Last night I was standing NEXT to a couple of people while they talked about someone I obviously care about. It was a short conversation, but the words were full of such petty hate. It was shocking and, yet, not unexpected. I have sat behind her during shows and heard her trash talk this person when he was the director, as well as the actors she hugged and congratulated after the show. It isn't a secret she has a problem with this person, but to say what she said with me less than an arms length away. What the what?
There is a lesson in this. Friends, don't let friends talk about people in a crowd. Friends, don't let friends talk about people when their spouse is standing close enough to smell the alcohol on their breath. We have all been there. We have all done it. We have talked about people only to have them find out. It happens in all the terribly good after school specials: the mean girls are smoking in the bathroom talking about the new girl, only to have her pop out of the stall. It happens. Most of us learn our lesson when we are in Jr. High. BUT some do not, and that is why we have lifetime movies about it. Friends, don't let your friends become a Lifetime Movie.
Encourage your friend to talk about other people at a more appropriate location, perhaps somewhere the person you are wanting to talk about is not currently present at with his/her family. Encourage your friend to look around before they start to talk, just think of all the drama that could have been avoided if those girls in the bathroom did a feet check! Encourage your friend to write a passive aggressive blog post...
Passive aggressive blog post over. I feel better.
PS. I will not disclose the guilty party to anyone, not even my mom, so don't ask.
PPS. I am serious mom. :)
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
My Worry, My Reality
Today was the day I had been losing sleep over. The day I had been dreading since May. My colonoscopy and endoscopy. No, I am not 50 yet, but I earned this double procedure because my body decided to reject iron. We needed to do it to try to solve the mystery.
I wasn't worried about the normal stuff; the prep or the actual procedure. I was worried about the anesthesia. I worried myself into thinking something would go wrong. I didn't have any reason to think this, other than it was probably on a Lifetime Movie I watched once or the subject of a Lurlene McDaniel book I read when I was young, impressionable, and into books about death and chronic illness. I hadn't ever had a bad reaction to anesthesia or even knew anyone who did. BUT, it was my worry, so it was my reality.
I think, more than the worry about something going wrong, was the worry that I wouldn't be in control. I have some major control issues I need to work through... I didn't like the idea of me being unaware of what was happening or the thought of losing track of time without knowing where I had been. It is putting a lot of trust in people I hadn't ever met. What if something goes wrong and I wake up months later in a mostly abandoned hospital? What if I wake up to hear the moans of the undead trying to eat my brains? It happened to my friend Rick and things have been rough for him ever since.
I was also worried about the way I would act or what I would say when I was waking up. I had a huge fear of being mean. I was afraid I would be mean to the nurses, they have tough enough jobs, I didn't want to be a jerk and add stress to their lives. I also didn't want to be mean to Mac if he didn't deserve it. (I only want to be mean to him if he deserves it and I can remember it...) I even had a little fear that someone who had been entrusted to be my responsible driver would decide to record me and I would be the next viral superstar. Move over Chewbacca Mom.
Thankfully, today was smooth sailing. After only a couple hours of sleep the night before, I welcomed the drug induced sleep! I kind of think that is part of the diabolical plan of the colon clean out... they don't really need it cleaned out, they just want you desperately tired so you won't fight the anesthesia... I could be wrong, but I don't think so! Before I went under, the nurse and I celebrated the fact that I wasn't pregnant. She hesitated for a minute, worried that maybe I wanted to be pregnant. I reassured her that I didn't.
And then I woke up with a Kleenex in my hand asking for a bacon sandwich. I sat up in my bed and the nurse told me I needed to stay a little bit longer then she disappeared. I was a little worried. I remember talking to the nurse or the curtain I can't be positive on this part of the story, "Oh no! I didn't have a baby, did I?"
The nurse or the curtain responded with a laugh in her voice, "I don't think so, did you?"
I was relieved, "Good, I didn't want to watch Paw Patrol." Before the nurse or curtain could respond, I scratched my forehead and said, "Wait, I haven't ever watched that."
The nurse or the curtain laughed and said, "I think you must have had quite the dream,"
I must have but I don't remember, and that is ok.
Mac showed up. I said something weird to him, but I don't remember. I just remember him giving me the look of not sure what to do or say, but trying hard not to laugh. The doctor came in to show us pictures of my insides. The 7th grade science student in me really wanted to take them for show and tell, but I didn't. The doctor said a bunch of things. I know he said they found 1 polyp, but it didn't look bad. He also said my stomach had 3 places where it was bleeding. It wasn't ulcers, but I don't remember what he said it was or could be. I know he said we will find out in about 10 days when the results come back. He didn't seem to worried, so I am not going to worry.
I left feeling optimistic. and hungry, very very hungry. and tired, very very tired. At least we knew why I was losing iron. Now we just need to find out why I am bleeding, but I am not going to worry until the doctor calls and says I need to worry. No matter what google says, even if I had my fingers crossed when I promised my friend I wouldn't try to be an internet doctor detective, I will not worry. I will not worry. I will not worry. I will go eat another meal, I have 24 hours to make up for!
I wasn't worried about the normal stuff; the prep or the actual procedure. I was worried about the anesthesia. I worried myself into thinking something would go wrong. I didn't have any reason to think this, other than it was probably on a Lifetime Movie I watched once or the subject of a Lurlene McDaniel book I read when I was young, impressionable, and into books about death and chronic illness. I hadn't ever had a bad reaction to anesthesia or even knew anyone who did. BUT, it was my worry, so it was my reality.
I think, more than the worry about something going wrong, was the worry that I wouldn't be in control. I have some major control issues I need to work through... I didn't like the idea of me being unaware of what was happening or the thought of losing track of time without knowing where I had been. It is putting a lot of trust in people I hadn't ever met. What if something goes wrong and I wake up months later in a mostly abandoned hospital? What if I wake up to hear the moans of the undead trying to eat my brains? It happened to my friend Rick and things have been rough for him ever since.
I was also worried about the way I would act or what I would say when I was waking up. I had a huge fear of being mean. I was afraid I would be mean to the nurses, they have tough enough jobs, I didn't want to be a jerk and add stress to their lives. I also didn't want to be mean to Mac if he didn't deserve it. (I only want to be mean to him if he deserves it and I can remember it...) I even had a little fear that someone who had been entrusted to be my responsible driver would decide to record me and I would be the next viral superstar. Move over Chewbacca Mom.
Thankfully, today was smooth sailing. After only a couple hours of sleep the night before, I welcomed the drug induced sleep! I kind of think that is part of the diabolical plan of the colon clean out... they don't really need it cleaned out, they just want you desperately tired so you won't fight the anesthesia... I could be wrong, but I don't think so! Before I went under, the nurse and I celebrated the fact that I wasn't pregnant. She hesitated for a minute, worried that maybe I wanted to be pregnant. I reassured her that I didn't.
And then I woke up with a Kleenex in my hand asking for a bacon sandwich. I sat up in my bed and the nurse told me I needed to stay a little bit longer then she disappeared. I was a little worried. I remember talking to the nurse or the curtain I can't be positive on this part of the story, "Oh no! I didn't have a baby, did I?"
The nurse or the curtain responded with a laugh in her voice, "I don't think so, did you?"
I was relieved, "Good, I didn't want to watch Paw Patrol." Before the nurse or curtain could respond, I scratched my forehead and said, "Wait, I haven't ever watched that."
The nurse or the curtain laughed and said, "I think you must have had quite the dream,"
I must have but I don't remember, and that is ok.
Mac showed up. I said something weird to him, but I don't remember. I just remember him giving me the look of not sure what to do or say, but trying hard not to laugh. The doctor came in to show us pictures of my insides. The 7th grade science student in me really wanted to take them for show and tell, but I didn't. The doctor said a bunch of things. I know he said they found 1 polyp, but it didn't look bad. He also said my stomach had 3 places where it was bleeding. It wasn't ulcers, but I don't remember what he said it was or could be. I know he said we will find out in about 10 days when the results come back. He didn't seem to worried, so I am not going to worry.
I left feeling optimistic. and hungry, very very hungry. and tired, very very tired. At least we knew why I was losing iron. Now we just need to find out why I am bleeding, but I am not going to worry until the doctor calls and says I need to worry. No matter what google says, even if I had my fingers crossed when I promised my friend I wouldn't try to be an internet doctor detective, I will not worry. I will not worry. I will not worry. I will go eat another meal, I have 24 hours to make up for!
Monday, July 18, 2016
Addictions
I have always had an addictive personality, which is why I stay away from the recreational drugs (that and Nancy Reagan made a lasting impact during my formative years). Most of my addictions involve sugar and other unhealthy foods. I just can't say "No" to the sweet stuff, especially Easter candy... Brach's Malted Eggs, in case you are new here. Someone brings treats to school, can't say no, gotta eat them. NOW. Mac brings home chocolate from the store, gotta eat it. NOW. I drive by a McDonald's, gotta stop. NOW. I have serious addiction problems.
My sugar addiction has jumped over to something new, something far worse, LuLaRoe, LLR. In case you haven't seen me in the last few months and have no idea what LLR is, well... let me tell you. It is the most comfortable clothes you could EVER own. Think pajama jeans... You should check out https://www.facebook.com/groups/WonderWomanWearsLuLaRoe/ to find out more...
LLR has become the Brach's Malted Eggs of clothing. I see it, I must have it, I can't walk away. If I am having a bad morning I put it on and I have instant smiles. I love this stuff. I have 3 dresses, 3 skirts, 4 shirts, and 7 pairs of leggings. The girls are even Roeing (that is the cool way to say that you are wearing LLR) A1 has a dress, A2 has a dress, 2 shirts, 1 pair of leggings, and A3 has 2 dresses.
I have learned from buying this stuff my fashion sense is similar to certain 7 year old's style. I am not sure if years of seeing the strange combos she put together has influenced me or if I had a repressed childish fashionista living inside of me all along and she just inherited it unknowingly. Either way I love the crazy leggings the best. I crazier the better. When I pick them up and that little voice in my head says, "Your mom won't go shopping with you if you get these." or "A1 is going to give you the side eye and ask you to change if you wear these." I want them even more, like I would consider selling plasma to buy them. Sometimes I wonder if I am more addicted to the leggings or the idea of embarrassing my family.
We now have LLR in our monthly budget. It is a real problem. I think I probably should find some kind of a recovery program, but I am not ready yet!
My favorites:
These are my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE leggings! Two addictions meet.
McDonalds + LLR = True Love Forever
Now, I need you to stop being judgy. I know you all have something you are addicted to. It could be Disney, The Cardinals, Musicals, Hamilton, Yankee Candles, Posh, Destiny, Pokemon, The Walking Dead, Norman Reedus, or any number of other things, but I know you have an addiction. Just be honest with yourself, own it, and stop judging. BUT if you don't have an addiction you should really check out LLR.
My sugar addiction has jumped over to something new, something far worse, LuLaRoe, LLR. In case you haven't seen me in the last few months and have no idea what LLR is, well... let me tell you. It is the most comfortable clothes you could EVER own. Think pajama jeans... You should check out https://www.facebook.com/groups/WonderWomanWearsLuLaRoe/ to find out more...
LLR has become the Brach's Malted Eggs of clothing. I see it, I must have it, I can't walk away. If I am having a bad morning I put it on and I have instant smiles. I love this stuff. I have 3 dresses, 3 skirts, 4 shirts, and 7 pairs of leggings. The girls are even Roeing (that is the cool way to say that you are wearing LLR) A1 has a dress, A2 has a dress, 2 shirts, 1 pair of leggings, and A3 has 2 dresses.
I have learned from buying this stuff my fashion sense is similar to certain 7 year old's style. I am not sure if years of seeing the strange combos she put together has influenced me or if I had a repressed childish fashionista living inside of me all along and she just inherited it unknowingly. Either way I love the crazy leggings the best. I crazier the better. When I pick them up and that little voice in my head says, "Your mom won't go shopping with you if you get these." or "A1 is going to give you the side eye and ask you to change if you wear these." I want them even more, like I would consider selling plasma to buy them. Sometimes I wonder if I am more addicted to the leggings or the idea of embarrassing my family.
We now have LLR in our monthly budget. It is a real problem. I think I probably should find some kind of a recovery program, but I am not ready yet!
My favorites:
 |
| Clearly, I was distracted by my leggings when I put my shoes on! |
These are my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE leggings! Two addictions meet.
McDonalds + LLR = True Love Forever
Now, I need you to stop being judgy. I know you all have something you are addicted to. It could be Disney, The Cardinals, Musicals, Hamilton, Yankee Candles, Posh, Destiny, Pokemon, The Walking Dead, Norman Reedus, or any number of other things, but I know you have an addiction. Just be honest with yourself, own it, and stop judging. BUT if you don't have an addiction you should really check out LLR.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Smelling Memories
I spent several mornings last week in a place I never thought I would hang out with the A Team. A place that held so many memories for me. Memories that were both good and bad. It was the place I experienced my first heartbreak. It was the place I experienced that feeling of being a part of something bigger than me. It was the place I embarrassed myself over and over. It was the place I felt pride in myself. It was the place I couldn't wait to go to and the place I tried to avoid.
That place was my high school gym. Not much had changed other than the gym floor now said, "Titans" instead of "Redskins" and the building is a middle school instead of a high school. Everything else felt the same.
Even though I was sitting their watching my girls hit volleyballs into the net, I could hear the faint sound of basketballs balls bouncing off the floor as the familiar smell filled my nose. I was smelling memories. I was sent back20+ a few years when I decided as a freshman that I wanted to play basketball, even though I hadn't ever played any sport before. I could remember all of the suicides I had to run, all the times I tripped over painted lines, all the times I missed easy shots, all the times I silently begged my couch to not put me in a game, and all the times I cheered in my head when the buzzer went off at the end of the game and I didn't go in.
The truth is, I knew I wasn't as good as most of my teammates. How could I be? I played for 5 minutes compared to the years and years the other girls put in. I didn't care that I wasn't as good. I just loved being a part of the team. I loved having something I had to do after school and on the weekends. I had so much fun that year getting to know people I wouldn't have known otherwise, people who cheered for me when I finally made a shot, people who stood beside me when an older scarier girl thought it would be funny to pick on a random freshman. Thanks to my new people, it wasn't me! I loved having people.
Then, as my back started to ache from sitting in the bleachers for a couple of hours everyday this week, the painful memories started to hit me. I was brought back to my sophomore year when I was one of two people cut from my beloved basketball team. The new coaches didn't appreciate my spirit. The new coaches didn't understand my love of the game. The new coaches didn't see my desire to happily sit on the bench just so I could be a part of the team. It wasn't in the plan. I was offered the role of stat keeper, but my mom said "No way" in a beautiful letter she wrote to the new coaches.
Then out of the painful memory came one that made me chuckle out loud like a crazy person. I remember coming back to watch a game my sophomore year. My friends from another high school were playing my school. They all showed up with tape on their shoes. It was a sticky shout out to me. A way to say they were sorry I was cut from the team. That was a good memory.
It was a good memory that made me jump back to another memory when I was playing the year before. It was the game I scored my first point. We were playing the team with my friends from the other high school. When I scored, not only did my team cheer for me, but so did a few of the girls from the other team. Their coach wasn't very happy... but you can't make everyone happy.
I assumed when I graduated from high school I wouldn't ever step foot back in the gym. It never occurred to me I would one day be in the gym watching my own kids play.
Although, after watching their athletic abilities this week, I will probably only watch them while they attend the camps I pay for... The girls have inherited my skills. Too bad for them they didn't catch any of Aunt Caley's talents! One of our favorite activities this week was to search the trophy cases to find Aunt Caley's name. We discovered a new trophy or plaque every day.
That place was my high school gym. Not much had changed other than the gym floor now said, "Titans" instead of "Redskins" and the building is a middle school instead of a high school. Everything else felt the same.
Even though I was sitting their watching my girls hit volleyballs into the net, I could hear the faint sound of basketballs balls bouncing off the floor as the familiar smell filled my nose. I was smelling memories. I was sent back
The truth is, I knew I wasn't as good as most of my teammates. How could I be? I played for 5 minutes compared to the years and years the other girls put in. I didn't care that I wasn't as good. I just loved being a part of the team. I loved having something I had to do after school and on the weekends. I had so much fun that year getting to know people I wouldn't have known otherwise, people who cheered for me when I finally made a shot, people who stood beside me when an older scarier girl thought it would be funny to pick on a random freshman. Thanks to my new people, it wasn't me! I loved having people.
Then, as my back started to ache from sitting in the bleachers for a couple of hours everyday this week, the painful memories started to hit me. I was brought back to my sophomore year when I was one of two people cut from my beloved basketball team. The new coaches didn't appreciate my spirit. The new coaches didn't understand my love of the game. The new coaches didn't see my desire to happily sit on the bench just so I could be a part of the team. It wasn't in the plan. I was offered the role of stat keeper, but my mom said "No way" in a beautiful letter she wrote to the new coaches.
Then out of the painful memory came one that made me chuckle out loud like a crazy person. I remember coming back to watch a game my sophomore year. My friends from another high school were playing my school. They all showed up with tape on their shoes. It was a sticky shout out to me. A way to say they were sorry I was cut from the team. That was a good memory.
It was a good memory that made me jump back to another memory when I was playing the year before. It was the game I scored my first point. We were playing the team with my friends from the other high school. When I scored, not only did my team cheer for me, but so did a few of the girls from the other team. Their coach wasn't very happy... but you can't make everyone happy.
I assumed when I graduated from high school I wouldn't ever step foot back in the gym. It never occurred to me I would one day be in the gym watching my own kids play.
Although, after watching their athletic abilities this week, I will probably only watch them while they attend the camps I pay for... The girls have inherited my skills. Too bad for them they didn't catch any of Aunt Caley's talents! One of our favorite activities this week was to search the trophy cases to find Aunt Caley's name. We discovered a new trophy or plaque every day.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Finding the Right Words
All day long I have been trying to come up with the right words, the best words, the appropriate words to say when you lose a loved one. What are those magical words to say when the people you love are hurting because they lost someone they love? Is there a mystical phrase I can whisper to make the pain go away? There has to be something.
The truth is, I don't think there is anything to say that hasn't been said. Usually, when I'm at a loss for words I turn to the Bible. The book of Psalms typically is where I find the most comfort. Right now Psalm 147:3 is speaking to me.
Last night my aunt lost a two year battle with cancer. She was courageous and she fought hard. She fought for her life. She fought for her husband. And she fought for her two kids.
I have been worried the most about what to say to my cousins. One is only a year older than A1 and the other is a sophomore in high school. What can I say to them? I know there is nothing that will make everything better. The only thing that would make this better is if we had a cure and last night never happened, but I can't do that.
What would I want if it was the A Tean needing comfort? What would I want people to say to them? Ugh. This is harder than I thought.
I would want my girls to get hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. And then I want everyone to laugh about it, because I really don't enjoy hugs. I would want my girls to know they have a support system still. I would want people to tell my girls how they will remember me. I would want people to listen to my girls. I would want my girls to know they have people. I would want my girls to that their feelings are normal and should be felt. I would want my girls to know they will be ok someday. I would want my girls to know they are loved.
With all that in mind and a lump in my throat...
B and G here are my words for you.
When I see you you are getting a hug. A big giant hug. The biggest hug a nonhugger could ever give. The A Team will also be hugging you, but they don't have the same hugging issues as me.
You two are going through the toughest thing you have ever gone through. Please know you aren't doing it alone. You have more people than you will ever know standing behind you, weeping for you, cheering you on, and praying for you. If you need anything, even ice cream, all you need to do is raise your hand, nod your head, speak up, or give us a signal and we will be there standing with you; standing next to you as you travel this unknown path. We've got you.
I was the same age as B when your parents got married. I have known your mom well over half of my life. The one thing that always stands out when I think of your mom, is her laugh. Her laugh was amazing and contagious. I couldn't help but laugh when I was around her. She would want you to laugh. Find things that make you happy and when you laugh think of her and her beautiful laugh.
Right now you two are dealing with so much. You are going through things that most us haven't experienced and most of those that have experienced a loss this great didn't do it at such a young age. You will have so many feelings; sadness, anger, confusion, are probably the strongest right now. But there are so many others you will feel and possibly already feel. Your feelings are yours. Own them. Share them. Don't be afraid of them. Your feelings will guide you through the day. I want to know how you are feeling. Send me a note. Send me a text. Give me a call. Even if you just say "Today I am sad. Bye." I want to know. There are tons of people who also want to know. Tell us.
Things are different now. Things won't be the same, but they won't forever be bad. You won't ever forget your mom. She will always guide you. She will be that little voice in your head telling you right from wrong. Listen to her. You will always have memories of her. You will experience holidays, birthdays, and other special days and you will remember her. You will think of funny things she said and laugh and cry. You will laugh and cry and you will remember.
B and G, I am sorry you are going through this. I love you and the A Team loves you. Your mom was amazing. It isn't fair and I'm sorry.
Really, there are no words.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Double Talking Evil Mastermind
My summer project with A3 is to change her language. Not change her language like an SLP, but change her language as in clean it up. Somewhere a long the way this tiny itty bit picked up quite the potty mouth. No one claims fault, but I feel like some of the older A Team members may have something to do with the evil words she spews.
She has gotten better about catching herself as she says these awful things. Just tonight she was coloring with A2. She told A2 the dog A2 was coloring looked like a "Butt hole." She caught my eye and quickly said, "Beautiful. I mean beautiful." Then she told A2 her shirt was beautiful and laughed. She said I was beautiful and laughed. She said her shoe was beautiful and laughed. I know what she was calling us in her head!
Other times she will catch herself before. We have been really working on "Hate." At the beginning of June Hate was the big word. She hated everything. A3 got in trouble, "I hate you mom." A3 wouldn't get her way, "I hate you A1." A2 walked in the room, "A2 I hate you." She started getting vinegar for saying it. Now she says she loves everything. She gets in trouble. "I love you mom." A1 won't give her the phone, "I love you A1." A2 walks in the room, "I love you A2." I'm almost positive it isn't love she is feeling for us!
Tonight she looked at me and said, "Mom your legs are really fa-skinny. Skinny like, never mind." This kid baffles me. She is too smart for her own good. She always has me second guessing myself. Probably because she isn't saying what she means and she has me all confused. Her quick thinking and double talk has left my mind in a swirl. I really hope this isn't a sign that she is going to be an evil mastermind, but I kind of think it is. I had better remember to get her ice cream tomorrow to stay on her good side, but only if she tells me I am beautiful. Wait...
***Sometimes she says nice things and she means them. It is just really hard to know when she is being nice to be nice instead of being nice to be mean. You have to look into her eye to know.***
She has gotten better about catching herself as she says these awful things. Just tonight she was coloring with A2. She told A2 the dog A2 was coloring looked like a "Butt hole." She caught my eye and quickly said, "Beautiful. I mean beautiful." Then she told A2 her shirt was beautiful and laughed. She said I was beautiful and laughed. She said her shoe was beautiful and laughed. I know what she was calling us in her head!
Other times she will catch herself before. We have been really working on "Hate." At the beginning of June Hate was the big word. She hated everything. A3 got in trouble, "I hate you mom." A3 wouldn't get her way, "I hate you A1." A2 walked in the room, "A2 I hate you." She started getting vinegar for saying it. Now she says she loves everything. She gets in trouble. "I love you mom." A1 won't give her the phone, "I love you A1." A2 walks in the room, "I love you A2." I'm almost positive it isn't love she is feeling for us!
Tonight she looked at me and said, "Mom your legs are really fa-skinny. Skinny like, never mind." This kid baffles me. She is too smart for her own good. She always has me second guessing myself. Probably because she isn't saying what she means and she has me all confused. Her quick thinking and double talk has left my mind in a swirl. I really hope this isn't a sign that she is going to be an evil mastermind, but I kind of think it is. I had better remember to get her ice cream tomorrow to stay on her good side, but only if she tells me I am beautiful. Wait...
***Sometimes she says nice things and she means them. It is just really hard to know when she is being nice to be nice instead of being nice to be mean. You have to look into her eye to know.***
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Health "Bump" Recap
I have had a lot of different people ask me what is wrong with me after I posted about my health scare. That made me realize I didn't actually say what was wrong. Sorry. Foggy mind and memory problems is a symptom, as well as, a personality flaw... I didn't mean to leave anyone in the dark. That really isn't my thing.
Last October I started to feel a little ick, so I called to get a doctor's appointment. Apparently my dr retired so I needed to find a new one. I found a new doctor who could see me in January... WHAT!?! That is insane, but I could deal. It was probably just a bug that was leaving me a little out of sorts.
I toughed it out. I was feeling tired, but nothing else was wrong. It was probably just me being mom-tired. I ignored it. A week before my appointment, my doctor needed to reschedule. She could get me in sometime in March. UGH!
I kind of started to panic. I really didn't think I could just deal much longer. My mom-tired was starting to interfere with life. Sometimes I was so tired it would hurt. I could fall asleep almost anywhere. I was first trimester tired, without the perk of a baby in a few months. I was miserable. I was having trouble doing simple things, like walking up stairs hurt. My legs and lungs were on fire. I would have to sit and rest before I could do whatever I planned on going upstairs to do. I was dizzy all the time. Luckily, a friend convinced me to find a different doctor. I called and the new new doctor could see me in 2 weeks. Much better than 2 months!
My new doctor was awesome. She didn't make me feel silly when I told her I was just. so . tired. She took me seriously. She did testing. We both thought it was probably thyroid, because I am the only adult woman in my family above the age of 21 without a thyroid problem. Plus, I secretly wanted it to be a thyroid problem, so I could blame the weight gain on my faulty thyroid and not my McDonald's addiction.
A few days after my blood tests, I got a call from the nurse. My thyroid is fine. Boo. My B12 is a little low and my iron is really low. I needed a few more tests and I needed to start taking B12 and Iron. No problem. I can do that. I was anemic, no problem I can deal. That will be easy enough to fix. I know tons of people who are anemic. I was taking my iron twice a day and my B12 once a day. I kept waiting to feel better. I wasn't.
After a month of taking my iron, I had to go back for more blood work. A few days after, I got another call from the nurse. This time she questioned if I was actually taking my iron. I was. She seemed discouraged. I got a little nervous. She said the doctor wants to see me again and she also wanted me to see a specialist. My iron went down since the last appointment. Ugh! I didn't really know what that meant, but it didn't seem good.
At my next appointment, we went over my symptoms. She told me she was concerned because my numbers should be improving, but they were going down instead. She wanted me to start taking 3 iron pills a day. She was very candid with me. I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation until she told me she was concerned about my organs shutting down because of the low iron. Hold the phone! What do you mean organs shutting down!?! I need my organs running. I need my organs doing their jobs. If my organs shut down, that would be bad news. This is just a little iron problem. I know tons of people who are anemic. Really this can't be all that serious. Maybe she is just exaggerating. I am only anemic. I can deal.
I went home and panicked. And worried. And lost sleep. And worried some more.
By the time I saw the hematologist, (which is also an oncologist, which made me panic more after I google stalked him) I was in full panic mode. Thankfully, he was awesome. He came in and did not mess around. He was no nonsense. He explained everything in a way I could understand. He praised my doctor for not wasting time and getting me in to take care of the problem right away. He set me up for 4 iron infusions and then more testing. He explained that some people are just anemic without any underlying cause. If that was my case then I would need to come back periodically for more infusions, but he would monitor that and we would deal with it when we came to it.
So basically to recap, I am anemic. My body won't absorb iron, for some mysterious reason, that maybe my Gastroenterologist will discover in the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, I will continue with my infusions and hope they start to work, because I like my organs working.
I know there a lot of people who are anemic. I know there are a lot of people worse off than me. But there is just something about hearing that your organs could shut down, if we can't fix the problem, that sends me into panic overdrive. There is something about being so tired that I fell asleep sitting up, that makes me worry. There is something about having your legs and lungs burn after going up the stairs and not being about to keep up with the A Team, that makes me get discouraged. There is something about being dizzy and passing out that makes me a little concerned. There is something about a little heath "bump" that makes me realize I am not immortal and I am not as young as I used to be.
I know that I will get past this. I will someday stop looking like a vampire. I will stop being so tired. I will be better!
Last October I started to feel a little ick, so I called to get a doctor's appointment. Apparently my dr retired so I needed to find a new one. I found a new doctor who could see me in January... WHAT!?! That is insane, but I could deal. It was probably just a bug that was leaving me a little out of sorts.
I toughed it out. I was feeling tired, but nothing else was wrong. It was probably just me being mom-tired. I ignored it. A week before my appointment, my doctor needed to reschedule. She could get me in sometime in March. UGH!
I kind of started to panic. I really didn't think I could just deal much longer. My mom-tired was starting to interfere with life. Sometimes I was so tired it would hurt. I could fall asleep almost anywhere. I was first trimester tired, without the perk of a baby in a few months. I was miserable. I was having trouble doing simple things, like walking up stairs hurt. My legs and lungs were on fire. I would have to sit and rest before I could do whatever I planned on going upstairs to do. I was dizzy all the time. Luckily, a friend convinced me to find a different doctor. I called and the new new doctor could see me in 2 weeks. Much better than 2 months!
My new doctor was awesome. She didn't make me feel silly when I told her I was just. so . tired. She took me seriously. She did testing. We both thought it was probably thyroid, because I am the only adult woman in my family above the age of 21 without a thyroid problem. Plus, I secretly wanted it to be a thyroid problem, so I could blame the weight gain on my faulty thyroid and not my McDonald's addiction.
A few days after my blood tests, I got a call from the nurse. My thyroid is fine. Boo. My B12 is a little low and my iron is really low. I needed a few more tests and I needed to start taking B12 and Iron. No problem. I can do that. I was anemic, no problem I can deal. That will be easy enough to fix. I know tons of people who are anemic. I was taking my iron twice a day and my B12 once a day. I kept waiting to feel better. I wasn't.
After a month of taking my iron, I had to go back for more blood work. A few days after, I got another call from the nurse. This time she questioned if I was actually taking my iron. I was. She seemed discouraged. I got a little nervous. She said the doctor wants to see me again and she also wanted me to see a specialist. My iron went down since the last appointment. Ugh! I didn't really know what that meant, but it didn't seem good.
At my next appointment, we went over my symptoms. She told me she was concerned because my numbers should be improving, but they were going down instead. She wanted me to start taking 3 iron pills a day. She was very candid with me. I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation until she told me she was concerned about my organs shutting down because of the low iron. Hold the phone! What do you mean organs shutting down!?! I need my organs running. I need my organs doing their jobs. If my organs shut down, that would be bad news. This is just a little iron problem. I know tons of people who are anemic. Really this can't be all that serious. Maybe she is just exaggerating. I am only anemic. I can deal.
I went home and panicked. And worried. And lost sleep. And worried some more.
By the time I saw the hematologist, (which is also an oncologist, which made me panic more after I google stalked him) I was in full panic mode. Thankfully, he was awesome. He came in and did not mess around. He was no nonsense. He explained everything in a way I could understand. He praised my doctor for not wasting time and getting me in to take care of the problem right away. He set me up for 4 iron infusions and then more testing. He explained that some people are just anemic without any underlying cause. If that was my case then I would need to come back periodically for more infusions, but he would monitor that and we would deal with it when we came to it.
So basically to recap, I am anemic. My body won't absorb iron, for some mysterious reason, that maybe my Gastroenterologist will discover in the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, I will continue with my infusions and hope they start to work, because I like my organs working.
I know there a lot of people who are anemic. I know there are a lot of people worse off than me. But there is just something about hearing that your organs could shut down, if we can't fix the problem, that sends me into panic overdrive. There is something about being so tired that I fell asleep sitting up, that makes me worry. There is something about having your legs and lungs burn after going up the stairs and not being about to keep up with the A Team, that makes me get discouraged. There is something about being dizzy and passing out that makes me a little concerned. There is something about a little heath "bump" that makes me realize I am not immortal and I am not as young as I used to be.
I know that I will get past this. I will someday stop looking like a vampire. I will stop being so tired. I will be better!
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Real Baby Registry Items
It seems like everyday this summer I have a new FB friend popping up saying they are popping out a new baby sometime in the next nine months. Most of these people are first time parents. I feel it is my duty as an experienced parent to guide them, especially when it comes to the daunting task of filling out that baby registry...
Here is the deal. Babies really don't need much. They basically eat, sleep, and poop for several months. Baby really only needs a place to sleep, a way to eat, and a place to poop. (And probably some clothes, but if your kids are like the A Team, they won't like clothes, so save your money and don't buy any) You decide where they sleep, how they eat, and where they poop. That is about all you will have control of from now until forever. Enjoy those three decisions... If you believe this, stop. Your baby will totally have a say in some of this, but you can at least tell yourself you have control over these decisions when you are filling out the registry.
Beyond the crib, feeding needs, and diapers there are 5 things that are essential for all parents to stock up on before their little bundle of joytakes over the house comes home from the hospital.
5. Fruit snacks: No, these are not for your sweet toothless wonder, they are for you! You will find yourself hungry at the most inconvenient times, like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Honestly, when you are a new parent your schedule is so off you don't have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the typical times. You might have breakfast at 4AM, lunch at 10AM, and dinner at 4PM or some other strange combo. Sometimes you won't be able to eat when your stomach says it is time to eat. Sometimes you just don't have time to eat like a normal person. Sometimes you just need to eat right now, no matter what. Eat a pack of fruit snacks and you will have super human powers to last at least 10 more minutes. This just might hold you over until you can a real meal. Fruit snacks are the best. You can fit a pack in your pocket or your purse. It is the snack you can sneak eat. No one will even know if you are new parent hungry because you have these magic snacks. Trust me, you will want them on your registry. LOTS and LOTS of boxes.
4. Dry Shampoo: I didn't have this for A1 or A2, but it was an image savor when I had A3. Let's face it, once you have kids your free time will be given to your kids. And yes, showering is considered free time when you have a screaming little one who needs to be fed, burped, or changed. This will be especially helpful those first couple of weeks when you have well-wishers dropping off diapers and casseroles. You can use this stuff and look freshly showered.
3. Bandaids: You probably won't need these until your little sweetie is a little older, but since we don't have "Toddler Showers" and Toddler Gift Registries you might want these one your baby registry. Bandaids will be magic cures. They will stop tears when those boo boos that can't be seen to the naked eye ruin the perfect skin of your tiny tot. They even become stickers when you are cooking dinner and someone sneaks off discovering a brand-new box under the sink. This may or may not have happened in real life... I can't even begin to tell you how many boxes we have gone through in our 10+ years as parents. Just today we used 4 bandaids on A3. You do the math.
2. Baby Wipes: These are not just for tooshies any more! You find countless ways to use these magic little clothes. During desperate times they are great bathing substitutes. Remember number 4? When you are pressed for time, grab a baby wipe and freshen up! Sometimes we still have "wet-wipe washes" for the girls. The number one rule of the WWW is, don't tell Nana. She wouldn't approve of us skipping bath nights and opting for a wet-wipe washing, but sometimes when the schedule is way too hectic we just have to. Other than personal hygiene, wet wipes are amazing at cleaning up spills, marker on the table, and pencil on the wall. You will most likely get some of these as shower gifts, but go ahead and register for 100 boxes.
The number one essential item needed when baby comes:
1. Spoons: I know this seems weird, but trust me on this one. Tuesday we had all the dishes clean and put away. I went to get spoons for the girls' healthy cereal and realized we were down to 3 adult spoons and 2 kid spoons. Where have all the spoons gone? We are not alone in this troubling mystery. I have heard many parents cry out for their missing spoons. Parents everywhere have a drawers full of forks and knives, but NO SPOONS. Where could all the spoons be? Mac thinks this is part of an evil plan our children have cooked up in order to take over the world. In our short time as parents we have gone through 16 spoons. That may not seem like a lot, but seriously, we had 8 spoons that never went missing during the first 5 years of marriage. Then the kids came and the spoons started going missing. Slowly at first. Then more rapidly as time went on. It became a huge pet peeve of Mac's. The missing spoons were interfering with our happiness. I bought him replacement spoons as an anniversary gift. Those 8 spoons created a few years of happiness, until a couple weeks ago and the spoons started slipping away again. Then we had 3. Mac went to buy more and ran into a friend. Once she saw what Mac was buying, she realized she was having disappearing spoons too. THIS IS A REAL THING! While you are completing your Baby Wish List, add several sets of replacement spoons. It will save your marriage.
Trust me new parents, the A Team has taught me a lot of things about what is really important, what babies really need, and what parents really need. Most importantly, they need love. (and a crib, diapers, food stuff, fruit snacks, dry shampoo, bandaids, wet wipes, and spoons!)
Here is the deal. Babies really don't need much. They basically eat, sleep, and poop for several months. Baby really only needs a place to sleep, a way to eat, and a place to poop. (And probably some clothes, but if your kids are like the A Team, they won't like clothes, so save your money and don't buy any) You decide where they sleep, how they eat, and where they poop. That is about all you will have control of from now until forever. Enjoy those three decisions... If you believe this, stop. Your baby will totally have a say in some of this, but you can at least tell yourself you have control over these decisions when you are filling out the registry.
Beyond the crib, feeding needs, and diapers there are 5 things that are essential for all parents to stock up on before their little bundle of joy
5. Fruit snacks: No, these are not for your sweet toothless wonder, they are for you! You will find yourself hungry at the most inconvenient times, like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Honestly, when you are a new parent your schedule is so off you don't have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the typical times. You might have breakfast at 4AM, lunch at 10AM, and dinner at 4PM or some other strange combo. Sometimes you won't be able to eat when your stomach says it is time to eat. Sometimes you just don't have time to eat like a normal person. Sometimes you just need to eat right now, no matter what. Eat a pack of fruit snacks and you will have super human powers to last at least 10 more minutes. This just might hold you over until you can a real meal. Fruit snacks are the best. You can fit a pack in your pocket or your purse. It is the snack you can sneak eat. No one will even know if you are new parent hungry because you have these magic snacks. Trust me, you will want them on your registry. LOTS and LOTS of boxes.
4. Dry Shampoo: I didn't have this for A1 or A2, but it was an image savor when I had A3. Let's face it, once you have kids your free time will be given to your kids. And yes, showering is considered free time when you have a screaming little one who needs to be fed, burped, or changed. This will be especially helpful those first couple of weeks when you have well-wishers dropping off diapers and casseroles. You can use this stuff and look freshly showered.
3. Bandaids: You probably won't need these until your little sweetie is a little older, but since we don't have "Toddler Showers" and Toddler Gift Registries you might want these one your baby registry. Bandaids will be magic cures. They will stop tears when those boo boos that can't be seen to the naked eye ruin the perfect skin of your tiny tot. They even become stickers when you are cooking dinner and someone sneaks off discovering a brand-new box under the sink. This may or may not have happened in real life... I can't even begin to tell you how many boxes we have gone through in our 10+ years as parents. Just today we used 4 bandaids on A3. You do the math.
2. Baby Wipes: These are not just for tooshies any more! You find countless ways to use these magic little clothes. During desperate times they are great bathing substitutes. Remember number 4? When you are pressed for time, grab a baby wipe and freshen up! Sometimes we still have "wet-wipe washes" for the girls. The number one rule of the WWW is, don't tell Nana. She wouldn't approve of us skipping bath nights and opting for a wet-wipe washing, but sometimes when the schedule is way too hectic we just have to. Other than personal hygiene, wet wipes are amazing at cleaning up spills, marker on the table, and pencil on the wall. You will most likely get some of these as shower gifts, but go ahead and register for 100 boxes.
The number one essential item needed when baby comes:
1. Spoons: I know this seems weird, but trust me on this one. Tuesday we had all the dishes clean and put away. I went to get spoons for the girls' healthy cereal and realized we were down to 3 adult spoons and 2 kid spoons. Where have all the spoons gone? We are not alone in this troubling mystery. I have heard many parents cry out for their missing spoons. Parents everywhere have a drawers full of forks and knives, but NO SPOONS. Where could all the spoons be? Mac thinks this is part of an evil plan our children have cooked up in order to take over the world. In our short time as parents we have gone through 16 spoons. That may not seem like a lot, but seriously, we had 8 spoons that never went missing during the first 5 years of marriage. Then the kids came and the spoons started going missing. Slowly at first. Then more rapidly as time went on. It became a huge pet peeve of Mac's. The missing spoons were interfering with our happiness. I bought him replacement spoons as an anniversary gift. Those 8 spoons created a few years of happiness, until a couple weeks ago and the spoons started slipping away again. Then we had 3. Mac went to buy more and ran into a friend. Once she saw what Mac was buying, she realized she was having disappearing spoons too. THIS IS A REAL THING! While you are completing your Baby Wish List, add several sets of replacement spoons. It will save your marriage.
Trust me new parents, the A Team has taught me a lot of things about what is really important, what babies really need, and what parents really need. Most importantly, they need love. (and a crib, diapers, food stuff, fruit snacks, dry shampoo, bandaids, wet wipes, and spoons!)
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